"Hopefully you've taken some of what we've discussed today and manage to apply it to your life. I just want you to be the healthiest, happiest version of you that you can be. And while I still have your attention, I'd like to say that this episode is sponsored by Freelings, a journal with daily instructional steps to help you feel your feelings more freely," Nat said, holding up the book, "and I for one, fucking hate myself for it."
"Alright, cut," Jay said, stepping away from the camera, and rubbing his hands over his face, "alright, that was funny, but, ya know...maybe don't insult the advertiser. It was one of the least sleazy we could manage to find."
"The whole thing about selling stuff to people I'm trying to help just feels gross. I recognize we need the financial backing, but...there has to be a less intrusive, slimy way to go about it, right?"
"Advertising on the whole is slimy and intrusive," Misty said, sitting at the table, taking notes for the book, "but it can often be presented in a way that isn't so. That's the trick, I think, to find a way to make it appear like you're genuine about what it is you're attempting to sell to them, and not just using your platform as a way to make excess income at the expense of your gullible audience."
Jay turned and looked at Misty, who was eating a bagel. She just shrugged and went back to work as he scoffed and turned back to the camera.
"Listen, we cannot survive on subscriber base and merch payments alone," Jay said, "I know it's awful to hear, and everyone likes to complain a singular 15 second adspot now, but it's just true. Advertising is what pays for things. Plain and simple. It's why television worked the way it did for so many years. Not necessarily because it was the only option with no real alternative competition, but because its model flat out worked. So just try to recognize that Corrine and I picked the best possible ones for you to work with, and let's shoot this thing right."
"I guess you're right," Nat said, sighing and looking at the journal in her hands, "...I just wish..."
A moment passed as Jay prepared for another take.
"...I just wish I wasn't a salesman," Nat whispered.
But, truth be told, her money was, in fact, going to good causes.
***
"I'm scared," Courtney said, sitting propped up in the hospital bed, Violet standing next to it. Violet was holding one of Courtney's hands, squeezing reassuringly, as Courtney tried to brace herself for the coming operation. After a moment, Courtney exhaled and added, "it's so funny, without your mom this might not be happening for a while, and it's all I've wanted for a long time now, but I'm still so scared."
"I think it's, uh, normal, ya know, to be scared of medical stuff," Violet replied, "no matter what it is. I think that's natural."
"...you're not gonna see me differently, are you?" Courtney asked, and Violet gave her a confused look. Courtney sighed and explained, "because, ya know, you've known me this way for so long now, you won't...this isn't gonna change how you see me, right?"
"I could never see you as, um, I guess, ya know, anyone other than who you are," Violet said, shrugging, "so no?"
Courtney smiled and blushed. Violet really was her best friend, she knew she could count on her support no matter what. But the idea...the idea of having her bottom surgery, of being, physically, identical to a cis woman, it still scared her. This was a big part of her identity for so long now, and yet it still made her anxious to know that, in a few short hours, she would no longer be the person she used to be, physically anyway. That was going to take some getting used to. A nurse entered and told Violet she would have to leave a minute, as they began to prep Courtney for surgery, and Violet nodded in understanding response.
"You'll be here when I wake up?" Courtney asked.
"Where else am I gonna go? I don't drive," Violet said, making her laugh. Courtney took Violet's hand in hers, their fingers interlaced, and brought it up to her face, rubbing her hand against her cheek, sighing comfortingly.
"Thank you," Courtney whispered, as Violet blushed and nodded slowly. After this, Violet was forced to take leave of the room, and wound up back in the waiting area where Corrine, who had driven her here, was still sitting, reading an outdated magazine. Violet plopped herself down in the chair beside Corrine and chewed nervously on her fingernails as Corrine turned the page of the magazine and scoffed.
"This might've been good advice two years ago, but it's pretty outdated now," Corrine said, "medical science moves fast."
"Can I ask you something? And you have to promise not to tell my mom," Violet said, getting Corrine's attention. Corrine put the magazine in her lap and turned to face her fully.
"Sure, what's up?"
"Um, well...when you...when did you, ya know, growing up, realized that, uh...ya know...you..." Violet started, before trailing off and looking down at her hands in her lap, clearly anxious, "...when did you first like girls?"
Corrine's eyes widened in surprise. She'd never taken Violet as someone to even have crushes, but let alone one on the same sex. Corrine exhaled and leaned back in her chair, folding her arms as she bit her lip and thought about it. When had it started? She'd never had a crush on a boy, that much was certain, but when had she first officially crushed on someone? For a good chunk of her adolescence, Corrine had been entirely detached from social interaction for the most part, opting to avoid her peers and instead spend time alone. So...Freshman year in high school, maybe?
"I think when I was...15," Corrine said, "I mean, in hindsight, there were definitely girls I thought were pretty when I was little, but I didn't really understand what that meant until later on, you know? But the clues were always there, even if I was bad at picking up on them. But then, when I was a freshman in high school, whoo boy. There was this girl in my science class that I just lost my mind for. She had this long, wavy chocolate colored hair and these amber eyes, and she was really, really smart. Wanted to go to college for genetics and stuff. That was probably my first major realization."
"I never thought I would, ya know...feel, um, feel anything romantic for anyone," Violet said, almost shaking, "cause I...I'm not, uh, I'm not, ya know...normal."
"You're perfectly normal," Corrine said, putting a hand on Violet's back and rubbing comfortingly, before adding, "...why don't you want your mom to know?"
"I don't know."
"You know she wouldn't judge you, right? Hell, her entire identity is based around accepting others and helping them be happy as themselves, why wouldn't she want that for her own daughter?" Corrine asked, before adding, "I mean, sure, things change a bit when it's your kid, sometimes, but I don't see your mom as one of those kinds of people. But if you don't want me to say anything, then your secret is safe with me."
Violet smiled and nodded, still staring at her lap. It felt good to get it out of her. To have said it at least once. Even if it wasn't to the woman she trusted most in the world.
***
"I know how you feel," Misty said as she and Nat sat at the table while Jay worked on lighting; Misty continued, "the idea of having to accept any kind of questionable funds with equally questionable morals is...it makes me uncomfortable. I'm lucky inso that I only write for others, not myself, and that means the money is already taken care of. But for those out there attempting to make a name for themselves via their text, I can only imagine how frustrating the whole thing must be, trying to secure some kind of finances when you know all they want in return is for you to shill."
Nat nodded, half listening. She was eating chips and dip, but watching Jay work on the set in the corner of the kitchen, where they often shot outros. All she could think about was how gross it felt to have to whore herself out to simply continue to do what she'd always done.
"In a way," Nat finally said, "the freedom leaving the station gave me is also crippling me creatively, because now I'm publicly funded, sure, but not on the same level as the station. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it to stay in the business, just because of that."
Misty finished her bagel and licked errant cream cheese off her fingertips before sipping her coffee, then setting her mug down on the table loudly with a thunk, causing Nat to fully look at her.
"It's funny, the way we both interact with our respective mediums; here you are, insisting you want to help others, being openly yourself, presenting things the way they are or should be and hoping those listening take your advice to hear for the betterment of their lives. Meanwhile I'm trying to be anyone other than me. I want to live in the shadows, do my work and stay unbothered."
"Did you ever write for you?" Nat asked, and Misty grimaced.
"Once, but...but not anymore, and not in a very, very long time," Misty replied, "that's the thing most people don't tell you about art. It's only worthwhile if it's financially viable."
"See I don't agree with that," Nat said.
"You don't have to, and you're right not, but when dealing with the corporate world...it's sadly the truth," Misty said, before going back to jotting down notes in her little booklet. Nat sighed and looked back at Jay, who was now adjusting features on the camera, and she wondered how he really felt about all this. Sure, he and Corrine went through and they gathered what they assumed to be the best of the worst possible sponsors, but did he really accept things as they were, or was he also angry with her, the way she was angry with herself, for having to go down this route? Especially now with the influx of new fans from her livestream, and needing the extra money to cover it, bandwidth costs and all. She wanted to ask him.
But she was afraid of hearing what she didn't want to hear.
***
Corrine, after dropping Violet back off at home, went to Ashley's. Sitting cross legged in the bed, wearing nothing but her oversized sweater while Ashley returned with two cups of tea, Corrine couldn't help but feel weird about the interaction she'd had with Violet that afternoon. Clearly the kid was going through some kind of identity crisis, and, okay, she had asked Corrine not to tell her mother...but she had said nothing about telling her aunt. Corrine knew it was fucked, to out someone when they didn't want to be outed, but she needed advice. Ashley, after handing Corrine her cup, also climbed back onto the bed and sat back, leaning against the headboard.
"You know," Ashley said, after taking a sip, "I don't think I ever needed liquids as much after sex as I do with you."
"Is that a good or a bad thing?" Corrine asked.
"I'd say it's a positive, it means you wear me out," Ashley remarked, winking, making Corrine chuckle. Corrine then turned and faced her, legs still crossed, holding her cup between her hands.
"I need to ask your advice on something," Corrine said, "...and please don't talk to Nat about this, but...Violet told me today that she might have a crush...on a girl. She came to me for advice, asking when the first time I ever had one was, and I told her my experience. But the whole thing has left me wondering...what about you?"
A pause, and Ashley thought about it. Well, outside of the nurse in the hospital, there hadn't been one woman in particular she could think of that had been an 'awakening' of sorts, but she also, admittedly, had never liked women, or at least not accepted having liked them, until after her illness. She hesitated answering, lifting her cup to her lips and taking a sip.
"I was never with any girls, I didn't grow up liking girls, I didn't have feelings for woman until after I got better and, even then, they were pretty sparse, minimal, nothing major. So no, I don't have a 'story' like other queer women might, but that doesn't make me any less queer. Sexuality is fluid, after all, for a lot of people and can change over time. I think I just was so deep in the closet, trying to be so perfect, that I wasn't willing to let anything ruin that for me, you know? And then you showed up."
"I ruined it for you?" Corrine asked, half grinning.
"It was more like being punched in the face, this sort of...sudden holy shit moment where I realized, the moment I sw, what it was I was missing and what I'd always been looking for. So no, until you, nobody else ever piqued my interest romantically, if that's what you're asking."
A brief pause, as silence filled the room and Corrine swallowed her pride.
"Then what makes you think I'm so worthwhile? Why should I believe you won't just leave me for someone else?" she asked, near tears.
"Whoa, hey, what's....what's going on, are you okay?" Ashley asked, scooting forward, putting her cup down on the bedside table and placing her hands on Corrine's face, lifting it to look at her; she added, "Corrine, why would you...why would you think I would do that? Haven't I made it crystal clear that you're all I want?"
Corrine nodded and Ashley smiled.
"Exactly," she whispered, continuing, "so there's no reason to be afraid of me leaving or this ending. And as for helping Violet, you did your best, I'm sure, but maybe I'm the one she should talk to. I am her aunt, after all."
"You can't tell her I said anything," Corrine said, "I promised her-"
"I won't, but when the time comes, she needs to know I'll be there."
"And when will the time come? When will we be out together?" Corrine asked, and this one surprised Ashley, because she herself wasn't sure. She was still with Stephen, she was still technically in a heterosexual relationship, and she was, in a sense, having an affair with Corrine. When would she feel comfortable ending her ongoing life for something different?
"I don't know, but...but we'll make it happen soon, okay?" Ashley whispered, kissing Corrine on the forehead, "because, frankly, you're too special to hide from others."
Corrine pushed herself into Ashley and cried, while Ashley ran her fingers through her hair, comforting her. Corrine had a point. It was wrong to continue living in shadows, at least in their situation. If someone doesn't want to come out of the closet yet, that's understandable, but to be married to a man and still sleeping with a woman, that was an entirely different set of circumstances, and Corrine deserved better. They both did. And Ashley knew her time with Stephen was at an end. History or not, it was over.
It just kind of hurt to admit it.
***
Nat was standing in the checkout line of the grocery store, picking up a frozen pizza and a handful of other items, when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She jumped a bit, while retrieving her credit card from her wallet, and turned just to notice Sharla standing there in her workout attire. Nat laughed, a hand to her chest, and nodded.
"Okay, don't do that again," Nat said, "you damn near spooked me half to death. I was so focused."
"Sorry, I'm just trying to be friendly," Sharla said, the both of them laughing now; Sharla then asked, "how're things going? We haven't spoken much since before the livestream."
"It's...weird," Nat said, unsure of how to explain it, before turning to fully face her and asking, "hey, do you have sponsors?"
"Sure, gotta. Can't survive otherwise," Sharla said, holding up her water bottle and shaking it, "like this company, they gave me a free bottle and all kinds of free healthy waters-"
"The fuck is a healthy water? Isn't all water healthy?"
"Yeah, drink leaded water and then come talk to me," Sharla said, chuckling, "anyway, they give me all sorts of perks just for featuring the bottle in my work."
"But you...you don't actually...advertise it?"
"No, it just being there is enough. The way I saw it was that I felt bad for trying to sell things to people who are just trying to stay in shape, get in shape, etc. I didn't want them to feel as though I was taking advantage of them looking for help by me trying to sell them useless crap. And sure, what I'm advertising isn't harmful by any means, it's a goddamned water bottle, but it still made me feel uneasy. So, I told them, I'll do this but under one condition...I don't say anything about it. It's just there. People see me use it, and some like it aesthetically and others like me enough to just be inspired to buy one and that's that. It's a prop. That's how you have to look at it."
Nat nodded slowly, taking this advice in. Sharla had a point. Look at advertising as a prop, just something to be seen during filming, and perhaps she could quash the gross feeling actually advertising it gave her in her stomach. Nat finished paying for her things, and then, after bagging them, looked back to Sharla.
"You know, you're really business savvy," Nat said, "I'm glad to have you on the team."
"Well thank you!" Sharla replied excitedly, sounding genuinely touched. She paid for her items, and together they started walking out of the grocery to their respective vehicles.
"So what do you think about a journal that encourages people, with templates, to express how they feel on a given day?" Nat asked.
"I think it sounds pushy," Sharla said.
"Yeah, that's what I thought too," Nat replied.
"Alright, cut," Jay said, stepping away from the camera, and rubbing his hands over his face, "alright, that was funny, but, ya know...maybe don't insult the advertiser. It was one of the least sleazy we could manage to find."
"The whole thing about selling stuff to people I'm trying to help just feels gross. I recognize we need the financial backing, but...there has to be a less intrusive, slimy way to go about it, right?"
"Advertising on the whole is slimy and intrusive," Misty said, sitting at the table, taking notes for the book, "but it can often be presented in a way that isn't so. That's the trick, I think, to find a way to make it appear like you're genuine about what it is you're attempting to sell to them, and not just using your platform as a way to make excess income at the expense of your gullible audience."
Jay turned and looked at Misty, who was eating a bagel. She just shrugged and went back to work as he scoffed and turned back to the camera.
"Listen, we cannot survive on subscriber base and merch payments alone," Jay said, "I know it's awful to hear, and everyone likes to complain a singular 15 second adspot now, but it's just true. Advertising is what pays for things. Plain and simple. It's why television worked the way it did for so many years. Not necessarily because it was the only option with no real alternative competition, but because its model flat out worked. So just try to recognize that Corrine and I picked the best possible ones for you to work with, and let's shoot this thing right."
"I guess you're right," Nat said, sighing and looking at the journal in her hands, "...I just wish..."
A moment passed as Jay prepared for another take.
"...I just wish I wasn't a salesman," Nat whispered.
But, truth be told, her money was, in fact, going to good causes.
***
"I'm scared," Courtney said, sitting propped up in the hospital bed, Violet standing next to it. Violet was holding one of Courtney's hands, squeezing reassuringly, as Courtney tried to brace herself for the coming operation. After a moment, Courtney exhaled and added, "it's so funny, without your mom this might not be happening for a while, and it's all I've wanted for a long time now, but I'm still so scared."
"I think it's, uh, normal, ya know, to be scared of medical stuff," Violet replied, "no matter what it is. I think that's natural."
"...you're not gonna see me differently, are you?" Courtney asked, and Violet gave her a confused look. Courtney sighed and explained, "because, ya know, you've known me this way for so long now, you won't...this isn't gonna change how you see me, right?"
"I could never see you as, um, I guess, ya know, anyone other than who you are," Violet said, shrugging, "so no?"
Courtney smiled and blushed. Violet really was her best friend, she knew she could count on her support no matter what. But the idea...the idea of having her bottom surgery, of being, physically, identical to a cis woman, it still scared her. This was a big part of her identity for so long now, and yet it still made her anxious to know that, in a few short hours, she would no longer be the person she used to be, physically anyway. That was going to take some getting used to. A nurse entered and told Violet she would have to leave a minute, as they began to prep Courtney for surgery, and Violet nodded in understanding response.
"You'll be here when I wake up?" Courtney asked.
"Where else am I gonna go? I don't drive," Violet said, making her laugh. Courtney took Violet's hand in hers, their fingers interlaced, and brought it up to her face, rubbing her hand against her cheek, sighing comfortingly.
"Thank you," Courtney whispered, as Violet blushed and nodded slowly. After this, Violet was forced to take leave of the room, and wound up back in the waiting area where Corrine, who had driven her here, was still sitting, reading an outdated magazine. Violet plopped herself down in the chair beside Corrine and chewed nervously on her fingernails as Corrine turned the page of the magazine and scoffed.
"This might've been good advice two years ago, but it's pretty outdated now," Corrine said, "medical science moves fast."
"Can I ask you something? And you have to promise not to tell my mom," Violet said, getting Corrine's attention. Corrine put the magazine in her lap and turned to face her fully.
"Sure, what's up?"
"Um, well...when you...when did you, ya know, growing up, realized that, uh...ya know...you..." Violet started, before trailing off and looking down at her hands in her lap, clearly anxious, "...when did you first like girls?"
Corrine's eyes widened in surprise. She'd never taken Violet as someone to even have crushes, but let alone one on the same sex. Corrine exhaled and leaned back in her chair, folding her arms as she bit her lip and thought about it. When had it started? She'd never had a crush on a boy, that much was certain, but when had she first officially crushed on someone? For a good chunk of her adolescence, Corrine had been entirely detached from social interaction for the most part, opting to avoid her peers and instead spend time alone. So...Freshman year in high school, maybe?
"I think when I was...15," Corrine said, "I mean, in hindsight, there were definitely girls I thought were pretty when I was little, but I didn't really understand what that meant until later on, you know? But the clues were always there, even if I was bad at picking up on them. But then, when I was a freshman in high school, whoo boy. There was this girl in my science class that I just lost my mind for. She had this long, wavy chocolate colored hair and these amber eyes, and she was really, really smart. Wanted to go to college for genetics and stuff. That was probably my first major realization."
"I never thought I would, ya know...feel, um, feel anything romantic for anyone," Violet said, almost shaking, "cause I...I'm not, uh, I'm not, ya know...normal."
"You're perfectly normal," Corrine said, putting a hand on Violet's back and rubbing comfortingly, before adding, "...why don't you want your mom to know?"
"I don't know."
"You know she wouldn't judge you, right? Hell, her entire identity is based around accepting others and helping them be happy as themselves, why wouldn't she want that for her own daughter?" Corrine asked, before adding, "I mean, sure, things change a bit when it's your kid, sometimes, but I don't see your mom as one of those kinds of people. But if you don't want me to say anything, then your secret is safe with me."
Violet smiled and nodded, still staring at her lap. It felt good to get it out of her. To have said it at least once. Even if it wasn't to the woman she trusted most in the world.
***
"I know how you feel," Misty said as she and Nat sat at the table while Jay worked on lighting; Misty continued, "the idea of having to accept any kind of questionable funds with equally questionable morals is...it makes me uncomfortable. I'm lucky inso that I only write for others, not myself, and that means the money is already taken care of. But for those out there attempting to make a name for themselves via their text, I can only imagine how frustrating the whole thing must be, trying to secure some kind of finances when you know all they want in return is for you to shill."
Nat nodded, half listening. She was eating chips and dip, but watching Jay work on the set in the corner of the kitchen, where they often shot outros. All she could think about was how gross it felt to have to whore herself out to simply continue to do what she'd always done.
"In a way," Nat finally said, "the freedom leaving the station gave me is also crippling me creatively, because now I'm publicly funded, sure, but not on the same level as the station. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it to stay in the business, just because of that."
Misty finished her bagel and licked errant cream cheese off her fingertips before sipping her coffee, then setting her mug down on the table loudly with a thunk, causing Nat to fully look at her.
"It's funny, the way we both interact with our respective mediums; here you are, insisting you want to help others, being openly yourself, presenting things the way they are or should be and hoping those listening take your advice to hear for the betterment of their lives. Meanwhile I'm trying to be anyone other than me. I want to live in the shadows, do my work and stay unbothered."
"Did you ever write for you?" Nat asked, and Misty grimaced.
"Once, but...but not anymore, and not in a very, very long time," Misty replied, "that's the thing most people don't tell you about art. It's only worthwhile if it's financially viable."
"See I don't agree with that," Nat said.
"You don't have to, and you're right not, but when dealing with the corporate world...it's sadly the truth," Misty said, before going back to jotting down notes in her little booklet. Nat sighed and looked back at Jay, who was now adjusting features on the camera, and she wondered how he really felt about all this. Sure, he and Corrine went through and they gathered what they assumed to be the best of the worst possible sponsors, but did he really accept things as they were, or was he also angry with her, the way she was angry with herself, for having to go down this route? Especially now with the influx of new fans from her livestream, and needing the extra money to cover it, bandwidth costs and all. She wanted to ask him.
But she was afraid of hearing what she didn't want to hear.
***
Corrine, after dropping Violet back off at home, went to Ashley's. Sitting cross legged in the bed, wearing nothing but her oversized sweater while Ashley returned with two cups of tea, Corrine couldn't help but feel weird about the interaction she'd had with Violet that afternoon. Clearly the kid was going through some kind of identity crisis, and, okay, she had asked Corrine not to tell her mother...but she had said nothing about telling her aunt. Corrine knew it was fucked, to out someone when they didn't want to be outed, but she needed advice. Ashley, after handing Corrine her cup, also climbed back onto the bed and sat back, leaning against the headboard.
"You know," Ashley said, after taking a sip, "I don't think I ever needed liquids as much after sex as I do with you."
"Is that a good or a bad thing?" Corrine asked.
"I'd say it's a positive, it means you wear me out," Ashley remarked, winking, making Corrine chuckle. Corrine then turned and faced her, legs still crossed, holding her cup between her hands.
"I need to ask your advice on something," Corrine said, "...and please don't talk to Nat about this, but...Violet told me today that she might have a crush...on a girl. She came to me for advice, asking when the first time I ever had one was, and I told her my experience. But the whole thing has left me wondering...what about you?"
A pause, and Ashley thought about it. Well, outside of the nurse in the hospital, there hadn't been one woman in particular she could think of that had been an 'awakening' of sorts, but she also, admittedly, had never liked women, or at least not accepted having liked them, until after her illness. She hesitated answering, lifting her cup to her lips and taking a sip.
"I was never with any girls, I didn't grow up liking girls, I didn't have feelings for woman until after I got better and, even then, they were pretty sparse, minimal, nothing major. So no, I don't have a 'story' like other queer women might, but that doesn't make me any less queer. Sexuality is fluid, after all, for a lot of people and can change over time. I think I just was so deep in the closet, trying to be so perfect, that I wasn't willing to let anything ruin that for me, you know? And then you showed up."
"I ruined it for you?" Corrine asked, half grinning.
"It was more like being punched in the face, this sort of...sudden holy shit moment where I realized, the moment I sw, what it was I was missing and what I'd always been looking for. So no, until you, nobody else ever piqued my interest romantically, if that's what you're asking."
A brief pause, as silence filled the room and Corrine swallowed her pride.
"Then what makes you think I'm so worthwhile? Why should I believe you won't just leave me for someone else?" she asked, near tears.
"Whoa, hey, what's....what's going on, are you okay?" Ashley asked, scooting forward, putting her cup down on the bedside table and placing her hands on Corrine's face, lifting it to look at her; she added, "Corrine, why would you...why would you think I would do that? Haven't I made it crystal clear that you're all I want?"
Corrine nodded and Ashley smiled.
"Exactly," she whispered, continuing, "so there's no reason to be afraid of me leaving or this ending. And as for helping Violet, you did your best, I'm sure, but maybe I'm the one she should talk to. I am her aunt, after all."
"You can't tell her I said anything," Corrine said, "I promised her-"
"I won't, but when the time comes, she needs to know I'll be there."
"And when will the time come? When will we be out together?" Corrine asked, and this one surprised Ashley, because she herself wasn't sure. She was still with Stephen, she was still technically in a heterosexual relationship, and she was, in a sense, having an affair with Corrine. When would she feel comfortable ending her ongoing life for something different?
"I don't know, but...but we'll make it happen soon, okay?" Ashley whispered, kissing Corrine on the forehead, "because, frankly, you're too special to hide from others."
Corrine pushed herself into Ashley and cried, while Ashley ran her fingers through her hair, comforting her. Corrine had a point. It was wrong to continue living in shadows, at least in their situation. If someone doesn't want to come out of the closet yet, that's understandable, but to be married to a man and still sleeping with a woman, that was an entirely different set of circumstances, and Corrine deserved better. They both did. And Ashley knew her time with Stephen was at an end. History or not, it was over.
It just kind of hurt to admit it.
***
Nat was standing in the checkout line of the grocery store, picking up a frozen pizza and a handful of other items, when she felt a tap on her shoulder. She jumped a bit, while retrieving her credit card from her wallet, and turned just to notice Sharla standing there in her workout attire. Nat laughed, a hand to her chest, and nodded.
"Okay, don't do that again," Nat said, "you damn near spooked me half to death. I was so focused."
"Sorry, I'm just trying to be friendly," Sharla said, the both of them laughing now; Sharla then asked, "how're things going? We haven't spoken much since before the livestream."
"It's...weird," Nat said, unsure of how to explain it, before turning to fully face her and asking, "hey, do you have sponsors?"
"Sure, gotta. Can't survive otherwise," Sharla said, holding up her water bottle and shaking it, "like this company, they gave me a free bottle and all kinds of free healthy waters-"
"The fuck is a healthy water? Isn't all water healthy?"
"Yeah, drink leaded water and then come talk to me," Sharla said, chuckling, "anyway, they give me all sorts of perks just for featuring the bottle in my work."
"But you...you don't actually...advertise it?"
"No, it just being there is enough. The way I saw it was that I felt bad for trying to sell things to people who are just trying to stay in shape, get in shape, etc. I didn't want them to feel as though I was taking advantage of them looking for help by me trying to sell them useless crap. And sure, what I'm advertising isn't harmful by any means, it's a goddamned water bottle, but it still made me feel uneasy. So, I told them, I'll do this but under one condition...I don't say anything about it. It's just there. People see me use it, and some like it aesthetically and others like me enough to just be inspired to buy one and that's that. It's a prop. That's how you have to look at it."
Nat nodded slowly, taking this advice in. Sharla had a point. Look at advertising as a prop, just something to be seen during filming, and perhaps she could quash the gross feeling actually advertising it gave her in her stomach. Nat finished paying for her things, and then, after bagging them, looked back to Sharla.
"You know, you're really business savvy," Nat said, "I'm glad to have you on the team."
"Well thank you!" Sharla replied excitedly, sounding genuinely touched. She paid for her items, and together they started walking out of the grocery to their respective vehicles.
"So what do you think about a journal that encourages people, with templates, to express how they feel on a given day?" Nat asked.
"I think it sounds pushy," Sharla said.
"Yeah, that's what I thought too," Nat replied.