Laura wasn't naive. She wasn't sheltered. She knew that she was 15 now, she was well aware of the 'changes' her body was going through. She'd gone from being a short, awkward gangly little girl to being a tall, awkward but conventionally attractive young woman in just under a year and she was aware things were only going to get worse. She didn't really hate the changes as much as she hated the attention it brought to her. And what was worse was that a lot of it was expected to be accepted, specifically when wearing certain clothes, like her new swimsuit for example. Even now being 15, Laura hated the idea of a two piece and opted instead to stick with having a one piece, because she just figured the less skin she showed, the less attention she'd attract. Course, many women knew this wasn't the case, but she was doing her best to work around it regardless.
Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, admiring herself in her salmon colored one piece, she couldn't believe how long her legs had gotten in such short time. She pulled her hair back behind her and put her hands in front of her, holding them together and looking at herself dead on in the mirror. She didn't want this. She didn't want to grow up. She didn't want to stay a child either. Truth be told, she wasn't exactly sure what she wanted. A knock on the dressing room door caused Laura to break concentration and turned quickly.
"I'm almost done," she said.
"Sweetheart," Gayle said through the door, "Your sister's getting restless so we're gonna head on down to the pool and you can come find us, okay?"
"Alright," Laura said. She then waited patiently until she knew her parents and sister had left, then exited the bathroom. She sat on the end of her parents hotel bed and stared at the wall, unsure if she even wanted to go down. She didn't really want to be seen. She sighed. She knew she'd get a talking to if she didn't join though. This was supposed to be one of their 'family' days. Laura gathered her towel and headed to the front door of the room, opening it to find, much to her surprise, Hannah standing there. Hannah, unlike Laura herself, had gone for the typical two piece swimsuit. Bannana yellow and frilly, Laura couldn't deny how good it looked on her. Laura came out of the room and shut the door behind her.
"I didn't know you were waiting," Laura said.
"Well, I figured when I saw your folks leaving without you that you might want some company," she replied.
"That's...that's thoughtful of you," Laura said, as she and Hannah started down the hallway. As they walked, Laura couldn't stop from sideyeing Hannah up and down. She looked so...good. So grown up. And here she was, feeling like a child still, or something in between.
"Are you a good swimmer?" Hannah asked, and Laura shrugged.
"I mean, I've done it, I can do it," Laura said, "I haven't drowned yet."
"That's the right answer!" Hannah remarked, making Laura laugh. They got to the elevator and waited for it to arrive. Once it did, and the doors slid open, the girls made their way inside and pressed the appropriate buttons for the main floor. The elevator was slow, but Laura could hear the gears and ropes overhead moving, and it brought her a weird sense of calm. Then she felt Hannah's hand in her own, and she blushed. The doors opened again, and the two exited, heading towards the outdoor pool area. All things considered...this might actually be a pretty good day.
***
Gayle was in the kiddie pool with Jasmine, playing with her, while Steven was laid out on his chaise lounge, staring at his book when he heard someone sit on the seat beside him. He rolled his head in that direction, only to spot Erin of all people. She was in a bikini and had a sheer overshirt on, though it wasn't cinched shut, along with a large sunhat with a sunflower on it. She tugged her sunglasses down and smirked at him.
"You get days off and you opt to spend them at work? Christ, you're like my wife," Steven said, making Erin laugh as she raised her legs up on the chair and started applying sunscreen.
"Yeah, well," she said, "on my salary you expect me to be able to do anything else? It's like working in a restaurant, you get free food. Perk of an otherwise shitty job."
"Do they let you sleep here too?" Steven asked, smirking.
"Look, I slept here one time, and that was before I was able to afford an apartment, okay?"
"Where do you live?" Steven asked, putting his book down.
"With a few other girls downtown above a donut shop," Erin said, shrugging as she began applying to her other leg now, "it's not great, the area isn't super safe, but the apartment always smells like donuts so you take what little bonuses you can get."
Steven had so many questions about Erin that he wanted to ask, but didn't want to come off as creepy. He just saw in her a young woman who clearly had had a tumultuous adolescence and this was her adulthood as a result. In a way, she reminded him on Laura. Acting stoic, but deeply sad inside, hiding her issues behind the veil of humor or likeability. He didn't want Laura to end up in this sort of situation.
"I suppose one could get used to the scent of bear claws admist raging poverty," Steven said, making Erin chuckle.
Meanwhile, across the way, Laura and Hannah had arrived. Laura felt tense, nervous, anxious. Her stomach was clenched. All these people being capable of seeing her, not just seeing her, seeing her in this one piece swimsuit. She'd lied to herself about the need for a one piece, claiming modesty, when really it came down to body dysmorphia. She hated this weird, in between stage she seemed to be stuck in, and didn't want anyone else to notice it either. Hannah tugged on her hand, pulling her towards a few chairs under large umbrellas and a bit away from everyone else.
"I set these up before I came upstairs," Hannah said, "just so we didn't have to feel crowded and already had a place when we got down here."
"Oh, thanks," Laura replied, "...you really know how to plan ahead."
"Well they could've been taken while I was gone, but I made a huge stink about what would happen if someone did that before I left so everyone knew to leave 'em alone," Hannah said, "there's perks to being considered a child, still. Nobody wants to disappoint children."
Laura laughed and nodded, sitting down on one of the lounges and wrapping her towel around her body. She didn't want to be seen at all. As she sat there, she watched Hannah dig through a little drawstring bag she'd brought with her, rummaging for one thing or another. Hannah had such beautiful skin, and Laura wanted to reach out and put her hands on her back, to feel her flesh. She wanted to touch her, and this thought made Laura recoil again, feeling ashamed. She instead diverted her eyes to the ground and waited until Hannah was done. Hannah pulled a pair of sunglasses from her bag, then turned and looked at Laura. Hannah frowned.
"Hey," she said, "you wanna see smething cool?"
Hannah grabbed Laura's wrist and yanked her off the chair.
"But we just got here!" Laura remarked as they headed back into the building.
Gayle, meanwhile, had pulled Jasmine from the kiddie pool and taken her bag to their seats, where she found Steven and Erin engaged in conversation. She sat down on her lounge and began to dry Jasmine's hair (Jasmine absolutely hated being wet when not submerged in water), simply listening to her husband and the bell girl talk. If anything, she felt happy that Steven had made a friend, and was glad to see him socializing. Gayle set Jasmine up with her noise canceling headphones before turning back to face Steven and Erin and possibly join in the conversation.
"It isn't even that I dislike working here," Erin said, "cause I really don't. I like the low keyness of the job. Working minimum roles at a hotel is about the closest one can get to working in a record store in the 90s. That's the level of career aspiration I can manage to ascribe to. I don't really have any goals or anything else in mind. I just wanna have enough money to live in a building, afford food and sometimes see friends."
"I know what you mean," Steven said, "when I was in my early 20s, still in college, I worked in a video rental shop and a bookstore, not at the same time of course, and those were the best jobs of my life. Having a career sucks. Too many expectations, too many ramifications when things go belly up. I wanna just hang out with coworkers and talk about movies again."
Gayle's smile faded. She felt like she was the only person who enjoyed her career, and then felt bad for it. She stood up.
"I'm gonna go get a snack," she said flatly, before walking away.
***
"Why is there an indoor pool if there's also an outdoor pool?" Laura asked.
"Because people just automatically associate pools with being outside, but honestly, this is way cooler," Hannah replied.
The hotel did, in fact, have two pools. One indoor and one outdoor. And, as Hannah stated, everyone opted for the outdoor for the socialization in the weather, meaning this indoor pool was currently absolutely empty as a result. The light wasn't so harsh, it was quiet and isolated, and Laura felt all her anxieties melt away. She approached the pool and dipped her legs inside as she sat on the steps leading in while Hannah waded fully into the water. Hannah dunked her head under and when she reappeared, she pushed her hair back, causing Laura to blush and look away. Even soaked she looked beautiful.
Laura stepped further into the pool, the water rising around her. She felt her feet touch the bottom and noticed the water only came just a little above her waist. Again she had to ask herself when she'd gotten so tall? Seemed like only last week she couldn't reach the top shelf in their kitchen, and now here she was, like a giant passing through a river. Hannah swam a bit further away, and Laura followed. It was almost totally silent in this indoor pool, aside from the quiet sloshing of water being moved as they swam further into the center.
"Are you having a good vacation?" Hannah asked and Laura shrugged.
"I don't know, it feels weird not to be at home," she replied.
"I'm kind of the same way. I miss my grandma, and not seeing her here is strange," Hannah said, "when a place is so tied to a person, it becomes strange when the person is gone but the place remains."
Laura had stopped moving, so Hannah swam up closer, causing Laura's heart to beat faster.
"I guess that's why I like making friends while I'm here, tie the place to new people, you know? But then if I ever come back here as an adult or something, they probably won't be here, so it'll be weird all over again in a totally different way."
"We could make a pact to come back as adults and see one another," Laura said, not realizing what she was saying until the words had left her mouth and then she felt stupid for them, but Hannah just smiled at this suggestion.
"I like that, like a tradition," Hannah said, "traditions are what make life fun, always something to look forward to! Like a holiday. I love the holidays. It's the one time of year everyone stops fighting and is just nice to one another. Of course I realize they do it cause it's expected of them, it'd be rude to fight during the holidays, but still. It's nice to have that break."
Laura couldn't help but notice Hannah was looking away from her, her eyes wet, but was it just the pool water or were they tears? Laura swam a little closer, her voice low.
"I won't ever fight with you," she said softly, causing Hannah to look back towards her, smiling.
"Yeah? You promise?" she asked, and Laura nodded. The air filled with total silence, Laura didn't even hear the water moving in the pool. Hanna swam closer and put her hands on Laura's shoulders; she continued, "cause...I'd really like to have someone who doesn't wanna fight in my life. Life is already really hard, you know? And the last thing I want is someone making it harder. People should make things easier. They should work together."
"I know, my parents fight a lot, but my mom says it's cause they want the best for me," Laura said.
"Mine don't," Hannah replied, surprising Laura, because up to this point she'd assumed Hannah's parents were cool, but...now that she thought about it, Hannah did pretty much have whatever freedom she wanted, and didn't seem to be involved with her family despite being on vacation with them; Hannah sniffled and added, "I mean, maybe they say they do, and in some ways they do, but they'll never want what I think is best for me."
"And...what is that?" Laura asked, her voice shaking as Hannah looked up and in her eyes. Hannah didn't even reply, she just laid her arms over Laura's shoulders and leaned forward in the water, and pressed her lips against Laura's, surprising her. Laura's eyes widened, but she didn't resist one bit, since this was all she'd thought about for days now. Laura finally snapped back to the moment and pushed forward, pinning Hannah against the side of the pool and kissing her back. After a few minutes, Hannah pulled her face away and was crying.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly.
"Why?" Laura asked.
"I'm just sorry," Hannah said.
"You don't have to be sorry, ever, especially for that," Laura whispered, putting her palm on Hannah's face.
"I should get back to my parents," Hannah said, slipping away and swimming towards the front of the pool. She emerged from the water, grabbed her towel and waved goodbye, before quickly exiting the building, leaving an extremely confused Laura there to tread water by herself. Laura sighed and leaned against the side of the pool, sloshing the water with her legs gently, so very uncertain of what any of this meant. She reached up and touched her lips, smiling. Hannah had tasted exactly as she expected, and she was happy to have kissed her, and been kissed by her. Eventually, Laura rejoined her folks, and by the time the evening came around, they all headed back up to the room and ordered food in. All in all, it could've been a worse day.
***
"I like working," Gayle said, "I like having something to do. Not that being a mom isn't something to do, but...god, it's so hard to explain."
Gayle and Steven were seated on the balcony of their suite, sharing a cigarette. Steven didn't respond, he just listened.
"Hearing you and the bellhop talk about jobs, jobs you had that were absentminded and easy, it just made me feel bad about how much effort I like to put into stuff," Gayle said, blowing smoke out into the air before handing the stick across to Steven; she added, "and then I feel bad, cause I feel like you're judging me for it. I like being a mom, and I like being a wife, but I feel like sometimes that's all you expect me to be."
"You know that isn't true," Steven said, "Hell, I'm the one who pushed you to get that promotion."
"I know, and I know you believe fiercly in women in the workplace and all that," Gayle said, putting her legs up on the railing and leaning back, arms behind her head, continuing, "but...I don't know. I guess I just feel pressure from every angle and then I feel bad because I feel like if I'm not good at one, I'm great at the other, and then when I'm not good at that one, I'm good at the other, and then people expect me to be great at both and fuck, Steve, it's hard being a woman. All this fucking expectations."
"Hey, I...I realize I've been kind of shitty," Steven said, "and what Erin and I were talking about by no means applies to you or your work ethic. Everyone approaches things differently. You're not a bad mom, or a bad wife, and you're great at your job. Frankly, I'm appreciative of the work you do, especially since I'm not so good at working. I don't mean this in any way as to put pressure on you, but...fuck...without you, this family would be nothing. You're everything."
Gayle smiled, knowing he didn't mean it in a pressuring sense.
"...I need my job, Steven," she said quietly, "and I need your support."
"I know, and I'm gonna do better, I promise."
Gayle reached over and held Steven's hand as they stared at the sky, unaware that, on her own balcony, Laura was also staring at the sky, more confused yet the least confused she's ever been, somehow. The Waltons were certainly having one hell of a vacation.