"I was supposed to be an actress," Robin said, pushing some of her hair back behind her ear, feeling embarrassed, "I was in theater my whole life during school, even went to a prestigious theater academy, and I've loved movies my whole life. I've read so many books on the subject that I probably could've written one at this point. But nobody calls back. I...I go to these auditions, and I...I try my hardest, I give it my all, and yet, nobody calls back. I don't even get callbacks for commercials. Fucking commercials. I can't even be thrown that little of a bone. So, I had to start looking for other means of employment. Now I'm here. Guess sometimes we just don't end up with the future we wanted."
Robin laughed nervously as the rest of the gang in the break room looked at her awkwardly. Fletcher took a bite of his sandwich as Harvey took a long sip of his drink.
"That is the saddest story I've ever heard, and I've heard my family history," Harvey said.
"We just asked what brought you here, we didn't need every sordid detail," Fletcher added.
"Well, I was always told to be honest," Robin said, shrugging.
"So when a cashier asks you how your day's been you tell them you're miserable and that you cried yourself to sleep the night before?" Fletcher asked, and Robin laughed a little. The door to the break room opened and Nelly entered. She walked directly to the coffee machine, while Harvey continued drinking.
"So why this?" Harvey asked, "I mean, all things considered, why did you pick this? It's not even remotely adjacent to acting."
"Actually it is," Robin said, tossing her hair back, "because I have to give a performance for the tour, so it's very similar. I did a lot of improv, so I figure this would be really easy for me and still allow me to flex my creative muscles. I can just be a character here."
"Who made tea in my fucking coffee pot," Nelly asked, not even turning to look at everyone. The room went dead silent. Finally Nelly turned, holding the coffee pot by the handle firmly in her fist; she smiled, which was almost even more unsettling, and asked again, "who...made tea...in my fucking coffee pot?"
"It was Doug," Fletcher said, "he did it last night before leaving."
"And nobody thought to wash it afterwards?" Nelly asked, setting the pot down on the counter with a thud before clasping her hands in front of her pencil skirt and approaching the table; she added, "alright, listen up because here's the deal. The zoo itself is like an ecosystem. And I don't mean the animals. I mean the people who work for it. So, for instance, let's say we put a rhino in a habitat with a hippo, and the hippo, mad about its space being invaded, takes a shit in the rhino's food source, who would you say is at fault?"
Nobody answered, but instead exchanged confused looks as Nelly laughed anxious and scratched her forehead.
"Everyone. The answer is everyone," she said, clearly exasperated, "we all have to maintain some sense of connection and respect and cumraderie with one another to keep a place like this running smoothly, right? We're a team. So, with that in mind, would someone please tell me why Douglas feels the need TO KEEP SHITTING IN MY COFFEE POT?!"
Nobody spoke again. Nelly groaned, reached into her pants pocket and retrieved her wallet, then handed Fletcher a wad of bills.
"Go down the street, get me coffee," she said, "and yourself something, as a treat."
"You got it cap'n," Fletcher said, saluting as he stood up and exited. Nelly followed suite, leaving just Harvey and Robin there alone now. Robin looked across the table at Harvey, who simply finished his drink and shrugged.
"She's high strung," he said.
***
At the zoo, everyone had a nickname to be addressed as by the guests when giving guided tours, and Robin had been assigned Miss Gazelle. She didn't mind this in the slightest. If anything, she appreciated it. She took it to mean she was elegant and graceful. Standing outside, preparing mentally for her first tour, Robin exhaled and tried to remember the tips she'd had for performing on stage in front of a live audience. You aren't this person. You are a character. They only know you as Miss Gazelle, and Miss Gazelle is perfect. Friendly. Approachable. Robin then headed towards her area where she was meant to give tours, only to find nobody was in line yet. She checked her watch and sighed. Must be too early still. She leaned against the railing and waited, looking around, when a small golf cart rode up beside her.
"Hey," Fletcher said, "you're not giving a tour until 2pm. Til then, maybe just walk around and gather up loose garbage?"
"I'm not the janitor," Robin said.
"Yeah, but you have to keep active, busy. Otherwise it looks bad," Fletcher said, "besides, would Miss Gazelle ever stand around looking bored? Nah. She'd be on the move."
Robin smiled, nodding. Fletcher got it. He reached into the backseat of the golf cart and handed her a paper cup with a lid on it, to her surprise, which she graciously accepted.
"Got you a little something from the coffee shop seeing as it's your first day and all," he said, "Get in, I'll drive you to where the biggest pile up of litter tends to be."
Robin shrugged and, coffee in hand, climbed aboard the golf cart, which had been painted in Zebra stripes. Fletcher turned the cart around and honked at some kids in his way before speeding off - or speeding as well as one could in a golf cart - in the opposite direction.
"Listen, don't worry about Nelly, she's not always like that," Fletcher said, "I mean, she's mostly like that, but she's also cool. And, of course, none of that was your fault, so. Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," Robin said, finishing sipping.
"So," Fletcher continued, "Why acting? Cause that's just like a super hard field to break into. It's such a stroke of luck. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know it takes a lot of skill, but there's so much involved too. Why would you subject yourself to that?"
Robin sighed and looked out at the guests and various exhibits as they rolled on by.
"I guess cause I don't like myself," Robin said, "it's nice to pretend to be someone, anyone, else. It allows you to inhabit an entirely different persona, learn their likes and dislikes, create someone new and fully dimensional from just a few facts. I guess I just like it cause I'd like to be able to reinvent myself, but it isn't so easy. Acting is easy. When you act, nobody can tell you hate yourself."
Robin lifted the cup to her lips and took a long sip as Fletcher exhaled.
"Damn, you're a bummer, sorry I asked," he said, making her laugh. Finally they pulled up to a small area that was mostly used as an outdoor cafeteria, and Robin climbed out, thanking Fletcher for the coffee and the ride before watching him drive off somewhere else. Robin turned and looked at the area, noticing all the trash that surrounded the base of the tables and the chairs. She groaned and finished her drink, tossing it in a nearby garbage can before opening a small door nearby and pulling out a broom and a scooper and got to work.
***
Robin was a performer for as long as she could recall.
When she was a little girl, she used to put on one person plays for her parents, and always volunteered for the school talent show. She took theatre in middle school and drama in high school. She was in all the school plays, and when she told her parents she wanted to attend a school for acting, they weren't in the least bit surprised, but also weren't exactly the most assured of the possibility of success. But Robin went, and they paid, and she learned all the typical tools of the trade. Sadly, she wouldn't get much of a chance to put any of those to use.
As she'd told the others at Wild Kingdom Zoo, she couldn't get callbacks. Not even for commercials. And this surprised her because when she'd done public theatre, she'd gotten excessively positive feedback from critics and viewers alike. So why was it so hard to get work in something substantial? After about a year and a half of effort and attempts, all leading to virtually nothing, she had run out of money and had to start looking for a job, any job, and thankfully Wild Kingdom Zoo was willing to hire whoever had her kind of skills. Public interaction, specifically.
But it was all she could dream of. All she wanted to get back to. She would get home and watch TV or movies and just feel so jealous of all the people, people younger than her now, who were having wild success. Why couldn't she have that sort of luck? Was she just not pretty enough? Or maybe...maybe she just...wasn't actually that talented.
Whatever the reason was, she couldn't figure, but it ate away at her as she laid in bed at night and fantasized about having a career in the arts. Today, while putting on her uniform for her first day at work, all she could do was stare at herself in her bathroom mirror and cry. She swore she wasn't depressed, but the reality was, she was likely just very good at hiding it. God forbid her folks found out just how in debt she was, or how hopeless she felt, they'd likely make her move back home and go into therapy. So Robin Glass did what she did best. She put on her uniform, plastered a smile on her face, and acted like a different person.
After all, it was what she'd trained for.
***
"Hey, Miss Gazelle," a voice called out, causing Robin to stop her cleaning and look around until she heard the snapping of fingers. Finally she turned the right way, towards the pathway, and spotted a young man about her age leaning against the railing. He had pale skin and white hair, also in a zoo uniform, and behind him sat a parked golf cart, this one covered in Cheetah spots and yellow coloration.
"Yes?" she asked.
"Why are you doing Fletcher's job?" the man asked, causing Robin to throw her broom down in annoyance.
"That slimy little son of a-" she muttered. The guy laughed and climbed over the rail, approaching the seating area; Robin pushed her hair from her face and, putting her hands on her hips, shook her head, adding, "he told me to keep busy until I had tours, I didn't know he'd just use me to get out of doing his own stuff."
"I guess it's a good thing he works at the zoo, seeing what a conniving little weasel he is," the man said, "I'm Casper, by the way."
"Robin," Robin replied, "so, wait, do I have a tour waiting or something then?"
"Nah, we've been seeing less and less tours lately, instead guests are opting to just kind of mill about on their own. Tours are typically held for, like, school field trips and stuff. You might get one. You might even get just a proper tour if enough people get in line. But don't hold your breath."
Robin sat down at one of the tables and sighed.
"You okay?" Casper asked.
"...this isn't where I'm supposed to be," she said softly.
"You're right, it's where Fletcher's supposed to be," Casper replied, making her smirk before asking, "And where are you supposed to be?"
But Robin didn't have an answer to that because, honestly, she didn't know. What she'd spent her whole life working towards hadn't worked, so yeah, where was she supposed to be was a good question. Casper sat down next to her and waited. A small family, three kids and their parents, ran by, laughing and having fun, making Robin smile. Truth be told, it wasn't really all that bad here. She got to see happy families, excited kids, cool animals. All things considered, it could've been worse.
"I don't know," Robin said, shrugging.
"Well, if you don't know where you're supposed to be, then you can be anywhere," Casper said, making her smile more; Casper patted her on the back and added, "Alright, c'mon Miss Gazelle, let's go find Fletcher, and then have lunch."
***
"How was it?" Kyle asked, as he opened a beer for himself.
Robin and Kyle were sitting on the couch of his apartment, eating order in and watching TV. Robin wrapped some noodles around her chopsticks and lifted them to her lips, sucking them in and chewing for a bit before responding.
"It was okay," she said, mouth half full, "it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Everyone's super nice, except maybe the boss. She's got not just a stick up her ass but a whole wooden stake."
Kyle laughed as he placed Robin's drink down on the table in front of her, making her thank him. Robin and Kyle had met at an audition and had started dating, and since then they'd been together for about two years, almost three now. But the thing was...Robin didn't see it as a relationship as much as she did a general friendship with a bit more emotional openness. She didn't like being intimate with him, and anytime he kissed her, no matter where, she cringed. Kyle took it more seriously, and didn't know she felt so disconnected, but seeing as he was the last attachment she had to the dream of acting, she wasn't willing to let it all fall apart.
"Well I'm glad to hear that," Kyle said, leaning back on the couch and drinking some, "cause I was worried. I thought you might not like being in the sun that long, even though you have a hat, or maybe nobody would like you, which is impossible really, so I'm glad to hear it all went better than expected."
"Thanks for your concern," Robin said, "I'm still scared to tell my parents I have this job. I don't want them to be mad at me for failing to be an actress. I also don't wanna give up going to auditions, but I think having this job is going to make going to auditions that much harder."
"I'll work some magic, don't worry, you'll get to 'em," Kyle said, making Robin blush. For all her disinterest in the romance, she was so grateful to have someone looking out for her. Robin finished eating and leaned back against the couch, placing a hand on her stomach and burping. After a moment of picking her teeth, she grinned.
"What?" Kyle asked.
"Oh, nothing, just an idea for tomorrow," she said.
***
"All I'm saying is that if we were going to expand," Fletcher said, "I'd prefer we expand the plains animals, specifically stuff like Hyenas. We don't have enough, and it'd be cool to see an entire pack as opposed to the three we actually have."
Fletcher and Casper were standing outside the main office, just talking, waiting for the day to start. Robin walked up, holding a plastic container full of coffee cups and stopped in front of them.
"Morning," she said cheerfully as the doors opened and Nelly stepped out; Robin quickly handed her a cup from the holder, which she graciously accepted. She took and sipped it for a moment before exhaling.
"Alright, guys, we have a meeting, so," she said, "get inside asap."
With that, she exited back into the building.
"So," Fletcher said, "look at little Miss Brownnose, buying everyone coffee on her second day."
"Just trying to be nice," Robin said, handing him a cup, which he took. She and Casper took the remaining two cups and began to head inside as Fletcher took a long sip, then spit it all out over his uniform, gasping for fresh air as he turned and yelled at her.
"This is animal shit! I drank liquified animal shit!" he screamed.
Robin and Casper just high fived on their way in. It was a pretty good job after all.
Robin laughed nervously as the rest of the gang in the break room looked at her awkwardly. Fletcher took a bite of his sandwich as Harvey took a long sip of his drink.
"That is the saddest story I've ever heard, and I've heard my family history," Harvey said.
"We just asked what brought you here, we didn't need every sordid detail," Fletcher added.
"Well, I was always told to be honest," Robin said, shrugging.
"So when a cashier asks you how your day's been you tell them you're miserable and that you cried yourself to sleep the night before?" Fletcher asked, and Robin laughed a little. The door to the break room opened and Nelly entered. She walked directly to the coffee machine, while Harvey continued drinking.
"So why this?" Harvey asked, "I mean, all things considered, why did you pick this? It's not even remotely adjacent to acting."
"Actually it is," Robin said, tossing her hair back, "because I have to give a performance for the tour, so it's very similar. I did a lot of improv, so I figure this would be really easy for me and still allow me to flex my creative muscles. I can just be a character here."
"Who made tea in my fucking coffee pot," Nelly asked, not even turning to look at everyone. The room went dead silent. Finally Nelly turned, holding the coffee pot by the handle firmly in her fist; she smiled, which was almost even more unsettling, and asked again, "who...made tea...in my fucking coffee pot?"
"It was Doug," Fletcher said, "he did it last night before leaving."
"And nobody thought to wash it afterwards?" Nelly asked, setting the pot down on the counter with a thud before clasping her hands in front of her pencil skirt and approaching the table; she added, "alright, listen up because here's the deal. The zoo itself is like an ecosystem. And I don't mean the animals. I mean the people who work for it. So, for instance, let's say we put a rhino in a habitat with a hippo, and the hippo, mad about its space being invaded, takes a shit in the rhino's food source, who would you say is at fault?"
Nobody answered, but instead exchanged confused looks as Nelly laughed anxious and scratched her forehead.
"Everyone. The answer is everyone," she said, clearly exasperated, "we all have to maintain some sense of connection and respect and cumraderie with one another to keep a place like this running smoothly, right? We're a team. So, with that in mind, would someone please tell me why Douglas feels the need TO KEEP SHITTING IN MY COFFEE POT?!"
Nobody spoke again. Nelly groaned, reached into her pants pocket and retrieved her wallet, then handed Fletcher a wad of bills.
"Go down the street, get me coffee," she said, "and yourself something, as a treat."
"You got it cap'n," Fletcher said, saluting as he stood up and exited. Nelly followed suite, leaving just Harvey and Robin there alone now. Robin looked across the table at Harvey, who simply finished his drink and shrugged.
"She's high strung," he said.
***
At the zoo, everyone had a nickname to be addressed as by the guests when giving guided tours, and Robin had been assigned Miss Gazelle. She didn't mind this in the slightest. If anything, she appreciated it. She took it to mean she was elegant and graceful. Standing outside, preparing mentally for her first tour, Robin exhaled and tried to remember the tips she'd had for performing on stage in front of a live audience. You aren't this person. You are a character. They only know you as Miss Gazelle, and Miss Gazelle is perfect. Friendly. Approachable. Robin then headed towards her area where she was meant to give tours, only to find nobody was in line yet. She checked her watch and sighed. Must be too early still. She leaned against the railing and waited, looking around, when a small golf cart rode up beside her.
"Hey," Fletcher said, "you're not giving a tour until 2pm. Til then, maybe just walk around and gather up loose garbage?"
"I'm not the janitor," Robin said.
"Yeah, but you have to keep active, busy. Otherwise it looks bad," Fletcher said, "besides, would Miss Gazelle ever stand around looking bored? Nah. She'd be on the move."
Robin smiled, nodding. Fletcher got it. He reached into the backseat of the golf cart and handed her a paper cup with a lid on it, to her surprise, which she graciously accepted.
"Got you a little something from the coffee shop seeing as it's your first day and all," he said, "Get in, I'll drive you to where the biggest pile up of litter tends to be."
Robin shrugged and, coffee in hand, climbed aboard the golf cart, which had been painted in Zebra stripes. Fletcher turned the cart around and honked at some kids in his way before speeding off - or speeding as well as one could in a golf cart - in the opposite direction.
"Listen, don't worry about Nelly, she's not always like that," Fletcher said, "I mean, she's mostly like that, but she's also cool. And, of course, none of that was your fault, so. Can I ask you a question?"
"Sure," Robin said, finishing sipping.
"So," Fletcher continued, "Why acting? Cause that's just like a super hard field to break into. It's such a stroke of luck. I mean, don't get me wrong, I know it takes a lot of skill, but there's so much involved too. Why would you subject yourself to that?"
Robin sighed and looked out at the guests and various exhibits as they rolled on by.
"I guess cause I don't like myself," Robin said, "it's nice to pretend to be someone, anyone, else. It allows you to inhabit an entirely different persona, learn their likes and dislikes, create someone new and fully dimensional from just a few facts. I guess I just like it cause I'd like to be able to reinvent myself, but it isn't so easy. Acting is easy. When you act, nobody can tell you hate yourself."
Robin lifted the cup to her lips and took a long sip as Fletcher exhaled.
"Damn, you're a bummer, sorry I asked," he said, making her laugh. Finally they pulled up to a small area that was mostly used as an outdoor cafeteria, and Robin climbed out, thanking Fletcher for the coffee and the ride before watching him drive off somewhere else. Robin turned and looked at the area, noticing all the trash that surrounded the base of the tables and the chairs. She groaned and finished her drink, tossing it in a nearby garbage can before opening a small door nearby and pulling out a broom and a scooper and got to work.
***
Robin was a performer for as long as she could recall.
When she was a little girl, she used to put on one person plays for her parents, and always volunteered for the school talent show. She took theatre in middle school and drama in high school. She was in all the school plays, and when she told her parents she wanted to attend a school for acting, they weren't in the least bit surprised, but also weren't exactly the most assured of the possibility of success. But Robin went, and they paid, and she learned all the typical tools of the trade. Sadly, she wouldn't get much of a chance to put any of those to use.
As she'd told the others at Wild Kingdom Zoo, she couldn't get callbacks. Not even for commercials. And this surprised her because when she'd done public theatre, she'd gotten excessively positive feedback from critics and viewers alike. So why was it so hard to get work in something substantial? After about a year and a half of effort and attempts, all leading to virtually nothing, she had run out of money and had to start looking for a job, any job, and thankfully Wild Kingdom Zoo was willing to hire whoever had her kind of skills. Public interaction, specifically.
But it was all she could dream of. All she wanted to get back to. She would get home and watch TV or movies and just feel so jealous of all the people, people younger than her now, who were having wild success. Why couldn't she have that sort of luck? Was she just not pretty enough? Or maybe...maybe she just...wasn't actually that talented.
Whatever the reason was, she couldn't figure, but it ate away at her as she laid in bed at night and fantasized about having a career in the arts. Today, while putting on her uniform for her first day at work, all she could do was stare at herself in her bathroom mirror and cry. She swore she wasn't depressed, but the reality was, she was likely just very good at hiding it. God forbid her folks found out just how in debt she was, or how hopeless she felt, they'd likely make her move back home and go into therapy. So Robin Glass did what she did best. She put on her uniform, plastered a smile on her face, and acted like a different person.
After all, it was what she'd trained for.
***
"Hey, Miss Gazelle," a voice called out, causing Robin to stop her cleaning and look around until she heard the snapping of fingers. Finally she turned the right way, towards the pathway, and spotted a young man about her age leaning against the railing. He had pale skin and white hair, also in a zoo uniform, and behind him sat a parked golf cart, this one covered in Cheetah spots and yellow coloration.
"Yes?" she asked.
"Why are you doing Fletcher's job?" the man asked, causing Robin to throw her broom down in annoyance.
"That slimy little son of a-" she muttered. The guy laughed and climbed over the rail, approaching the seating area; Robin pushed her hair from her face and, putting her hands on her hips, shook her head, adding, "he told me to keep busy until I had tours, I didn't know he'd just use me to get out of doing his own stuff."
"I guess it's a good thing he works at the zoo, seeing what a conniving little weasel he is," the man said, "I'm Casper, by the way."
"Robin," Robin replied, "so, wait, do I have a tour waiting or something then?"
"Nah, we've been seeing less and less tours lately, instead guests are opting to just kind of mill about on their own. Tours are typically held for, like, school field trips and stuff. You might get one. You might even get just a proper tour if enough people get in line. But don't hold your breath."
Robin sat down at one of the tables and sighed.
"You okay?" Casper asked.
"...this isn't where I'm supposed to be," she said softly.
"You're right, it's where Fletcher's supposed to be," Casper replied, making her smirk before asking, "And where are you supposed to be?"
But Robin didn't have an answer to that because, honestly, she didn't know. What she'd spent her whole life working towards hadn't worked, so yeah, where was she supposed to be was a good question. Casper sat down next to her and waited. A small family, three kids and their parents, ran by, laughing and having fun, making Robin smile. Truth be told, it wasn't really all that bad here. She got to see happy families, excited kids, cool animals. All things considered, it could've been worse.
"I don't know," Robin said, shrugging.
"Well, if you don't know where you're supposed to be, then you can be anywhere," Casper said, making her smile more; Casper patted her on the back and added, "Alright, c'mon Miss Gazelle, let's go find Fletcher, and then have lunch."
***
"How was it?" Kyle asked, as he opened a beer for himself.
Robin and Kyle were sitting on the couch of his apartment, eating order in and watching TV. Robin wrapped some noodles around her chopsticks and lifted them to her lips, sucking them in and chewing for a bit before responding.
"It was okay," she said, mouth half full, "it wasn't as bad as I thought it might be. Everyone's super nice, except maybe the boss. She's got not just a stick up her ass but a whole wooden stake."
Kyle laughed as he placed Robin's drink down on the table in front of her, making her thank him. Robin and Kyle had met at an audition and had started dating, and since then they'd been together for about two years, almost three now. But the thing was...Robin didn't see it as a relationship as much as she did a general friendship with a bit more emotional openness. She didn't like being intimate with him, and anytime he kissed her, no matter where, she cringed. Kyle took it more seriously, and didn't know she felt so disconnected, but seeing as he was the last attachment she had to the dream of acting, she wasn't willing to let it all fall apart.
"Well I'm glad to hear that," Kyle said, leaning back on the couch and drinking some, "cause I was worried. I thought you might not like being in the sun that long, even though you have a hat, or maybe nobody would like you, which is impossible really, so I'm glad to hear it all went better than expected."
"Thanks for your concern," Robin said, "I'm still scared to tell my parents I have this job. I don't want them to be mad at me for failing to be an actress. I also don't wanna give up going to auditions, but I think having this job is going to make going to auditions that much harder."
"I'll work some magic, don't worry, you'll get to 'em," Kyle said, making Robin blush. For all her disinterest in the romance, she was so grateful to have someone looking out for her. Robin finished eating and leaned back against the couch, placing a hand on her stomach and burping. After a moment of picking her teeth, she grinned.
"What?" Kyle asked.
"Oh, nothing, just an idea for tomorrow," she said.
***
"All I'm saying is that if we were going to expand," Fletcher said, "I'd prefer we expand the plains animals, specifically stuff like Hyenas. We don't have enough, and it'd be cool to see an entire pack as opposed to the three we actually have."
Fletcher and Casper were standing outside the main office, just talking, waiting for the day to start. Robin walked up, holding a plastic container full of coffee cups and stopped in front of them.
"Morning," she said cheerfully as the doors opened and Nelly stepped out; Robin quickly handed her a cup from the holder, which she graciously accepted. She took and sipped it for a moment before exhaling.
"Alright, guys, we have a meeting, so," she said, "get inside asap."
With that, she exited back into the building.
"So," Fletcher said, "look at little Miss Brownnose, buying everyone coffee on her second day."
"Just trying to be nice," Robin said, handing him a cup, which he took. She and Casper took the remaining two cups and began to head inside as Fletcher took a long sip, then spit it all out over his uniform, gasping for fresh air as he turned and yelled at her.
"This is animal shit! I drank liquified animal shit!" he screamed.
Robin and Casper just high fived on their way in. It was a pretty good job after all.