The Hutch was Douglas's domain, but Douglas had been out sick for weeks now and thusly the job had fallen to Robin, despite not knowing a damn thing about butterflies. But this was a very popular school trip, kids coming into The Hutch during butterfly mating season, and Robin, being the most approachable member - something they discovered through a comment card system Nelly had implemented that had done a wreck on everyone's self-worth as performers - seemed to be the obvious choice for the job, especially seeing as she had no Miss Gazelle tours to give today. So, Robin was given the uniform for The Hutch, a pair of black slacks and an orange button down shirt to simulate the visual look of Monarch butterflies, and was sent on over via golf cart to do the job.
"This is an outrage, I've been gunning for The Hutch for so long," Harvey said as he drove Robin on over to the small hill that lead up to the building; he continued, "I just hope you enjoy doing it, it's one of the cushier gigs, all things considered."
"Definitely no danger involved, that's for damn sure," Robin said, opening the wrapper to her breakfast burrito and biting into it.
"Unless, somehow, the butterflies become introduced to a toxic radioactive waste and then grow ten times their size and start to destroy entire cities, but when has that ever happened except for that one time?" Harvey said, making Robin laugh. Harvey wasn't someone Robin got to spend a tremendous amount of time with, but she really did like him. He was calm, cool, collected, level-headed. She loved how ordinary and milquetoast he was in comparison to someone like Fletcher, for instance. As the cart came to a stop outside The Hutch, and Robin climbed out, tossing her wrapper in a nearby trash can, she turned and looked back at Harvey, who pushed his glasses up his face with his index finger.
"For what it's worth, you look good in the uniform, the colors really suit you," he said, and Robin smiled.
"Yeah, well, let's hope it's not permanent. I don't mind doing it a few times, but it isn't the area I want to be in," she replied, waving at him as she headed up the long and winding railed in pathway that led to the front doors. While doing so, she heard the sound of shoes coming up behind her and turned to see Sophie, then looked down at her shoes. She was wearing big clunky sneakers with velcro straps and a sweater that seemed about two sizes too large.
"What are you doing here?" Robin asked, and Sophie smiled, stuffing her hands in her large sweater front pocket.
"I heard you were doing The Hutch today, so I thought I'd come see and help," Sophie said.
"Wow, word travels fast," Robin mumbled.
Together the two girls approached the door, where the crowd of kids and their chaperones were, and Robin unlocked the door while Sophie stood by her side. She wouldn't tell anyone this, but there was another reason Sophie loved the Hutch, and that was because of her sister.
***
The migration of the monarchs was something Sophie loved doing every single year, and it was something she and her sister attended every time. From the time Sophie was about 5, her sister, Olivia (who was roughly 7 years older than her) always took her to the nearest spot by their house that managed to see the migration. It was always something Sophie looked forward to, because she loved the colors of the wings against the bright blue sky. The orange mixing with the whites of the clouds and the blue of the sky, it always made her feel as if there was actually magic in the world. But...
...as her sister got older, however, it became harder and harder to get up to that spot. First it was just the exhaustion that made the trek up the hill tire Olivia out. Then it became tougher when she had to drag the oxygen tank behind her. Before long, the trek was made with Sophie pushing Olivia in a wheelchair while she struggled to breath through her face mask. But every year they made the trek, and every year they were both so happy they did. Every year it was something they could do together.
Until the year they couldn't.
***
The nice thing about The Hutch, which Robin hadn't been aware of, was that it was very easy to present. The kids were instantly in awe of the inside, of the massive amount of butterflies, and honestly, most of her presenting was merely restating facts about monarchs, about their migration, about the building itself and its purpose. Didn't take long before the kids were off on their own, simply enjoying the space and the creatures there within. Robin sat on one of the benches placed throughout the exhibit, Sophie beside her, sitting cross-legged and looking up at the butterflies, smiling. Robin sipped from her coffee cup and glanced over. The way the light came through the tinted ceiling glass made Sophie's face appear so beautiful in a way she hadn't expected. Her short, curly blonde hair and her small hands peeking out the enormous cuffs of her oversized sweater. Robin felt her heart skip a beat.
"It's beautiful in here," Sophie mumbled.
"No argument here," Robin replied, lifting her coffee cup to her lips.
The thing was...Robin had never once had a crush on a girl. Well, that wasn't entirely true. She had like the older girl who had helped make her costume for a play in school, but she didn't know why at the time. In hindsight, now, it made a lot more sense. But other than that, she'd rarely ever felt anything for a girl, and that was weird, considering every boy she'd ever been with had felt awkward and wrong. But being with Sophie? That felt so normal. So ordinary. So...right.
"I used to go see the migrations with my sister," Sophie said, smiling.
"I didn't know you had a sister," Robin said.
"Had being the operative word," Sophie remarked, "but they're still nice memories, in spite of it all."
Robin decided not to push further. This was clearly a nice thing for Sophie, and why should she ruin it for her by asking questions Sophie might not want to answer. Sophie sighed and tossed her hair a little, clearly just to redistribute its weight, while Robin continued drinking.
"I love butterflies," Sophie said, "anything transformative is amazing. Proof that, no matter what, no matter how low you start out, you can always improve and become something so much more beautiful."
"Kinda like the ugly duckling, but, ya know...with insects," Robin said and Sophie chuckled.
"Kind of, I guess," she replied, "I just think it's neat, proves that the world isn't automatically static. That it's ever evolving, with or without your participation. That is just so exciting. Scary, but also exciting. Knowing there's always a new, different challenge coming down the road, like, so interesting and fun to look forward to. I hate change but I also embrace it. It's a weird combination."
Robin nodded, listening. Sophie seemed so smart, so deep and philosophical, and she would soon learn that the way Sophie presented herself was somewhat of a facade, because, well...much like people adapt to the future and to changes, Sophie herself had adapted to a life without her sister, and she'd done this primarily by taking her identity for her own. The way she saw it, if she could live on as her sister, then her sister wasn't really gone.
***
Sophie still went to the spot to watch the migration, but it wasn't the same.
By herself, or occasionally with her father, whatever the outing might consist of, it was never the same. Her sisters enthusiasm at the event was now replaced by stoic silence, and as much as Sophie herself loved the migration, she just couldn't muster up that same level of enthusiasm, regardless of whether her sister were there or not. It wasn't fair, she thought. She deserved to still be here, to still see this. Sophie knew butterflies were all about metamorphosis, and it was then that the idea hit her. Take all the best traits and aspects of her sister and apply them to herself.
The way she saw it, this decision had a twofold outcome. The first being that her sister would still, in some small way, continue to persist in the universe, albeit through the face of another person. The second, well...the second was that, maybe, just maybe, if Sophie were a little bit more like her sister, her parents would love her as much as they had her. Either way, it was a win/win situation, as far as she felt. But the thing is, and Sophie learned this rather quickly, the traits she might admire in her sister aren't necessarily the traits everyone else had seemed to admire in her sister. Meaning that, despite somewhat taking on her identity, her parents still saw her as Sophie. But she decided it was more important to do what was best for her than to attempt to win their favor. Maybe, one day, they would come around, and that would be a nice surprise, but until then, she was determined to keep her sister alive in any way she could.
So she continued coming to the yearly migration, and as such, she loved visiting The Hutch on the Zoo grounds whenever she could. And to sit here today, with a woman she felt safe with, well nothing could be closer to perfection. To witness beauty next to beauty...
...that was all she ever wanted.
***
Robin and Sophie were walking through the atrium, admiring the plants, the butterflies flittering about around them, the children running around and having a great time. Robin suddenly didn't feel like this was such a burden, actually, and she almost felt as though she'd miss doing it when this day was done. They stopped as Sophie knelt down and picked up a butterfly off the ground, holding its dead body in her open palm. Robin stopped and looked down at it as well.
"There's something about a dead butterfly that's super poetic," Sophie said, "but I have no idea what that might be. Someone smarter than me, I'm sure, could come up with something though."
"It has such beautiful wings," Robin said, reaching out and gently touching them with her fingertips.
"The colors are the best part," Sophie said, "it's what draws your eye to it. The orange and black. I always thought it was pretty. But humans are simple creatures, we see bright colors and we go all stupid."
Robin chuckled as she carefully scooped the butterfly from Sophie's palm into her own, and then, reaching out, pressed it to the side of her head, near her ear, pushing her hair back. Robin then, holding it there with one hand, pulled a bobby pin from her own hair and attached it to the butterfly, clipping it to Sophie's hair. Sophie stared ahead at Robin, her eyes wide. A few kids rushed by them, a chaperone right on their heels, but they barely seemed to notice. Robin smiled at Sophie, who reached out with one hand and placed it on Robin's cheek. Robin shut her eyes, her lips quivering at the soft touch of skin on skin, and she only opened her eyes because Sophie had leaned in and pressed her lips to hers. Robin stood there, in total shock, before putting her hands on Sophie's face and kissing her back.
And for the first time in her entire life...kissing someone actually made sense to Robin.
After they pulled apart, Sophie looked down at her shoes and quietly apologized, mumbling, making Robin laugh.
"Why are you apologizing?" Robin asked, "that...that's all I've wanted to do with you for, like, days now."
"Because it isn't bad enough to have a dead sister, or to be mentally challenged," Sophie said, taking Robin further by surprise with these vague admissions, as she added, "but to add this to the list of things my parents can hate me for...that's scary. But..."
Sophie looked up again, her and Robin's eyes locking, Robin smiling gently, cocking her head to the side like a curious puppy.
"...but you're so pretty," Sophie whispered, "something as pretty as butterflies can't be something someone can hate you for loving."
"Loving?" Robin asked, giggling.
"That...that was maybe...um," Sophie said, trying to backpeddle, but Robin just leaned in and kissed her again, her forehead resting on Sophie's.
"No, it was the right word," she whispered.
They stood there for what felt like an eternity, in The Hutch, with butterflies floating gently all around them, kissing carefully, and both finally feeling as if they belonged. All in all, Harvey had been right. This was a pretty nice gig.
***
"Do you ever get work crushes?" Robin asked, as Kyle plopped himself down on the couch and lifted his feet up on the coffee table, unmuting the TV before beginning to eat. He thought for a minute while he chewed, and then nodded.
"Yeah, there was this one stage hand on this commercial I did a few weeks ago, and she was stunning," Kyle said, "like, out of this world unearthly beautiful, you know? The kind of, like, ethereal angelic looks you only see in lingerie models."
"Okay, I'm ugly, rub it in," Robin said, both of them laughing.
"But," Kyle said, chewing, "while I'm capable of posessing the ability to appreciate beauty from afar in my periphery, there's a big difference between aesthetic attraction and genuine love, you know? Like, sure, she was hot, way hot, some would say smokin' hot, even-"
"Dude, I'm sitting right here," Robin replied.
"-but it's not the same attraction as I have for you," Kyle said, taking Robin by surprise as he rarely spoke openly about how he felt about what they had; he swallowed and continued, "like, there's a familiarity in knowing I get to come home to someone, you know? Someone who's not gonna judge me. Someone who's just happy to see me after a long day. That, to me, is actual attraction. I appreciate that far more than just some hot ass stage hand."
Robin nervously picked at her food, thinking about the kiss she and Sophie shared that afternoon.
"Besides," Kyle said, "acknowledging hotness is nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone does it. Doesn't mean you have intentions to act on it, you know? You're a good person, Robin, that's why I fell for you. Cause you're not the kind of person to hurt others. If anything, you go out of your way to do the opposite, and I know you'd never hurt me."
Robin nodded solemnly, finally spearing a piece of broccoli.
"...yeah," she said, lifting her fork to her lips, "I wouldn't."
Lying in bed that night after dinner, Kyle completely asleep and sawing logs beside her, Robin couldn't help but stare at the ceiling overhead and replay that kiss in her minds eye over and over and over again. Kyle had been a good partner, he'd been understanding and supportive and fun to be with, but...but something had always felt somewhat off about their relationship and Robin could never manage to place what it was until now. Now she knew. He wasn't a woman. She rolled onto her side, grabbed her phone from the bedside table and looked up Sophie's name in a search engine, leading her to a social media app for photos, which she instantly clicked through to. Soon her face was illuminated by the bright light of the phone, and she couldn't stop smiling. But Sophie had also made a valid point. This would be something she would be hated for, by Kyle, maybe even her parents. Was the act of loving another woman worth that much pain? Loss? Grief?
That was the question Robin needed to answer.
"This is an outrage, I've been gunning for The Hutch for so long," Harvey said as he drove Robin on over to the small hill that lead up to the building; he continued, "I just hope you enjoy doing it, it's one of the cushier gigs, all things considered."
"Definitely no danger involved, that's for damn sure," Robin said, opening the wrapper to her breakfast burrito and biting into it.
"Unless, somehow, the butterflies become introduced to a toxic radioactive waste and then grow ten times their size and start to destroy entire cities, but when has that ever happened except for that one time?" Harvey said, making Robin laugh. Harvey wasn't someone Robin got to spend a tremendous amount of time with, but she really did like him. He was calm, cool, collected, level-headed. She loved how ordinary and milquetoast he was in comparison to someone like Fletcher, for instance. As the cart came to a stop outside The Hutch, and Robin climbed out, tossing her wrapper in a nearby trash can, she turned and looked back at Harvey, who pushed his glasses up his face with his index finger.
"For what it's worth, you look good in the uniform, the colors really suit you," he said, and Robin smiled.
"Yeah, well, let's hope it's not permanent. I don't mind doing it a few times, but it isn't the area I want to be in," she replied, waving at him as she headed up the long and winding railed in pathway that led to the front doors. While doing so, she heard the sound of shoes coming up behind her and turned to see Sophie, then looked down at her shoes. She was wearing big clunky sneakers with velcro straps and a sweater that seemed about two sizes too large.
"What are you doing here?" Robin asked, and Sophie smiled, stuffing her hands in her large sweater front pocket.
"I heard you were doing The Hutch today, so I thought I'd come see and help," Sophie said.
"Wow, word travels fast," Robin mumbled.
Together the two girls approached the door, where the crowd of kids and their chaperones were, and Robin unlocked the door while Sophie stood by her side. She wouldn't tell anyone this, but there was another reason Sophie loved the Hutch, and that was because of her sister.
***
The migration of the monarchs was something Sophie loved doing every single year, and it was something she and her sister attended every time. From the time Sophie was about 5, her sister, Olivia (who was roughly 7 years older than her) always took her to the nearest spot by their house that managed to see the migration. It was always something Sophie looked forward to, because she loved the colors of the wings against the bright blue sky. The orange mixing with the whites of the clouds and the blue of the sky, it always made her feel as if there was actually magic in the world. But...
...as her sister got older, however, it became harder and harder to get up to that spot. First it was just the exhaustion that made the trek up the hill tire Olivia out. Then it became tougher when she had to drag the oxygen tank behind her. Before long, the trek was made with Sophie pushing Olivia in a wheelchair while she struggled to breath through her face mask. But every year they made the trek, and every year they were both so happy they did. Every year it was something they could do together.
Until the year they couldn't.
***
The nice thing about The Hutch, which Robin hadn't been aware of, was that it was very easy to present. The kids were instantly in awe of the inside, of the massive amount of butterflies, and honestly, most of her presenting was merely restating facts about monarchs, about their migration, about the building itself and its purpose. Didn't take long before the kids were off on their own, simply enjoying the space and the creatures there within. Robin sat on one of the benches placed throughout the exhibit, Sophie beside her, sitting cross-legged and looking up at the butterflies, smiling. Robin sipped from her coffee cup and glanced over. The way the light came through the tinted ceiling glass made Sophie's face appear so beautiful in a way she hadn't expected. Her short, curly blonde hair and her small hands peeking out the enormous cuffs of her oversized sweater. Robin felt her heart skip a beat.
"It's beautiful in here," Sophie mumbled.
"No argument here," Robin replied, lifting her coffee cup to her lips.
The thing was...Robin had never once had a crush on a girl. Well, that wasn't entirely true. She had like the older girl who had helped make her costume for a play in school, but she didn't know why at the time. In hindsight, now, it made a lot more sense. But other than that, she'd rarely ever felt anything for a girl, and that was weird, considering every boy she'd ever been with had felt awkward and wrong. But being with Sophie? That felt so normal. So ordinary. So...right.
"I used to go see the migrations with my sister," Sophie said, smiling.
"I didn't know you had a sister," Robin said.
"Had being the operative word," Sophie remarked, "but they're still nice memories, in spite of it all."
Robin decided not to push further. This was clearly a nice thing for Sophie, and why should she ruin it for her by asking questions Sophie might not want to answer. Sophie sighed and tossed her hair a little, clearly just to redistribute its weight, while Robin continued drinking.
"I love butterflies," Sophie said, "anything transformative is amazing. Proof that, no matter what, no matter how low you start out, you can always improve and become something so much more beautiful."
"Kinda like the ugly duckling, but, ya know...with insects," Robin said and Sophie chuckled.
"Kind of, I guess," she replied, "I just think it's neat, proves that the world isn't automatically static. That it's ever evolving, with or without your participation. That is just so exciting. Scary, but also exciting. Knowing there's always a new, different challenge coming down the road, like, so interesting and fun to look forward to. I hate change but I also embrace it. It's a weird combination."
Robin nodded, listening. Sophie seemed so smart, so deep and philosophical, and she would soon learn that the way Sophie presented herself was somewhat of a facade, because, well...much like people adapt to the future and to changes, Sophie herself had adapted to a life without her sister, and she'd done this primarily by taking her identity for her own. The way she saw it, if she could live on as her sister, then her sister wasn't really gone.
***
Sophie still went to the spot to watch the migration, but it wasn't the same.
By herself, or occasionally with her father, whatever the outing might consist of, it was never the same. Her sisters enthusiasm at the event was now replaced by stoic silence, and as much as Sophie herself loved the migration, she just couldn't muster up that same level of enthusiasm, regardless of whether her sister were there or not. It wasn't fair, she thought. She deserved to still be here, to still see this. Sophie knew butterflies were all about metamorphosis, and it was then that the idea hit her. Take all the best traits and aspects of her sister and apply them to herself.
The way she saw it, this decision had a twofold outcome. The first being that her sister would still, in some small way, continue to persist in the universe, albeit through the face of another person. The second, well...the second was that, maybe, just maybe, if Sophie were a little bit more like her sister, her parents would love her as much as they had her. Either way, it was a win/win situation, as far as she felt. But the thing is, and Sophie learned this rather quickly, the traits she might admire in her sister aren't necessarily the traits everyone else had seemed to admire in her sister. Meaning that, despite somewhat taking on her identity, her parents still saw her as Sophie. But she decided it was more important to do what was best for her than to attempt to win their favor. Maybe, one day, they would come around, and that would be a nice surprise, but until then, she was determined to keep her sister alive in any way she could.
So she continued coming to the yearly migration, and as such, she loved visiting The Hutch on the Zoo grounds whenever she could. And to sit here today, with a woman she felt safe with, well nothing could be closer to perfection. To witness beauty next to beauty...
...that was all she ever wanted.
***
Robin and Sophie were walking through the atrium, admiring the plants, the butterflies flittering about around them, the children running around and having a great time. Robin suddenly didn't feel like this was such a burden, actually, and she almost felt as though she'd miss doing it when this day was done. They stopped as Sophie knelt down and picked up a butterfly off the ground, holding its dead body in her open palm. Robin stopped and looked down at it as well.
"There's something about a dead butterfly that's super poetic," Sophie said, "but I have no idea what that might be. Someone smarter than me, I'm sure, could come up with something though."
"It has such beautiful wings," Robin said, reaching out and gently touching them with her fingertips.
"The colors are the best part," Sophie said, "it's what draws your eye to it. The orange and black. I always thought it was pretty. But humans are simple creatures, we see bright colors and we go all stupid."
Robin chuckled as she carefully scooped the butterfly from Sophie's palm into her own, and then, reaching out, pressed it to the side of her head, near her ear, pushing her hair back. Robin then, holding it there with one hand, pulled a bobby pin from her own hair and attached it to the butterfly, clipping it to Sophie's hair. Sophie stared ahead at Robin, her eyes wide. A few kids rushed by them, a chaperone right on their heels, but they barely seemed to notice. Robin smiled at Sophie, who reached out with one hand and placed it on Robin's cheek. Robin shut her eyes, her lips quivering at the soft touch of skin on skin, and she only opened her eyes because Sophie had leaned in and pressed her lips to hers. Robin stood there, in total shock, before putting her hands on Sophie's face and kissing her back.
And for the first time in her entire life...kissing someone actually made sense to Robin.
After they pulled apart, Sophie looked down at her shoes and quietly apologized, mumbling, making Robin laugh.
"Why are you apologizing?" Robin asked, "that...that's all I've wanted to do with you for, like, days now."
"Because it isn't bad enough to have a dead sister, or to be mentally challenged," Sophie said, taking Robin further by surprise with these vague admissions, as she added, "but to add this to the list of things my parents can hate me for...that's scary. But..."
Sophie looked up again, her and Robin's eyes locking, Robin smiling gently, cocking her head to the side like a curious puppy.
"...but you're so pretty," Sophie whispered, "something as pretty as butterflies can't be something someone can hate you for loving."
"Loving?" Robin asked, giggling.
"That...that was maybe...um," Sophie said, trying to backpeddle, but Robin just leaned in and kissed her again, her forehead resting on Sophie's.
"No, it was the right word," she whispered.
They stood there for what felt like an eternity, in The Hutch, with butterflies floating gently all around them, kissing carefully, and both finally feeling as if they belonged. All in all, Harvey had been right. This was a pretty nice gig.
***
"Do you ever get work crushes?" Robin asked, as Kyle plopped himself down on the couch and lifted his feet up on the coffee table, unmuting the TV before beginning to eat. He thought for a minute while he chewed, and then nodded.
"Yeah, there was this one stage hand on this commercial I did a few weeks ago, and she was stunning," Kyle said, "like, out of this world unearthly beautiful, you know? The kind of, like, ethereal angelic looks you only see in lingerie models."
"Okay, I'm ugly, rub it in," Robin said, both of them laughing.
"But," Kyle said, chewing, "while I'm capable of posessing the ability to appreciate beauty from afar in my periphery, there's a big difference between aesthetic attraction and genuine love, you know? Like, sure, she was hot, way hot, some would say smokin' hot, even-"
"Dude, I'm sitting right here," Robin replied.
"-but it's not the same attraction as I have for you," Kyle said, taking Robin by surprise as he rarely spoke openly about how he felt about what they had; he swallowed and continued, "like, there's a familiarity in knowing I get to come home to someone, you know? Someone who's not gonna judge me. Someone who's just happy to see me after a long day. That, to me, is actual attraction. I appreciate that far more than just some hot ass stage hand."
Robin nervously picked at her food, thinking about the kiss she and Sophie shared that afternoon.
"Besides," Kyle said, "acknowledging hotness is nothing to be ashamed about. Everyone does it. Doesn't mean you have intentions to act on it, you know? You're a good person, Robin, that's why I fell for you. Cause you're not the kind of person to hurt others. If anything, you go out of your way to do the opposite, and I know you'd never hurt me."
Robin nodded solemnly, finally spearing a piece of broccoli.
"...yeah," she said, lifting her fork to her lips, "I wouldn't."
Lying in bed that night after dinner, Kyle completely asleep and sawing logs beside her, Robin couldn't help but stare at the ceiling overhead and replay that kiss in her minds eye over and over and over again. Kyle had been a good partner, he'd been understanding and supportive and fun to be with, but...but something had always felt somewhat off about their relationship and Robin could never manage to place what it was until now. Now she knew. He wasn't a woman. She rolled onto her side, grabbed her phone from the bedside table and looked up Sophie's name in a search engine, leading her to a social media app for photos, which she instantly clicked through to. Soon her face was illuminated by the bright light of the phone, and she couldn't stop smiling. But Sophie had also made a valid point. This would be something she would be hated for, by Kyle, maybe even her parents. Was the act of loving another woman worth that much pain? Loss? Grief?
That was the question Robin needed to answer.