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"This is weird," Tyler said, sitting in the passenger seat of Lillian's car. They'd decided to carpool to save money, and seeing as Lillian was doing better than he was these days, she was the one who offered to drive. She nodded, pulled down the rearview mirror and started applying glitter makeup to her face sparingly.
"It sure is," she said.
"I mean, I guess it's cool, like, for their parents to be this open," Tyler said, "Sure wasn't like that when we were kids, but a lot of things weren't like how they are now when we were kids."
"Progress is both wonderful to see and frustrating that you didn't get to experience it," Lillian said, starting on her eyeliner, "You're happy that so many kids don't have to go through the bullshit we did, but you're also mad that you're not one of them."
"Exactly. Why don't you do your makeup before you get here?" Tyler asked.
"Because," Lillian said, stretching her eye and drawing alone the edge, "if I do it before I come, it has the potential to get smudged, smeared or, on the chance I cry, runny. This way I walk in looking good."
Tyler opened a small container of sunflower seeds and started eating some as he waited for Lillian to finish. He watched her as she did her makeup, and he couldn't help but notice how calm and collected she was. She had this air about her of genuine ease, even if she swore she never felt any, and he was somewhat jealous. After the things he'd recently seen, he'd been anything but at ease.
"Alright," she said, finishing applying her lipstick, "Let's go."
Together they climbed out of the car and headed up the walkway towards the front door. They could hear kids screaming and shouting and hollering, having the time of their lives inside. As they reached the door, Tyler pushed the doorbell, and Lillian adjusted her bangs.
"You look pretty," Tyler said, making her smile.
"Thank you, so do you."
"Oh, you're just saying that," Tyler said, scoffing, making her laugh.
The door opened and a middle aged man with small round glasses and somewhat balding was standing there, his button down dress shirt tucked into his slacks. He looked at them, like he had forgotten they'd been called in for the day, then shook his head as if he remembered, and stepped aside, allowing them entrance into the house.
"Sorry," he said, shutting the door behind them, "Today is...weird. I'm not used to all this screaming."
"I often wear earplugs," Lillian said, "Do you want some earplugs?"
"No," the man said, chuckling, "No thank you, but thank you."
"So, where are we supposed to be?" Tyler asked.
"Well, here's the thing, we have twins, as you know, and we hired one of you for each of them. But, uh, it isn't exactly going to be what you think it is," he said, wringing his hands nervously, making Lillian and Tyler look at one another.
***
"Hey," the father, Clark, said as he opened the bedroom door and found his son, Chase, sitting on the floor and waving a little stick streamer around. Chase didn't look up at his father as he came in, and instead Clark let Lillian into the room to see the sight, and then pulled her back into the hallway.
"What's going on?" Lillian asked.
"Our daughter wanted the cowboy, and our son wanted you," Clark said, "And we don't have a problem with that, but...well, a lot of girls don't mind being rough and rowdy, but...no boys wanted to come to a princess themed party, so while our daughter's out in the backyard with her friends, he's in here...by himself."
"Jesus that's depressing," Lillian muttered, crossing her arms, "Well, I guess I'll stay in there then."
"Thank you," Clark whispered, before turning and heading back out towards the backyard.
Lillian entered the room and sat down on the bed, looking around the room. It was furnished fairly feminine, with a lot of pictures of famous women and girls cut out from magazines and put up on a corkboard on the wall over the desk. Lillian cleared her throat and looked down at the little boy sitting on the floor, wearing a long blonde wig and a sparkly dress, and she felt her heart caught in her throat.
"Hi," she finally said, "I'm Lillian."
"Hello," they said, not looking up at her.
"I like your dress," Lillian said, smiling warmly.
"Thank you," they whispered, almost as if scared of being complimented.
"I'm sorry nobody is here, but I'm here, so...I can be your friend. I think what you're doing is cool," Lillian said, "I mean, it's cool that you do whatever you want and that your parents are letting you do it. I think the fact that nobody came is something you should be proud of, like, you're too cool for them. They're embarrassed cause they aren't as cool as you are."
Chase looked up at Lillian, seated on the bed, and the two locked eyes momentarily.
"It's my birthday, and I'm gonna have a cake, and I don't wanna make a wish cause it never comes true," they said softly, "mom and dad make us say prayers every night but nothing ever comes true, and Santa never gives me what I want, so I don't wanna make a wish on a candle. It isn't fair. Your hair is real, mine is a wig."
"Lots of people wear wigs," Lillian said, shrugging, "Nothing wrong with that."
"I just wanna look like you," they whispered, starting to cry.
Lillian climbed down to the floor and sat beside them, taking off her tiara and looking at it in her hands.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, "I wish I could say something that would make you feel better, but...there's nothing I can really say that would truly help. This is something you're going to have to deal with as you get older, and it seems like your parents are okay with it, so it shouldn't be a big deal. I don't think it's fair, you're right, that nobody would come to your party but people came to your sisters. I don't think it's fair that girls get to like boy stuff and boys don't get to like girl stuff. I know things are changing, but the stigmas are still there. It's going to take a long time before those preconceptions really break down and everything is truly for everyone. But...do you wanna wear my tiara?"
Chase looked at the tiara in her hands, and nodded, wiping their arm on their sleeve. Lillian smiled and plopped the tiara down on their wig, removing the paper crown they'd had on before. She rubbed Chase's back and sat beside them.
"For what it's worth, I think you look very pretty," she said, "And I hope this makes up for having an otherwise lousy birthday."
Just then the door opened, and Tyler was standing there. Lillian looked up at him as he walked into the room and looked down at the two of them on the floor. He looked at Chase, in their little gown, wearing Lillian's tiara, and tipped his hat at them.
"Ladies," he said, making them chuckle, "Uh, your majesty, if I may...now I may just be a simple cowboy and I may not understand your customs and your culture, but if there's one thing I understand it is that family is important, and your sister is requesting your presence."
"She wants me to come out there?" Chase asked.
"Absolutely. She doesn't care what her friends think, she just wants her sibling with her. It's your birthdays, it should be spent together," Tyler said, "She told me she always plays dress up with you, and that's really no more different than this, right?"
"...but they'll laugh at me," Chase said.
"If they laugh at you, then I'll put 'em in the pokey, how about that?" Tyler asked, making Chase laugh and stand up as Tyler added, "Now you run along outside lil' miss, and we'll be right behind y'all."
As Chase exited the room, Tyler held his hand out to Lillian and she took it. He helped her back up and dusted off her dress. She looked at him and smiled warmly.
"That was really sweet, Ty," she said.
"Well," he replied, "it was the least I could do. She told me she wasn't having any fun without her sibling, so I figured I could maybe get them out there together. You should see it, it's quite a sight, a buncha little girls all dressed up in western garb, it's great. Who's to say a princess has no place among them? Besides, after not being able to do anything at the last party...I felt I should do something here."
"...I think I take for granted what I have," Lillian said, "It's so easy to whine and complain and feel sad about what I'm lacking - funds or a real career path or whatever - and I never really think about the fact that just who I am, the way I was born, is something so many people would die to have. The basic essence that is me, my body, is enough to be jealous of, and I think I take my femininity for granted a lot."
"That's understandable," Tyler said, taking her by the hand and leading her out of the room and down the hall towards the backyard. They stopped and watched the kids, Chase included, all running around and playing together. Each smiled, each for their own reasons.
"It ends so quickly. You think it won't, but before you know it it's over, and you're left wondering where it went," Lillian said.
"It doesn't have to though," Tyler said, "That's the thing. So many people see growing up as an unavoidable thing, but really, who says you can't be the same kid you always were just because you're an adult now? It's mentality, more than anything else. What you were saying in the car, about kids having it better and feeling jealous, sure, talk about a fucked up form of hero worship, but...it's for the best. Yes, we could've been happier children, but we're also who we are because of when and how we grew up, and I think you're perfect and I think I'm pretty okay."
Lillian blushed and looked at her glittery shoes, trying not to let him see her tearing up.
"Yeah," she finally said, "It's for the best, you're right. We might not have gotten what they have, but we can enhance what they get, and I think that's pretty important."
"Righty o," Tyler said, sticking his toothpick back in his mouth and winking, "Now how's about we go out there and wrassle us up some grub, lass?"
"You're such a dork," she whispered, laughing, as she linked arms with him and walked out together.
***
Driving Tyler back home that night, Lillian had a million things she wanted to say, but for some reason, the only thing that really kept running through her head was about the kid who'd died at the previous party. The kid they'd watched from across the street. She cleared her throat and looked over at him as he fidgeted with getting his pin on badge off his vest.
"You remember that girl, you know...the party where-"
"Yeah, I try not to think about that," Tyler said.
"Sure, fair, I just...I can't stop thinking about that poor kid," Lillian said, the car slowing to a crawl as she pulled up to Tyler's apartment. He sighed and undid his seatbelt before looking at Lillian, nodding.
"I know, I can't either, and I was the one who was there," he said, "but you can't let it run your life. If you let it overtake you, it'll eat you alive inside. Thanks for driving me."
"Anytime," Lillian said, watching him get out and head on into the apartment. She gripped the steering wheel, then pulled away from the curb and started to head back to the house they'd been to before.
***
She didn't mean to fall asleep there, but when the sun woke her up the next morning, she was surprised that she'd allowed herself to sleep in her car. Drool running down her lip, she groaned and shifted, realizing she was still dressed like a princess. Then she heard the tapping on the window, and screamed. As Lillian looked over, she saw the little girl from the lawn staring inwards at her.
"...are you gonna kidnap me?" she asked.
"Uh, no?" Lillian replied groggily.
The passenger door opened and the little girl climbed inside, shutting it behind her. Lillian looked her up and down, and noticed she was wearing a girlscout uniform.
"...what time is it?" Lillian asked, and the girl checked her watch.
"It is 2pm," she said, her braids bouncing as she looked back to Lillian from the watch, "I noticed your car here this morning, and it was still here when I got back from scouts. My mom told me not to get into cars with strangers, but you don't look dangerous."
"...thanks?" Lillian asked, as she pulled her rearview mirror down and started wiping off her makeup with a box of tissues she had in the backseat, "ugh, I'm sorry, I...my friend worked your party, and he was there when..."
"Yeah."
"Yeah. I guess I was just worried how it might have effected you. I know it's weird, we don't even know one another, and I'm not a mom or anything, but-"
"You're a princess," the girl said, "If you were a mom, you'd be a queen."
Lillian chuckled at this, then looked at the girl, and held her hand out.
"I'm Lillian."
"I'm Maddison," she said, shaking her hand firmly.
This little girl was very mature for her age, and this took Lillian by surprise.
"Aren't your parents worried you-"
"They aren't home. They don't get home until really late on weekends," Maddison said.
"...I need coffee," Lillian said.
"And donuts!" Maddison said, grinning.
"Right, and donuts, can't have one without the other," Lillian said, turning the car on and taking off down the street as Maddison buckled her seatbelt; Lillian glanced at Maddison, who was looking at her badges on her sash, and asked, "so, you're in girlscouts?"
"Mhm," Maddison nodded, "were you ever in the girlscouts?"
"Nah, I was in ballet classes and stuff," Lillian said.
"That's neat," Maddison said, "And now you're a princess?"
"Only for birthday parties," Lillian said quietly.
"...you can't be a princess every day?"
This was something Lillian had never really questioned, but it made her uneasy to think about. To be a princess every day would be like giving into her mothers idea of perfection, especially in regards to beauty. She'd had enough of that while growing up, and she felt gross enough projecting that kind of beauty to children as it was.
"Do you want some donuts?" Lillian asked.
"I like bear claws," Maddison said.
"And coffee?"
"My mom won't let me drink coffee," Maddison said.
"Probably for the best. What about cocoa?"
"I like cocoa!"
Lillian smiled and nodded.
"Cocoa it is," she said.
She suddenly didn't understand why she had been so worried. This child was more than well adjusted.
So what did that say about her then?
