Alexis hated grocery shopping.

Standing in the aisle with her basket around her arm, trying to find the best deal on potato chips was not her idea of an exciting time. The one thing she found she missed from drugs most of all was how exciting they made everything out to be. Even the most mundane task suddenly had an edge of thrill to it. Laundry became an olympic sport. Now everything was so dull, he senses so grounded, and she hated it. She picked up another bag and looked at them momentarily before tossing them into the bag and turning to head to another aisle, this time microwave ramen. As she rounded the corner into the aisle, she stopped dead in her tracks. Standing in the aisle, readjusting things on the shelf, was Rick. Her chest tightened, and a smile broke on her face. Whatever feelings drugs might've had on her, this was the same rush, and she loved it. She approached him, reaching up and fondling the pendent around her neck, before stopping and clearing her throat.

"You know," she said, "making something look nicer doesn't make it healthier. A beautiful alcohol display will still give you liver cancer."

Rick turned, standing up fully with his back to her, before turning to face her, the biggest, stupidest smile on his face.

"Hi," Alex said, and Rick throw his arms around her, making her blush.

"God I missed you," he whispered.

                                                                           ***

Lilian and Miranda both had parties to work that day, and since Maddie had no school she opted to stay home and invite Lux over to hang out. Their last conversation had left her feeling somewhat...concerned. So she got out lots of snacks and drinks and she pulled out board games, and tried to make the home, her room in particular, as warm and welcoming as she could. She wanted Lux to feel safe. As Maddie was neatly stacking board game boxes, she heard a knock on the door and excitedly went to answer, to find Lux standing outside. She let Lux in, who dumped her bookbag on the floor and then collapsed face down into the couch, moaning.

"Um..." Maddie said, "...are you okay?"

"no," Lux said, muffled, "i'm not."

"I have board games, and food," Maddie said, "I thought we could play games and-"

Lux rolled her head to face Maddie, who sat down on the coffee table in front of the couch, their eyes locked.

"What is it?" Maddie asked.

"i heard my parents talking," Lux said.

"And?" Maddie asked.

"...and they said they wished it'd been me," Lux finished, shrugging, her eyes completely cold, "so there's that."

                                                                            ***

Helena was in her office when John entered, shutting the door behind him. She smiled as he sat down across from her and she put her pen down, giving him her full attention. Since taking over, John had been the one real holdout, and they hadn't had much of a chance to speak, but not because she hadn't tried. He was just so resistant to her leadership. John sighed and crossed his legs.

"Sorry for not making an appointment," he said.

"You don't need an appointment, John," Helena said, "I appreciate you thinking you do though. What can I do for you?"

"What can you do for me, gee, that's the question," John said, chewing his lip, clearly being flighty, "uh, well...this is...this is gonna be...um...okay. I have a daughter. She's in her late twenties, but...but she's mentally disabled from an accident when she was a child, she's got the mentality of a very young child. Anyway, she loves to play dress up. When I go to visit her, it's one of her favorite things to do. I was thinking that maybe, ya know, under a diversity hiring initiative, we could bring her in and have her work - with me at her side, of course - for other mentally challenged kids."

Helena cocked her head, thinking for a second. She didn't know John had a daughter, but she did love how dedicated to her he appeared to be, it was very sweet. Helena looked around her office, picked up her mug of coffee and took a long drink before putting it back down and sighing.

"No," she said.

"...excuse me? Just...no, just like that? Not even a discussion?" John asked.

"Work isn't a democracy, John, we don't get together and have labor relations," Helena said.

"Actually, that's exactly what work is when there's a union involved, so I suppose maybe that's where I'll have to start," John said sternly.

"John," Helena said, "trust me, you don't want this."

His brow furrowed, both in confusion and annoyance. What the hell did that mean? Her tone made it sound like she had some previous experience with this sort of thing, whether it was personal or adjacent, and he wanted to pry, to ask questions, but instead he just balled his hands into fists and bit his lip.

"It would mean so much to her, please," John said, trying not to cry, "she's in that room so much, and sure there's other people like her where she lives, in this hospital, but...but it isn't the same. Nobody but me will play dress up with her. Aren't you familiar with the phrase 'think of the children'?"

"Aren't you familiar with the phrase 'don't shit where you eat'?" Helena asked, causing John to recoil in surprise; she was so brisk, so very stern, and he wasn't used to that in a boss. Course, he was also used to being his own boss most of the time, so. John leaned back in his chair again and tried to relax.

"Who fucking hurt you?" John asked, taking Helena by surprise.

"Excuse me?" she asked, half laughing out of shock.

"You heard me," John said, "because guess what, this is the kind of response that is only warranted by being hurt badly, so I would like to know who fucking hurt you. I'll tell you who hurt me, who did this to my daughter, if you wanna share equally, but I'm not leaving here until you give me a concrete answer as to why you can't let someone have something that would make them, and a child, happy."

Helena nodded slowly. She had to admit, she admired John for being so strong willed, but...did she really want to get into this with him? Did she really want to talk about Adam?

                                                                         ***

Alexis and Rick were sitting outside the grocery, in the back, where the loading trucks dropped things off and picked things up. They were seated on a stack of pallets, watching people load and unload the trucks as they shared a sandwich and drink Alexis had bought inside the grocery. As Rick finished his half, Alexis laid her head on his shoulder, and made him blush.

"I didn't know you were out," Alexis said.

"Why would you, it isn't like we kept in touch," Rick said.

"You seem to be doing well, you have a job and-"

"I'm still using," Rick said, "if that's what you're after knowing. I just decided to leave the hospital. Felt my efforts had run their course. Especially without you there, I mean, I just felt so alone. That...I'm sorry...that wasn't an attempt to guilt you, I'm just trying to explain my line of thinking. Uh...you look amazing, by the way, you're still..."

Rick and Alexis looked at one another, noticing nothing else around them. Alexis smiled warmly as Rick struggled.

"...you're perfect," he whispered, scratching his forehead, "fuck, I'm sorry, I'm not as smooth as I was before, I feel like, I don't know, maybe I'm more anxious or something. Then again, maybe you're just SO beautiful that I can't help but be nervous around you."

Alexis laughed, and for the first time in months, it felt genuine. So much of her emotions since release from rehab had felt so forced, so manufactured, but laughing with Rick...that felt real. Alexis gripped his other hand tightly and squeezed as they watched two young men drop an entire crate of glass soda bottles and start yelling at one another.

"I still have your cigarette," Alexis said, "I can't bring myself to smoke it."

"Waiting for the end of the world?" Rick asked, smirking, making Alexis chuckle.

"I just like having a part of you, since I..." Alexis started, before stopping, blushing and looking away, stammering, "uh...since I can't have all of you."

Rick blushed back. In all his years of dating, he'd dated some great women, and some of those girls had liked him a lot, but Alexis was different. She was enamored with him as much as he was with her. That was always the problem, it seemed, was more often than not Rick was the one more invested in the relationship than whoever he was interested in. But that clearly wasn't the case here, and it was nice to have that interest reciprocated for a change.

"You still doing parties?" Rick asked, and Alexis nodded.

"Mhm," she said, taking a bite from the sandwich and chewing before continuing, "yeah, I generally only get pool parties cause, ya know, pirate, but uh, but last week I was hired to actually attend a fully nautical themed party for a swim team at a middle school and that was actually pretty great. Lots of mermaids, sailors, they redecorated the whole gym in this, like, undersea motif and stuff. It was...it was spectacular. You know...you...you could come work with us."

Rick smiled but shook his head.

"Nah," he said, "I appreciate the gesture, don't get me wrong, but, uh...but I don't think it's good to entwine your life that way when you're with someone."

"Well there's this couple who works with me, these two women, and they seem happy working together and being together, I just thought, ya know, maybe if-"

"Alexis," Rick said and she shook her head.

"Don't," she said coldly.

"We're not a couple," Rick said, and she started breathing hard, trying not to cry; Rick sucked air through his teeth and rubbed the back of his neck, adding, "jesus, um...I didn't mean that in the sense that I don't want to be, you know? I would love nothing more than to be with you, you're everything I ever dreamed of. I still have that painting of you I did, and I hung it up in my apartment, and I look at it when I go home sometimes and I just..."

Rick started sniffling, his eyes filling with tears, Alexis turning her head to look back at him.

"...I miss you so fucking much," Rick said, "it's like there's this hole inside of me. This terrible, gaping chasm, like a sinkhole that opened up underneath a giant city and took everything with it, and there's no way to fill it back up because the only thing that might have been able to do that I can't have. The city planner wasn't prepared for this sort of disaster, sinkholes are rare in large metropolises after all. But I miss you. I miss you so much it physically hurts me. But I don't want to endanger you, or...or risk your sobriety. You deserve to be stable, and be with someone who can be stable with you, and I don't think I can do that."

Alexis turned on the pallet, crossing her legs and putting one arm over his shoulder, her other hand running up and wiping the tears from his face, making him smile as he closed his eyes and kept crying. Alexis leaned in and pressed her lips to his, and he happily kissed her back.

"Please," she whispered, resting her forehead against his, "please let me keep you. I can't walk away again."

"We can't do this," Rick whispered back, the both of them sobbing quietly together.

"...I don't know what hurts worse," Alexis said quietly, wiping her eyes on her shirtsleeve, "...the fact I can't have you, or the fact that you're the only person I've ever been with who cared enough about my sense of self to not risk it for your own selfish needs."

Alexis looked up at him again, their eyes meeting. Rick's golden eyes peered back at her, and she bit her lip. She felt his recently growing up in stubble on the palm of her hand and all she wanted was to take him home with her and keep him forever.

"I love you," she whispered, barely audible.

"I love you too," Rick said, "that's why I respect you enough to not ruin you with my addiction."

Alexis nodded and buried her head under his chin. He rested his head atop hers and rubbed down her back, comforting her. It was so nice. So so nice to feel his hands on her once again. To feel his warmth and his love. She just didn't want to leave, to let him go, to know that some other woman would likely end up having him. She wanted him. She wanted him all to herself.

"I just came to buy salsa," Alexis said, the both of them lauging.

                                                                            ***

Helena had gotten up and poured both herself and John a drink. She then leaned against the little bar she'd set up and sipped at her scotch while John just sniffed his, taking in the scent without drinking it. He was wary to go back to alcohol, even in a professional setting. After she finished, Helena exhaled and closed her eyes.

"John," she said, "when your daughter was in that accident, you felt that surge of fear shoot through you, didn't you? The belief that you'd lost the most important thing in your entire life. You know that fear well, don't you?"

"Absolutely," John said.

"But, you didn't lose her. She's hurt, but she's here. But imagine if she had died, just humor me, I know it's uncomfortable. Imagine she didn't survive. At least she died fast, and that doesn't mean the pain is any less intense, but it's all over so fast. Now, imagine if she hadn't gotten into an accident, but instead, she'd gotten sick. She'd gotten sick and you had to watch her die slowly over a prolonged period of time. Which do you think would genuinely be worse to deal with?"

"...the second, no question," John said, "having to watch her suffer, try to...to come to terms with what's happening t her, that would break me as a parent."

"Exactly," Helena said, taking another prolonged sip, smacking her lips, "...my son David, he wound up in the hospital because I took him to work. Trust me when I say you don't want to be the reason your child gets harmed. I recognize that your daughter is now an adult, but an adult with an asterisk, considering her prolonged mental issues and overall arrested development. Don't make things harder for her."

"I was trying to make things easier," John said.

"And you're a good father for that, game recognize game John, but...you're going to be taking a grown woman with the mentality of a child and putting her around actual children who, more often than not, are weirded out by that kind of behavior. There's a reason we built hospitals to keep these kinds of people in. It's because, societally, we can't accept them. It's disgusting, but it's a fact. I'm sure she's a wonderful little girl, I'm not at all passing judgment on her or anyone like her, I'm just saying that the adults at the party, and the kids at the party, will be confused."

John exhaled and nodded, knowing she was right. He turned the glass of scotch in his hand around and then shrugged, downing it in one fell swoop before wiping his mouth on his arm. A drink now and then didn't kill him. He stood up and headed for the door.

"John," Helena said, as he stopped, hand on the knob and turned towards her; she smiled warmly and added, "if you really want her to be somewhere, bring her here. Let her hang out with us. We'll be nothing if not accepting and understanding. And, hell, most of us are in costume all the time anyway. Might get her dress up wish after all."

John smiled weakly, nodded and then turned to exit when he stopped and looked back at Helena once more.

"How's your son now?" he asked.

"I visit him regularly," Helena replied, smiling. John nodded again, then finally exited. As soon as he left, however, the smile, the facade, dropped from her face and she sighed, scratching her forehead. Sure, she did visit him regularly. But that didn't make it any easier.

                                                                           ***

Lux and Maddie were laying on the floor of the living room, staring up at the ceiling.

They'd spent the afternoon snacking, playing games, watching some cartoons, just generally hanging out. Lilian and Miranda wouldn't be home until late and, from how Lux described it, she might not have to go home at all. Maddie thought she might ask Lilian if she could spend the night here. Lux slowly sighed and tossed her long perfect blonde hair from her face.

"...you know...I don't know that I ever loved my parents," Lux said, "I could always tell they loved my brother more than me, and I also knew that if I said anything about what he did to me most nights that they would never believe me. I'm so jealous when I see kids who love their parents and are having fun with them."

"Recently, my...moms, I guess...they took me to a museum to see dinosaurs, cause I think dinosaurs are cool," Maddie said, "and while we were there, I saw this mom there with a daughter a little younger than me and I got so sad. I have two amazing women raising me, and my dad is still alive, but...but learning that my own mom never even really wanted me...that hurts so bad that I can't help but dwell on it."

Lux reached over, arm outstretched, and held Maddie's hand. Maddie smiled a little. It was so nice to finally have a friend her age who understood.

"I am so glad he's dead," Lux whispered, "he's dead, and he can't hurt me anymore. I don't have to jump in fear every time my bedroom door opens now. I feel...safe."

Maddie nodded. She understood. She'd so grown to fear her mother during the time she had been poisoning her father that she knew full well what that feeling was like. The two girls lay there, each with their respective trauma, but each glad to have been bonded in spite of it. For the first time since she could remember, since the party really, Maddie felt like a kid again, and it was lovely. Sure, she and Lux were still mature for their age - anyone who went through what they did would have to be - but ultimately they were kids and it was nice to feel like a kid instead of a miniature adult.

"Thanks for getting my brother killed," Lux said, making Maddie laugh.

"Don't mention it," she replied, the both of them laughing now.