Pairings in the Park was once again here, and the gang, as usual, was in attendance. The event - one of the smaller of the season - was located in Millsbury Park, and was a simple enough concept; you have a wine and cheese pairing in the park, a multitude of wine and cheeses to choose from, and plenty of other people to talk to while you do it. It was a pretty mundane event, honestly, but that didn't keep the group from showing up. Wine, after all, was wine. As Burnie and Delia walked into the parkgrounds side by side, Delia sighed, tossing her hair.
"I don't even like this event that much," she said softly, making sure nobody would hear her disparaging the event, "it's not that it's a bad event, it's more just....it's so...hokey, you know? So lower tier. I want to go somewhere where I get to dress up nice, where there's ambiance."
"Well, I'm sorry that not every event isn't Mrs. Baudiers Sour Grapes," Burnie said, making her chuckle.
Mrs. Baudiers Sour Grapes was, perhaps, the single most sought after event in the wine tasting community, and was so exclusive that often people went through years of waiting - sometimes even a decade - before finally being admitted to attend.
"Well, I wouldn't even mind if it was just held indoors, it's just the outside I hate," Delia said, "I wear these lovely heels and now they are going to be caked in dirt when all is said and done."
"Why don't you just buy a pair of normal shoes?" Burnie asked.
"Why don't you just shove your opinions up your-" Delia began to reply, before someone walked up interrupting them and instead she turned to greet them, a false smile now plastered on her face as she said, "David! Lovely to see you!"
David Barnes, one of the most popular wine tasters in the community, shook her hand. David was only in his 50s, but he looked like he was younger, and was always dressed so well. Clean loafers, a nice pair of ash grey slacks and a black button down shirt. He then shook Burnie's hand as well.
"Glad to see you two could make it!" he said jovially, "You want to taste the best pairing here? Follow me."
Delia looked at Burnie, who just shrugged, and so they began to follow David through the park.
"Why are there kids here?" Burnie asked, as he noticed children running around the park, playing and screaming.
"Well, there may be wine present, but this is one of the more family friendly events. It's in a park, and often parents can't find sitters," David said as they strolled through the grass, "it's fine though, none of the kids ever get into the alcohol, so there's no need to worry."
***
At that very moment, some kids were, in fact, getting into the alcohol.
Teenagers, actually. They'd snuck off some of the flights off a little ways away from the main tables, and were leaning against the trees drinking. As they drank, they noticed two people - Preston and Flo - at a nearby table, picking things out and making one another taste them.
"What do you think about them?" one of the teens, a boy named Ryan, asked.
"I think they'd do it, they look cool," another teen, a girl named Ashley, replied.
With that, Ryan left and approached the table.
"What do you think?" Flo asked as she watched Preston eat a cheese. After a few moments, he nodded, grinning.
"Yeah, that's good, pair that with this," he said, holding up a small glass, "and boy there's a nice aftertaste when the two meet."
Flo nodded, taking a piece of cheese for herself, popping it into her mouth and chewing before taking Preston's glass and sipping from it, making a contented noise, indicated she agreed with him. As they did this, Ryan approached the table, tapping his fingers on it, so as not to come off as suspicious. After a few seconds, he looked up at Flo and Preston, who looked up at him and smiled, politely acknowledging his presence.
"What do you recommend?" he asked.
"Well," Flo said, "personally, I think this Brie goes well with this Rose, but that's just my opinion. Everyone's pallets are different. Is this your first time here?"
"Yeah," Ryan said, "you guys wanna come and help my friends and I get initiated? We came as a group since we've never done this before, and we're all a little nervous."
Flo and Preston exchanged a glance, then shrugged, happy to help. So, with a little plate of cheese and some more wine, they followed Ryan back to the little spot he and his group had hidden themselves away in, unaware that they were actually hanging out with high schoolers. And yet...for some reason, this made sense. Given how immature Flo and Preston were, it was almost like they were just hanging out with their peers.
***
Burnie bit into a hunk of cheese and got a distinct look of unease flashing across his face. Delia looked over at him as he politely spit it into a napkin and then tucked it into his coat pocket since there wasn't a nearby trashcan. Delia hit him in the arm, causing him to glance over. They were waiting for David to come back with his girlfriend who had brought a special bottle of wine, and were, while waiting, testing various cheeses, but from the looks of it, Burnie wasn't much enjoying himself.
"You okay?" Delia asked, and Burnie shrugged, shaking his head.
"Something about that cheese in particular...I know it's supposed to be aged but it tastes outright rotten. Maybe do yourself a favor and stay the hell away from that one."
"Are you just gonna walk around with that cheese in your pocket for the rest of the day?"
"If you see a garbage can, please tell me," Burnie said, "until then, yes, he's now my passenger."
Just then David reappeared, but with no wine bottle and no girlfriend. Delia took a piece of cheese and a flight of one thing or another, eating and drinking the two together, before turning her attention back to David.
"So?" she asked, wiping her hands on a napkin provided on the table, "where is she? Where's this bottle?"
"She's busy at the moment, but she'll bring it over here as soon as she's done," David said, "so how many times have you guys come to Pairings? Cause I didn't see you last year, but surely this isn't your first time."
"David," Burnie said, interrupting, looking ill, "what was this cheese?"
Burnie pointed at what he had eaten from the table, and David, adjusting his glasses and leaning in, inspecting it, shook his head.
"No idea Burnie, sorry. Something someone brought, but it does look...off, doesn't it?" David answered, "anyway, Delia, this isn't your first time, right? Surely you've been to a Pairings before."
As Delia explained her personal history with Pairings, Burnie started to stumble away a bit, looking for a garbage can to not only throw away the cheese in his pocket but also to maybe throw up in. People were usually pretty good about bringing decent cheese, but for some reason this had slipped through the cracks and now he felt sick to his stomach. He could feel it rising in his stomach, but he wasn't sure where to go or what to do. Whatever he was going to do, he was going to have to make a decision, and quick, or else he was going to be a spectacle. Meanwhile, back at the table, Delia was continuing to explain her history with Pairings when a young woman with short dark brown hair and wearing a bright yellow tight dress approached, holding a bottle of wine.
"Oh, thank you!" David said, taking it from her happily and handing it to Delia before grabbing the woman and kissing her, now making Delia uncomfortable. The woman then excused herself momentarily to use the restroom, saying she'd be right back.
"Um," Delia said, "...was that your daughter? Cause if so, we need to have a talk."
"No," David said, laughing, "no no, that's my new girlfriend, Gabby."
"David, she's like...22," Delia said, looking at the bottle as she spoke, not able to help herself but admire it, "are you sure that's...you know...okay?"
"She's of legal age, she's of drinking age, I don't see a problem with it," David said, shrugging.
"Of course you don't," Delia said, as David grabbed a piece of cheese from the table and popped it in his mouth, now turning back to face her as he chewed and furrowed his brow.
"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked.
"It means that men often don't see anything wrong with doing something just because it's technically legal, forgetting entirely about the morally grey areas of the whole thing," Delia said, handing him back the wine bottle and putting a hand on her hip, "for instance, it's scientifically proven that a persons brain doesn't stop maturing until the age of 25, meaning that they're essentially the same until then, regardless of whatever facets of their personality they might develop over that course of time. Therefore, sure, she's over 18 and technically legal to date, and sure she's over 21 and technically legal to drink, but that doesn't mean she's entirely capable of comprehending the emotional consequences that come with a serious relationship."
"Who said it's serious?" David asked, taking a sip from a flight of red he'd picked up from the table, admiring its tastes as he licked his lips, "we're just having fun."
"Does she know that?" Delia asked, "Cause trust me, the way she looked, she sure seemed to think it was serious."
David turned and saw Gabby approaching them again, wiping his mouth on his sleeve and sighing. Dammit. Why did Delia always have to point out the flaws in his life. He wasn't intending to hurt anyone, and he wasn't trying to take advantage of some young girls naivete. He genuinely liked Gabby as a person, but maybe Delia had a point. She should be with her peers, not at some smarmy wine tasting event in the park. David sighed and looked back at Delia.
"You know," David said, "you're kind of a pain."
"I've been told that a lot lately, actually," Delia said, folding her arms and smirking, "...where'd Burnie go?"
***
Burnie had gotten a bit aways from everyone else, just in case he ralphed, and eventually came to a small clearing where he came through the bushes and found, of all things, Flo and Preston with the high school kids. Burnie stopped in his tracks and stared at them, before Flo walked towards him, putting a hand on his shoulder and looking him in the eyes.
"You okay?" she asked, "you look like ass."
"I feel like ass," Burnie mumbled, "I think I ate some rotten cheese."
"You smell like rotten cheese," Flo whispered, waving her hand in front of her face, "are you gonna puke?"
"God I hope not, this suit is expensive," Burnie said, "have you seen a trashcan anywhere on these premesis? Because I haven't and at this point I'm convinced garbage cans are an elaborate conspiracy and don't actually exist and are, in fact, a collective delusion."
From the small group, the kids were now looking up and over at Burnie and Flo, curious what all the fuss was about. Being sick wasn't something Burnie was good at, he certainly never handled it particularly well, and being sick at a public event? An event where he knew a lot of the people? Well that would just be outright embarrassing. Ryan stood up and came across the grass to Flo and Burnie, reaching into his pocket and telling Burnie to open his hand, which he did. Ryan then put something in his hand and told him to take this, because it would help settle his stomach. Burnie nodded and popped the pill into his mouth, swallowing. Ryan chuckled and patted his back.
"There you go buddy," Ryan said, "you'll be alright."
"You just carry around acid reducers?" Flo asked, half laughing, half confused.
"Oh, no, that was a Xanax, I stole them from my mom," Ryan said.
"What?!" Burnie shouted, "you gave me a Xanax?! You can't mix heavy medication with alcohol, are you out of your damn mind?!"
"Don't worry, don't worry, we'll fix it," Flo said, snapping her fingers at Preston who stood up and ran over to them. He and Flo exchanged a glance, before Preston nodded, grabbed Burnie by the shoulders and kissed him, making everyone laugh and gasp. After the kiss ended, Burnie pulled away from him, wiping his mouth repeatedly on his coat sleeve.
"What the hell?!" Burnie shouted, "Preston, don't get me wrong, you're a good looking guy, but I...I..."
And with that Burnie bent over and vomited all over his nice new shoes. Preston and Flo gave one another a light high five as Ryan stood there, astonished.
"How did you know that would make him puke?" Ryan asked.
"Because it's shock, he wasn't expecting it, it turned his stomach," Preston said, "we've known him long enough to know how his body works. Nausea is a funny thing that way."
"...my shoes," Burnie said, hands on his knees, looking downwards, "oh god, my shoes. Preston...you're buying me new shoes."
"Yeah, right, like I can afford that," Preston muttered, "you're welcome by the way."
As Preston turned and walked away a bit, Burnie screamed and leapt on his back, tackling him to the ground, everyone laughing as they watched. Burnie wasn't even mad that Preston had kissed him, Burnie was nothing if not a queer ally and neither of them were even bisexual, but he was pissed about his shoes more than anything else. Flo crossed her arms and smiled as she watched her friends fight, Ryan standing beside her.
"Are things with you guys always like this?" he asked.
"Pretty much," she replied, nodding.
***
Delia approached Gabby from behind, as she was chatting with some people. Delia picked up a new wine glass full of a red zin on the way to the small group and, once she arrived, waited for the ladies to finish their conversation, politely standing by and smiling, sipping her wine. Once the discussion came to a bit of a lull, Gabby finally turned and noticed Delia, smiling at her brightly.
"Hi again!" she said cheerfully, "did you try that wine?"
"I did, yeah, David opened it," Delia said, "absolutely delightful, easily the best thing here, but that's no surprise, given that David happens to be an expert collector of fine wines. But that's actually not what I want to talk to you about, I really want to-"
"Can I ask..." Gabby said, "sorry to interrupt but...are you about to lecture me on our age difference? Because god knows I've heard it from everyone. My parents, my friends, some of his friends, everybody. And I just want you to know that whatever it is you're going to try and add to the conversation has probably already been said threefold, and so, instead, maybe mind your own business."
Delia was flabbergasted. She was doing something nice, trying to look out for another woman, and instead Gabby was just being an upfront ass about it.
"I...I just wanted to let you know that, yes, it's a little odd," Delia said, stammering, "obviously you're an adult, you can do whatever you want, nobody could stop you, but it's going to make society look at you strangely and frankly David is a nice guy but I don't think you really want to be a part of this lifestyle. It isn't as nice as it's made out to be. Lot of alcoholics come out of these tastings."
"I appreciate your concern, MOM," Gabby said, tossing her hair, the women behind her snickering, "but you're just talking to a wall at this point. I've heard everything you can imagine, so why don't you just-"
But before she could even finish her statement, Preston, still with Burnie on his back, burst through the crowd, shouting at Burnie to get off him. They stumbled around the tables, knocking a smaller one over, before finally approaching Delia and bumping into her elbow, causing her to jerk her arm forward and dump her wine glass on Gabby's beautiful yellow silk designer dress. Gabby looked down at her stain, Delia putting a hand to her mouth in shock, as the guys continued on past them, and then, as Gabby's eyes met with Delia's, Delia started laughing.
Needless to say, the group was completely barred from ever coming to Pairings in the Park again.
***
"Well that was an unmitigated disaster," Burnie said, sounding sick and weak as they sat in a nearby coffee shop to help settle his stomach.
"That's what my headstone will read," Flo said, biting into the sandwich she'd gotten from a convenience store next door.
"God, that was glorious," Delia said, nibbling at the muffin she'd gotten in the coffee shop, "that girl had such a nasty attitude, and I didn't even have to do anything myself, it was a total accident. Well done, men. You really helped me not feel like a bitch while being a bitch."
"Glad to help," Burnie muttered, resting his head on the table as Delia reached over and ran her fingers through his hair to soothe him. Just then the group of teenagers walked into the coffee shop and, after spotting the gang, Ryan approached the table and looked at them, smiling, laughing.
"You guys were a riot," he said, "honestly, that made today way better than I expected it to be. Also, Flo, would it be cool if I gave you a call sometime?"
"...aren't you in high school?" Delia asked, "you look way too young to be drinking."
Flo suddenly got a horrified look on her face, pulling her sunhat down to cover her head as Ryan walked away ashamed. Delia looked across the table at Flo and shook her head.
"Don't feel bad, you didn't know," she said.
"Heh," Preston chuckled, "the only guys who like you are high schoolers."
"I have better luck than you with your socks," Flo snapped back, causing Preston to blush.
Truth be told, the gang themselves weren't all that different from said group of high schoolers they'd sort of spent the afternoon with. Bickering, snide comments, inappropriate behavior, and yet...also like a teenage friend group, tight to the end of days like adult friend groups could never achieve. In a way, there was something comforting about growing up without ever growing up. Delia thought back to Gabby and her now ruined dress and couldn't help but laugh to herself once more.
She'd much rather spend her free time with these idiots than the stuck up snobs at events like that. And maybe someday someone like Gabby will recognize the value in that as well.