"I can remember," Hannah said, "being in like 2nd grade, and this girl in my class had a birthday party at her home, and it was princess themed because of course it was, we were 2nd grade girls after all, and my mom made me go even though we weren't really friends and I barely knew her. That was when I realized that it didn't matter what I wanted, my parents had societal expectations of me that I had to live up to for the good of our image. Course, it wasn't a total loss. That was also the first time I realize, after seeing her in her birthday princess dress, that I liked girls, so."
Laura laughed as she put her arms behind her head. The girls were laying on the sand of the beach, staring up at the sky. They were just in their regular clothes, not bathing suits, as people walked on by them.
"I guess it really was that easy," Hannah said, "you just don't know until the right person in the right outfit hits you."
"I only learned this last year," Laura said, "I never really had interest in anyone, I was always way too focused on doing well in school, so my social activities weren't exactly high on my list of priorities, but then this last year I joined a Chess club and there was ths girl in the club. She had this really long, dark wavy hair and these big grey eyes. She was...beautiful. From the first moment I saw her, I knew something was different, and when we first matched up to play, I couldn't look at the Chess board, only at her."
"That's cute," Hannah said.
"But it made me feel so...weird. So different. So I just kind of did my best to ignore it and pretend I still felt nothing for anyone. But the more I did, the harder it became to do so, and the more I started thinking about her. I would be sitting at my desk in my bedroom doing homework and I would just suddenly think about her, and how soft her skin must feel, or I'd be taking a shower and I'd think 'what would it be like to kiss her right now' and these thoughts scared me even more."
"Why?" Hannah asked.
"I don't even know. My parents aren't closed minded. They encourage me to read about the world, to embrace any and everyone of different races and religions and stuff, so it wasn't like they would be ashamed of me or something. I think I just...being different as a teenager is already a death sentence, and I guess I didn't wanna invite the firing squad."
"Well put," Hannah replied, "well, you're lucky. My parents are suspicious of me and I hate it because I know they have their heart on me meeting some boy and giving them some grandkids which is a lot of weird pressure to put on a fifteen year old, honestly. I haven't even planned what college I'm gonna go to and you're already expecting me to pick out baby names? Gimme a break."
There was a shared laugh between them, and then a long pause. A few seagulls flew overhead, and some more kids ran by, older teenagers and a few little kids. Laura cleared her throat and rolled her head, looking towards Hannah who did the same and smiled at her, making Laura blush. Laura reached out and took Hannah by the hand and squeezed.
"I guess one good thing about being a girl is that people expect you to be affectionate with your friends, which makes it easier to get away with being gay," Laura said, and Hannah laughed loudly.
***
Steven was walking down the hall, grumbling to himself. Gayle was taking care of Jasmine back in the room, still not really wanting to discuss the other night, or the implications thereof for the future, so Steven took it upon himself to just take his leave for a bit and take a walk. As he passed by a door in the hall, he heard the door shut behind him and turned to see Erin.
"Hey there champ," she said, "where you headed?"
"I have no idea," Steven said, shrugging, "just...anywhere, I guess. This vacation isn't turning out to be the relaxing time I had in mind."
"Well, I'm off for lunch in like ten minutes. You want some company?" Erin asked, and Steven hesitated, then nodded.
"Sure, why not. The more miserable people the merrier, I suppose," he said, following her as she pushed the luggage cart back to the elevator. They stopped in front of it and Erin pressed the button, waiting for it to arrive. She adjusted the hat on her head and crossed her arms, sighing.
"I'm sorry shit is going south for you," she said.
"You don't know the half of it," Steven said.
"I think I do, actually," Erin said, causing him to raise an eyebrow. The elevator arrived, the doors slid open and, after letting a few people off, Erin pushed the luggage cart inside, then entered herself, Steven right behind her. He pushed the button for the ground floor, and the elevator started going down; Erin pulled out some gum and put a few pieces in her mouth, saying, "I know I look like I'm cool as shit, and have everything together despite my age, but...man...I've seen this happen. Families fall apart. Cause it happened to mine."
Steven leaned against the elevator wall and listened.
"People who think they want something, do everything they can to get that something, and then realize a few years down the line that, hey, this isn't actually at all what I wanted and now everyone else has to live with the rubble," Erin said, sitting on the luggage cart, "all in all, I can't blame anyone for it. People change, interests change, whatever, but...that doesn't mean the aftermath doesn't hurt, you know?"
Steven nodded as they hit the ground floor. Erin sat cross legged on the luggage cart while Steven began to push it out the doors and down the hall towards the main foyer.
"It's ridiculous to expect someone to be the same way forever, want the same things forever, because sure, there's people like that, but they're not the majority, and people change and grow. So I might try not to hold anyone directly accountable, but that doesn't mean I didn't get hurt in the crossfire. And that's only for their actions towards themselves or one another, that doesn't forgive the way they treated me."
"Your parents not good to you?" Steven asked, as Erin sniffled, wiping her eyes on her sleeve.
"Let's just say that, when it comes to seeing how good you two are to your children, it makes me a little jealous," she replied.
Steven had no idea Erin felt this bad. He figured she had been through something, after all she was very young and already working here, living on her own (well, with roommates, but not family), and overall he figured she had some sort of sad history, but he was not at all prepared for the things he'd come to learn that afternoon.
***
"I have a cousin, Effie, she was completely cut off after admitting she like anyone regardless of gender," Hannah said, "and my parents seemed a little mad at my aunt about it, but...at the same time, they also seemed like they understood why she chose to do it. Cut Effie off, I mean. Like they were weirdly supportive while being somewhat distant. I don't know how to explain it. All I know is that, watching that happen...it made me terrified to ever be open about who I am with them."
Laura nodded, listening, looking up at the clouds overhead.
"But with you, it feels...not scary? Worth it? I don't know," Hannah continued, "with you it feels normal. Not that it isn't, ugh, I don't know how to put it, but I'm sure you know what I mean. It feels like if they found out, it would still be worth whatever the result would be, because knowing you is...is enough. Knowing you is worth that. Worth whatever their response is."
Laura blushed and looked away, smiling stupidly. All her life, she'd loved the idea of romance, of being whisked away by someone who understood her, accepted her, without question or judgement, someone who just loved her for existing in the way that she did. She never expected she'd actually find it, much less find it on vacation as a teenager, but here she was, smack dab in the middle of her very own romcom, and she couldn't be happier. All those doubts, those little nagging fears that she once held so closely to her heart about who she was and what she deserved, they'd melted in an instant, and all because Hannah had the capacity to do exactly what she wanted someone to...just like her. That's it. That simple, really.
"Yeah, well, my parents aren't exactly great either," Laura finally said, "I mean, they're good parents, they love my sister and me, and I think even if they knew, they would, but...at the same time, they aren't good for eachother. I think that's my biggest fear for the future, right? Like I get through high school, and I get through college, and I meet someone and then I spend the next fifteen years unhappy all because I made a mistake to love someone when I was 20."
"I'm not that mistake, right?" Hannah asked quietly, as Laura pulled her hand close to her and kissed it.
"I'm not twenty, so no," Laura said, grinning, making Hannah giggle.
"Let's make a deal," Hannah said, "let's say that, in ten years, we meet up here again, and see what happens, yeah?"
Laura nodded, whispering, "I like the sound of that."
And she did. She didn't know what ten years from now would be like, she'd be 25 and she had no real concept of what her future might look like right now, but...the idea that she had something to look forward to, someone who was interested in waiting that long, that gave her so much hope and right now Laura Walton needed hope, as did her father.
***
"You're jealous?" Steve asked, "really? Oh how good Gayle and I are? Cause that's...that's sad, cause we're not very good parents, and if we aren't very good, then boy the bar for you must be low. Your folks must've been terrible."
Steven and Erin had found their way to the indoor hotel restaurant, and seated themselves in the very back corner, despite it being relatively empty at the moment. Erin put out her cigarette in the ashtray on the table, then pushed some hair back behind her ear and grimaced. Steven wasn't sure what she was about to say, maybe tell him, but he wasn't ready for it, and he'd know that the moment she started speaking.
"My dad," Erin said, "um...when I was about 17, my dad found me and a friend in the garage one weekend. He was supposed to be at work, but he got fired and so he came home early, and my mom wasn't home, she was at work, and uh...he pulls into the driveway and he opens the garage door and we didn't even hear it cause we had music on, and there I am."
Steven waited as she paused, clearly trying not to break down.
"...on the pull out couch that he sometimes slept on when they were fighting, with my legs wrapped around another girls head," Erin said, "and I craned my neck back to see what the noise was, and fucking hell that's...that's the last sight of him I really have, because after that we bolted, I mean we took off. We had to move quickly, and seeing as he was still somewhat in the car, he was encumbered and so we had a little bit of leeway, and we just...took off. And I couldn't stay with her, her folks were hyper religious, and so instead she gave me a lot of money that she had from various birthdays and holidays and stuff, and that allowed me to get out of town."
"You were seventeen, you were...you were nearly an adult," Steven said.
"Yeah. Didn't matter. Didn't see either mom or dad again. I don't even know what he might've told her, but I'm sure she wouldn't have backed me up, because she never did. See they used to have this, uh...this theory that I was, ya know, and...and my dad was so fucking against it that from the time I was....13 maybe....he would..."
She paused and put her hands over her face, breathing into them. Steven reached across the table and touched her arm.
"Hey, you're okay, it's alright, you don't have to say it, I think I get it," he said quietly.
"Yeah, okay," Erin replied, "yeah. For years. Said he was doing it to get the gay out of me. And my mom just let it happen. She didn't like it, but she was too scared of him to stand up for me. So I can only imagine his reaction when he opens the fucking garage door and sees me getting head from another girl, like, all that effort and for what, right? Hah. That was kinda rewarding, actually, in some warped sense."
Steven smirked, nodding. Erin lit up another cigarette and took a long drag.
"So yeah, when I tell you that seeing the way you two are, as parents, makes me jealous...I don't say it without reason," Erin said, looking up, her eyes locking with Steven, her lip trembling, "because I didn't ask for this. I didn't ask to be like this. I can't help it. But I shouldn't be abused for it either, especially not by the very people who are supposed to love and protect me more than anyone else in the world."
Erin had tears rolling down her face as she looked down at the table.
"...it's one thing if they hated me for something I did," she continued, "you know, some grandiose mistake I can't take back, wrecking the car or killing a family member or something, something justifiable for hatred, but to hate me for this...after what he did to me for years...that isn't fair. I just wanted my dad to love me. That was all I ever wanted but nothing I ever did was good enough for him. Nothing. He was calling me slurs as early as fourth grade, regardless of the truth. Contextualization meant shit to him. Frankly, he probably just hates women in general, but...I just wanted him to love me."
And she couldn't hold it anymore. She laid her head on the table and started crying. Steven pulled his chair around to her side and gently pulled her head into his chest, stroking her hair, letting her weep against him.
"I'm so sorry," he said, "I'm so...fuck I'm so sorry. You're okay now. You're safe now."
And she was, Erin knew that. She was, in fact, safe now. The women she lived with didn't care about her sexuality, some of them were queer themselves, but the fact remained that no matter what kind of future she made for herself, her past was always right there to remind her of what she didn't get. Steven didn't want to rob his own children of that, and, as his thoughts turned to his wife, and that woman in the bedroom, that very same sight, he suddenly realized his anger wasn't directed at her at all, but instead himself, for not seeing it all sooner. He knew. He knew Gayle had always been curious. But he didn't realize how interested she might be, and...and if what it took for her to be happy, and his children to feel comfortable in themselves, was for them to not be a family anymore...
...that was a sacrifice he was willing to make for them.
***
The air was getting cooler, less and less people were on the beach, the stars were starting to come out, but Laura couldn't think of anywhere else she'd rather be than right where they were. She felt Hannah squeeze her. Hannah had rolled onto her side and laid her head on Laura's chest, letting Laura pet her, as they laid on the sand together.
"I didn't even wanna come," Laura finally said, "not to this, today, I mean, on vacation in general. I was planning on staying in my bedroom and studying and reading and...and just hiding."
"Well isn't it good your folks make you do things sometimes then," Hannah muttered, sounding half asleep.
"I suppose," Laura said, "yeah, it is. You really mean that, about what you said, about meeting in ten years?"
"Mhm," Hannah mumbled, nodding gently, "I did."
Ten years. Who would she even be then? Would she still be the same girl Hannah liked right now, or would she be so drastically different that Hannah couldn't stand her? Or vice versa, would Hannah be the same or different? But the thing Laura realized in that moment was that it didn't matter if they grew or changed, they were supposed to do that, and instead of being scared of who Hannah might be in ten years, Laura suddenly felt excited at getting to know the person Hannah might be in ten years. She leaned her head down and kissed the top of Hannah's head, making her smile.
"I really....I really like you," Laura whispered.
"I know," Hannah said, making Laura laugh as she added, with a yawn, "I really like you too."
The waves broke quietly on the shore, and a few birds dropped down to search the sands for shellfish of some variety. The streetlamps that ran alongside the upper edge of the beach all began to turn on, dousing them in soft, yellow light, and Laura felt like this was the only place, the only time, the only person in the world that mattered right now.
"Do you wanna be my girlfriend?" Laura asked.
"Aren't I already?" Hannah remarked, making Laura laugh again.
"I guess you are," she said, kissing the top of her head once more, "Yeah, I guess you are."
***
Gayle heard the sliding glass balcony door open and close, turning to see Steven standing there. He looked like hell. She offered him part of her drink, but he refused. Instead, he sat down on one of the deck chairs and looked at her with the most intensity she'd seen in his eyes in years.
"You okay?" Gayle finally asked.
"I won't stop you," Steven said, "if you...if you wanna pursue someone else, or something else."
"I don't, Steven, I don't, really. I'm just stressed and I'd never acted on it before then and it was...it was nice, I won't deny it, but I married you for more reasons than you may think, and I'm willing to work on our problems, specifically my problems. But I wouldn't be against us, maybe...doing things with others, sometimes?"
Steven smiled, and stood up.
"I just want my family to be happy," he said, leaning in and kissing his wife. And while they shared this moment, hoping to work towards a better future for both themselves and their children, and while their daughter, unknowingly to them, shared a moment down on the sands somewhere with another girl, hoping for the best romance she could ever imagine, Erin was instead back in her apartment, back in her bedroom, counting all the pills she could fit in her fist and then taking them with whatever liquid she had still lying around before laying down on her bed and watching the ceiling spin. Because sometimes people don't get happy endings. Sometimes people get broken by those around them, and instead, decide to end the story early. Erin didn't want a to be continued or a next time on.
She just wanted a period.