Robin and Sophie were frozen like deer in the headlights. Robin hadn't expected Kyle back, Kyle hadn't expected to find his longtime girlfriend kissing another woman in their apartment kitchen, and Sophie didn't even know Robin was in a relationship. Robin tried to think of something, anything, to say to perhaps save face instead of being caught sucking face, but nothing came to mind. Sophie looked from Kyle to Robin and back to Kyle.
"What the FUCK?" Kyle asked.
"Welcome home," Robin replied.
***
Catfish was seated in the changing room where the trainers got in and out of their wetsuits, took showers and the like. As she sat on a bench reading the memo, chewing absentmindedly on her braid, she heard the shower turn off and watched as another trainer, an older woman (in her late twenties) named Laurie, waltzed into the locker aisle wearing her towel and opening her locker to grab her wetsuit. As she dressed, she glanced over at Catfish.
"You okay?" she asked.
"It's this...this memo," Catfish said, "did you get it? Did you read it?"
"Got it, read it, didn't think much of it," Laurie said, shrugging, "Can you zip me up?"
Catfish nodded and stood up, zipping up the back of Laurie's wetsuit. As she finished and Laurie turned back towards her locker, looking at the mirror hung inside it, Catfish exhaled and began scanning her eyes over the paper once more.
"This doesn't feel right," Catfish said, "I know that a lot of what we do is performative, and that...that we work the animals on a rigid schedule, that we are an entertainment aspect of a zoo, but this feels...wrong. This feels like a step beyond."
"Not much we can do about it, so why worry yourself sick," Laurie asked as she started to apply her waterproof makeup.
"I'm worried for the sake of Kazoo and the others, not for us," Catfish said, "my safety is nowhere as tantamount as theirs is to me, so I'm worried for those who can't worry for themselves, can't speak up about being pushed too hard."
Laurie exhaled, finished her application and shut her locker door before turning to face Catfish, hands on her shoulders.
"Okay, sweetheart, listen to me...you are one of those people whose morals and ethics are admirable, but will make you an outcast, alright? You like this job, you want to keep this job? You need to learn to detach, and if you can't do that, then I...I don't know what will happen, but it won't be good, for you, the Splash Zone or Wild Kingdom, okay? And I'm not in disagreement either, I want that made excessively clear. Do you understand?"
Catfish looked in Laurie's eyes, sighed and nodded. She knew Laurie was right, even if her gut screamed the complete opposite at her. After Laurie left, and Catfish had finished getting ready for her day, pulling her hair back into a ponytail best she could, she also exited to find Casper standing outside, as if waiting for her. She flashed them a smile, the sun glinting off her braces.
"Hi!" she said brightly.
"Hi there," Casper replied, putting a hand in their jumpsuit pocket, "I got you something."
"You...did?" she asked, smiling, blushing.
"Yeah I went to an aquarium out of town with my niece and, uh, and I saw this and I thought you might like it," Casper said, pulling a bracelet made of seashells out of their pocket. Catfish wanted to cry. Nobody had ever given her a gift like this before. She held her wrist out and Casper slipped it on, then smiled at it, adding softly, "it looks like a perfect fit."
Catfish blushed even harder as she stumbled for words. She'd only known Casper for a little bit, but she was enjoying the time they'd been spending together at the zoo.
"Do you...wanna walk me to the arena?" Catfish asked.
"Why walk when I could drive you?" Casper asked, twirling their cart keys around their finger, making her laugh. The two of them loaded up into the cart and off they headed, towards the arena, for another day of shows with Kazoo. Whatever was worrying her at the moment could wait. She was simply enjoying the presence of people for a change.
***
"What the fuck, Robin?" Kyle asked, sitting on the edge of the bed as Robin paced back and forth in front of him. He didn't even seem angry, just...confused. Like this had come out of nowhere. And, rightly so, as it sort of had, even for her. Sophie was still sitting in the living room, completely in shock at the revelation that Robin was apparently involved, and with a man of all people.
"I didn't..." Robin started, running her hands down her face, "I didn't know...I didn't know I could feel things for a girl, I'm sorry."
"I mean I'm not upset about that, I'm not an asshole Robin," Kyle said.
"And we always kept it at work, and this was the first time that I brought it back here and-"
"Keeping an affair at a different venue doesn't really excuse it, but okay," Kyle said, interrupting.
"I know, you're...you're right, I'm sorry, that was a bullshit excuse," Robin said, "I just...you have to understand that this came as just a big shock to me as it did to you. I didn't...I never thought...I didn't wanna hurt you. You've always been so good, so nice, and we got along so well and I didn't wanna hurt you, but I also was so enamored with these...these new feelings that I...it just completely clouded my judgment."
Kyle nodded. At least that was a somewhat valid excuse, and she was taking responsibility for her actions. Robin sat down on the bed beside Kyle and exhaled slowly, deeply, as if letting helium out of a balloon at a steady pace.
"I don't...think I'm the one you hurt," Kyle said, surprising both himself and Robin as he continued, "I think it was that poor girl. She looked shellshocked."
Robin nodded in agreement. She hadn't been back out there to talk to Sophie since Kyle had arrived back in the apartment, and, truth be told, she was scared to. Would she even have either of them in her life after this evening? Robin put her hands on her knees and started crying, her fingertips digging into her knees as Kyle put a hand on her back.
"If you...are gay, Robin, then that's just how it is, I won't hold that against you," Kyle said, "but you gotta do the right thing here. For the sake of her, and honestly, for my benefit. You gotta decide what it is you want, because you're hurting three people here."
Robin nodded again. He was still right. Robin looked towards the door and bit her lip as the tears stained her face, her thoughts turning to Sophie. She could be in an out and open relationship with a wonderful woman, or she could deny her feelings and stay with a man whom, yes, she appreciated and cared for, but wasn't happy being with romantically. But at least the second was far more socially acceptable. Robin finally understood how caged animals felt.
***
After the final evening show, Casper and Catfish found themselves at the Hippo Campus, watching the kids play on the little playground as they ate their ice cream bars shaped like animals. Catfish took another bite, then raised her hand to her mouth, causing Casper to look over at her as she giggled.
"Cold food make my teeth hurt cause of my braces," she said muffled.
"Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't think about that when I suggested ice cream," Casper said, "um...can I ask you a question?"
"Mhm!" Catfish said, taking another bite, clearly not letting discomfort get in the way of her tasty treat.
"Do you..." Casper said, before pausing and closing their eyes, taking a deep breath and continuing, "do you think that, uh...that your life has turned out the way you wanted it to?"
"I mean a lot I didn't have control over," Catfish said, shrugging as she took another bite, "like who I was born to, stuff like that, but overall yeah I got lucky, and I'm really happy. I'm really genuinely happy. I wanted to be what I am and I achieved that goal, so I can't say that I'm feeling unfulfilled exactly. Why, are you unfulfilled?"
"In more ways than one, but certainly not career wise," Casper said, "moreso with who I am."
Catfish watched as Casper finished their ice cream bar and looked at the stick, smirking weakly as they read it aloud.
"Why do Flamingos lift one leg?" they asked, making Catfish smile.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because if they lifted both, they'd fall over," Casper said, the both of them laughing stupidly; after the laughter died down, Casper raised their hands to their face and started crying, catching Catfish by surprise. She scooted closer and put a hand on their back, rubbing gently.
"Are you okay?" Catfish asked.
"I wanna be you," Casper said through their tears, their weary breath.
"You can do that! You just have to take some courses, get a certification, it isn't impossible to become a trainer and-"
"No, not a trainer," Casper whispered, burying their face in their hands even more, as if trying to vanish into nothingness as they weakly, quietly, whispered, "...a girl."
Catfish hadn't expected that admission, nor did she know how to respond to it, but she stayed there, and she gave Casper comfort, because that was what she'd been trained to do. Give comfort to those she cared about. Be they whale or human.
***
"I refuse to believe that this was something that came totally out of the blue," Kyle said, "like, there's always signs, triggers, stuff like that. You don't just suddenly wake up one day and realize you like the same gender."
"You're not wrong," Robin said, "but it's more that I was so young and oblivious that I didn't recognize it for what it was. Only after meeting her did I start to see the very obvious signs that had always been there. Girls I was enamored with for seemingly no particular reason while in school and stuff. Girls I looked up to or admired. I always thought it was because I wanted to be like them, not because I wanted to be with them."
Kyle chuckled and shook his head.
"...I gotta admit, you're a hell of an actress," he said, catching her off guard.
"What?" she asked, turning to look at him, a confused expression on her face.
"You had me believing this entire time you were in love with me, that you were happy in a heterosexual relationship," Kyle said.
"I was," Robin said, "I mean...I was until this happened. It wasn't like I was lying, at least not about that. Or...if I was it wasn't intentional, but more because I didn't know at the time, I don't know, Kyle. It's complicated. But it isn't like I didn't like you, or even like I didn't love you, cause I did. So very very much. You were good to me, good for me, steady and stable and kind. We had things in common. You just-"
"I wasn't a woman," Kyle said, smirking, making Robin blush as she looked down at her hands in her lap.
"...yeah," she said, "And the thing is, I don't know that it would've hit me so hard had it been any other girl. It's just her."
"Why do you think that is?" Kyle asked, and Robin shook her head.
"I'd love the answer to that question myself, believe me," she whispered in quiet reponse. Robin sighed deeply. She knew she had to talk to Sophie, who was still sitting in the living room, likely confused to all hell. Robin sighed, slapped her knees and stood up, starting to head to the living room. However, once she reached it, she found that Sophie was nowhere to be seen. This, in fact, worried her more than if she were still around. Robin stood there for a few minutes, looked around, and then chewed on her lip. She knew she would likely see her at work the following day, but she didn't want to have a conversation this heavy, of this nature, in a workplace. Then again, a good portion of their relationship had taken place at their place of employment, so perhaps it would be fitting. Kyle came out, touching Robin on the back reassuringly, as he passed by and went to start cooking. Robin only hoped Sophie would understand. She'd been so understanding of everything up until now, but this...
...this felt like something she might not come back from. And that scared her half to death.
***
"I'm really sorry," Casper said.
Casper and Catfish were walking down the mainstreet of Wild Kingdom, ensuring everything was closed up for the night. Catfish's shift had ended a while ago, but she'd stuck around to spend time with Casper after their brief breakdown. As Casper turned another key, locked another shop, Catfish couldn't help but smile sweetly at their timidness.
"It's okay," she said, "you don't have to apologize. I've never met anyone who wanted that before, so I'm not exactly used to it or sure what to say, but I don't judge you, for what it's worth."
"I appreciate that," Casper said, exhaling as if they finally were able to relax, "because it's...it's a terrifying realization. And I didn't even realize it until the last few years. I never really questioned who I was until recent times, like, my entire adolesence I felt fine, I didn't...I didn't feel out of place, or anything, outside of the usual teenage confusion, you know? But then...seeing my coworker Robin fall for our coworker Sophie...I don't know. I guess it got me thinking."
"I've never questioned either, I don't think most people do, because most people are comfortable in who they are. Like, for me, I just love being a girl, it's just who I am, but if it's who you are too, you should be able to feel comfortable and happy in your appearance and the way you're perceived by society," Catfish said. The two of them stopped by the Croc Shop, a small snack shop that carried animal themed snacks, and looked at one another, the soft lighting of the neon alligator sign overhead illuminating Catfish's face, making Casper realize just how pretty she actually was.
"I think I'm gonna take some time off," Casper said, "I have some things to work through."
"I think that's a great idea," Catfish said, as they headed towards the front gate together.
Truth be told, and she wouldn't say this out loud, but Casper's willingness to do what made them happy made Catfish think back to the memo she'd gotten earlier, and think about Kazoo. Whose job was it to make Kazoo happy? It was supposed to be hers, her fellow trainers, but none of them seemed to care the way she did. And yet, here she was pushing someone else to pursue doing the right thing when she herself was complacent in doing the exact opposite? No. As they reached the front gate, she stopped and looked at a sign featuring herself and Kazoo.
She had to do something.
"What the FUCK?" Kyle asked.
"Welcome home," Robin replied.
***
Catfish was seated in the changing room where the trainers got in and out of their wetsuits, took showers and the like. As she sat on a bench reading the memo, chewing absentmindedly on her braid, she heard the shower turn off and watched as another trainer, an older woman (in her late twenties) named Laurie, waltzed into the locker aisle wearing her towel and opening her locker to grab her wetsuit. As she dressed, she glanced over at Catfish.
"You okay?" she asked.
"It's this...this memo," Catfish said, "did you get it? Did you read it?"
"Got it, read it, didn't think much of it," Laurie said, shrugging, "Can you zip me up?"
Catfish nodded and stood up, zipping up the back of Laurie's wetsuit. As she finished and Laurie turned back towards her locker, looking at the mirror hung inside it, Catfish exhaled and began scanning her eyes over the paper once more.
"This doesn't feel right," Catfish said, "I know that a lot of what we do is performative, and that...that we work the animals on a rigid schedule, that we are an entertainment aspect of a zoo, but this feels...wrong. This feels like a step beyond."
"Not much we can do about it, so why worry yourself sick," Laurie asked as she started to apply her waterproof makeup.
"I'm worried for the sake of Kazoo and the others, not for us," Catfish said, "my safety is nowhere as tantamount as theirs is to me, so I'm worried for those who can't worry for themselves, can't speak up about being pushed too hard."
Laurie exhaled, finished her application and shut her locker door before turning to face Catfish, hands on her shoulders.
"Okay, sweetheart, listen to me...you are one of those people whose morals and ethics are admirable, but will make you an outcast, alright? You like this job, you want to keep this job? You need to learn to detach, and if you can't do that, then I...I don't know what will happen, but it won't be good, for you, the Splash Zone or Wild Kingdom, okay? And I'm not in disagreement either, I want that made excessively clear. Do you understand?"
Catfish looked in Laurie's eyes, sighed and nodded. She knew Laurie was right, even if her gut screamed the complete opposite at her. After Laurie left, and Catfish had finished getting ready for her day, pulling her hair back into a ponytail best she could, she also exited to find Casper standing outside, as if waiting for her. She flashed them a smile, the sun glinting off her braces.
"Hi!" she said brightly.
"Hi there," Casper replied, putting a hand in their jumpsuit pocket, "I got you something."
"You...did?" she asked, smiling, blushing.
"Yeah I went to an aquarium out of town with my niece and, uh, and I saw this and I thought you might like it," Casper said, pulling a bracelet made of seashells out of their pocket. Catfish wanted to cry. Nobody had ever given her a gift like this before. She held her wrist out and Casper slipped it on, then smiled at it, adding softly, "it looks like a perfect fit."
Catfish blushed even harder as she stumbled for words. She'd only known Casper for a little bit, but she was enjoying the time they'd been spending together at the zoo.
"Do you...wanna walk me to the arena?" Catfish asked.
"Why walk when I could drive you?" Casper asked, twirling their cart keys around their finger, making her laugh. The two of them loaded up into the cart and off they headed, towards the arena, for another day of shows with Kazoo. Whatever was worrying her at the moment could wait. She was simply enjoying the presence of people for a change.
***
"What the fuck, Robin?" Kyle asked, sitting on the edge of the bed as Robin paced back and forth in front of him. He didn't even seem angry, just...confused. Like this had come out of nowhere. And, rightly so, as it sort of had, even for her. Sophie was still sitting in the living room, completely in shock at the revelation that Robin was apparently involved, and with a man of all people.
"I didn't..." Robin started, running her hands down her face, "I didn't know...I didn't know I could feel things for a girl, I'm sorry."
"I mean I'm not upset about that, I'm not an asshole Robin," Kyle said.
"And we always kept it at work, and this was the first time that I brought it back here and-"
"Keeping an affair at a different venue doesn't really excuse it, but okay," Kyle said, interrupting.
"I know, you're...you're right, I'm sorry, that was a bullshit excuse," Robin said, "I just...you have to understand that this came as just a big shock to me as it did to you. I didn't...I never thought...I didn't wanna hurt you. You've always been so good, so nice, and we got along so well and I didn't wanna hurt you, but I also was so enamored with these...these new feelings that I...it just completely clouded my judgment."
Kyle nodded. At least that was a somewhat valid excuse, and she was taking responsibility for her actions. Robin sat down on the bed beside Kyle and exhaled slowly, deeply, as if letting helium out of a balloon at a steady pace.
"I don't...think I'm the one you hurt," Kyle said, surprising both himself and Robin as he continued, "I think it was that poor girl. She looked shellshocked."
Robin nodded in agreement. She hadn't been back out there to talk to Sophie since Kyle had arrived back in the apartment, and, truth be told, she was scared to. Would she even have either of them in her life after this evening? Robin put her hands on her knees and started crying, her fingertips digging into her knees as Kyle put a hand on her back.
"If you...are gay, Robin, then that's just how it is, I won't hold that against you," Kyle said, "but you gotta do the right thing here. For the sake of her, and honestly, for my benefit. You gotta decide what it is you want, because you're hurting three people here."
Robin nodded again. He was still right. Robin looked towards the door and bit her lip as the tears stained her face, her thoughts turning to Sophie. She could be in an out and open relationship with a wonderful woman, or she could deny her feelings and stay with a man whom, yes, she appreciated and cared for, but wasn't happy being with romantically. But at least the second was far more socially acceptable. Robin finally understood how caged animals felt.
***
After the final evening show, Casper and Catfish found themselves at the Hippo Campus, watching the kids play on the little playground as they ate their ice cream bars shaped like animals. Catfish took another bite, then raised her hand to her mouth, causing Casper to look over at her as she giggled.
"Cold food make my teeth hurt cause of my braces," she said muffled.
"Ah, I'm sorry, I didn't think about that when I suggested ice cream," Casper said, "um...can I ask you a question?"
"Mhm!" Catfish said, taking another bite, clearly not letting discomfort get in the way of her tasty treat.
"Do you..." Casper said, before pausing and closing their eyes, taking a deep breath and continuing, "do you think that, uh...that your life has turned out the way you wanted it to?"
"I mean a lot I didn't have control over," Catfish said, shrugging as she took another bite, "like who I was born to, stuff like that, but overall yeah I got lucky, and I'm really happy. I'm really genuinely happy. I wanted to be what I am and I achieved that goal, so I can't say that I'm feeling unfulfilled exactly. Why, are you unfulfilled?"
"In more ways than one, but certainly not career wise," Casper said, "moreso with who I am."
Catfish watched as Casper finished their ice cream bar and looked at the stick, smirking weakly as they read it aloud.
"Why do Flamingos lift one leg?" they asked, making Catfish smile.
"Why?" she asked.
"Because if they lifted both, they'd fall over," Casper said, the both of them laughing stupidly; after the laughter died down, Casper raised their hands to their face and started crying, catching Catfish by surprise. She scooted closer and put a hand on their back, rubbing gently.
"Are you okay?" Catfish asked.
"I wanna be you," Casper said through their tears, their weary breath.
"You can do that! You just have to take some courses, get a certification, it isn't impossible to become a trainer and-"
"No, not a trainer," Casper whispered, burying their face in their hands even more, as if trying to vanish into nothingness as they weakly, quietly, whispered, "...a girl."
Catfish hadn't expected that admission, nor did she know how to respond to it, but she stayed there, and she gave Casper comfort, because that was what she'd been trained to do. Give comfort to those she cared about. Be they whale or human.
***
"I refuse to believe that this was something that came totally out of the blue," Kyle said, "like, there's always signs, triggers, stuff like that. You don't just suddenly wake up one day and realize you like the same gender."
"You're not wrong," Robin said, "but it's more that I was so young and oblivious that I didn't recognize it for what it was. Only after meeting her did I start to see the very obvious signs that had always been there. Girls I was enamored with for seemingly no particular reason while in school and stuff. Girls I looked up to or admired. I always thought it was because I wanted to be like them, not because I wanted to be with them."
Kyle chuckled and shook his head.
"...I gotta admit, you're a hell of an actress," he said, catching her off guard.
"What?" she asked, turning to look at him, a confused expression on her face.
"You had me believing this entire time you were in love with me, that you were happy in a heterosexual relationship," Kyle said.
"I was," Robin said, "I mean...I was until this happened. It wasn't like I was lying, at least not about that. Or...if I was it wasn't intentional, but more because I didn't know at the time, I don't know, Kyle. It's complicated. But it isn't like I didn't like you, or even like I didn't love you, cause I did. So very very much. You were good to me, good for me, steady and stable and kind. We had things in common. You just-"
"I wasn't a woman," Kyle said, smirking, making Robin blush as she looked down at her hands in her lap.
"...yeah," she said, "And the thing is, I don't know that it would've hit me so hard had it been any other girl. It's just her."
"Why do you think that is?" Kyle asked, and Robin shook her head.
"I'd love the answer to that question myself, believe me," she whispered in quiet reponse. Robin sighed deeply. She knew she had to talk to Sophie, who was still sitting in the living room, likely confused to all hell. Robin sighed, slapped her knees and stood up, starting to head to the living room. However, once she reached it, she found that Sophie was nowhere to be seen. This, in fact, worried her more than if she were still around. Robin stood there for a few minutes, looked around, and then chewed on her lip. She knew she would likely see her at work the following day, but she didn't want to have a conversation this heavy, of this nature, in a workplace. Then again, a good portion of their relationship had taken place at their place of employment, so perhaps it would be fitting. Kyle came out, touching Robin on the back reassuringly, as he passed by and went to start cooking. Robin only hoped Sophie would understand. She'd been so understanding of everything up until now, but this...
...this felt like something she might not come back from. And that scared her half to death.
***
"I'm really sorry," Casper said.
Casper and Catfish were walking down the mainstreet of Wild Kingdom, ensuring everything was closed up for the night. Catfish's shift had ended a while ago, but she'd stuck around to spend time with Casper after their brief breakdown. As Casper turned another key, locked another shop, Catfish couldn't help but smile sweetly at their timidness.
"It's okay," she said, "you don't have to apologize. I've never met anyone who wanted that before, so I'm not exactly used to it or sure what to say, but I don't judge you, for what it's worth."
"I appreciate that," Casper said, exhaling as if they finally were able to relax, "because it's...it's a terrifying realization. And I didn't even realize it until the last few years. I never really questioned who I was until recent times, like, my entire adolesence I felt fine, I didn't...I didn't feel out of place, or anything, outside of the usual teenage confusion, you know? But then...seeing my coworker Robin fall for our coworker Sophie...I don't know. I guess it got me thinking."
"I've never questioned either, I don't think most people do, because most people are comfortable in who they are. Like, for me, I just love being a girl, it's just who I am, but if it's who you are too, you should be able to feel comfortable and happy in your appearance and the way you're perceived by society," Catfish said. The two of them stopped by the Croc Shop, a small snack shop that carried animal themed snacks, and looked at one another, the soft lighting of the neon alligator sign overhead illuminating Catfish's face, making Casper realize just how pretty she actually was.
"I think I'm gonna take some time off," Casper said, "I have some things to work through."
"I think that's a great idea," Catfish said, as they headed towards the front gate together.
Truth be told, and she wouldn't say this out loud, but Casper's willingness to do what made them happy made Catfish think back to the memo she'd gotten earlier, and think about Kazoo. Whose job was it to make Kazoo happy? It was supposed to be hers, her fellow trainers, but none of them seemed to care the way she did. And yet, here she was pushing someone else to pursue doing the right thing when she herself was complacent in doing the exact opposite? No. As they reached the front gate, she stopped and looked at a sign featuring herself and Kazoo.
She had to do something.