Ella couldn't sleep.
She had rolled over time and time again, hearing Gilly snore softly under her bunk. Ella leaned over the bunk and looked at Gilly, who was asleep with a bag of chips on her chest, and her sleep mask covering her eyes.
"Pssst," Ella whispered, "Gilly? Are you up?"
No response except she mumbled and rolled over, then hugged the bag of chips like a teddy bear. Ella laughed to herself at this sight, and then noticed the tapping sound. She looked around, unsure of where it was coming from. She heard it again.
*tap! tap tap!*
Finally her eyes caught sight of a hand with salmon colored nails tapping at the cabin window. After a few seconds, Rachel's face peered in through the window, and when their eyes locked, Rachel smiled and waved, then made a "come here" gesture with her hand before disappearing again. Ella slowly crawled out of bed, and landed softly next to Gilly's bunk, waking her for a split second. As Gilly's eyes fluttered open, her breath barely a whisper, she asked Ella what was going on, and Ella told her she was going to pee and to go back to sleep. With that, Gilly rolled back over and went back to sleep, as Ella headed to the door. Once outside, she heard the bush beside her rustle, and saw Rachel coming out in black, high waisted shorts and a tank top.
"What're you doing?" Ella asked, "It's really late. If you get caught out here-"
"Come with me, I wanna do something," Rachel said, grinning.
"...what...do you want to-"
"Just come with me, it'll be cool, I promise!" Rachel said, taking Ella by the hand and pulling her away from the cabin. As Ella followed Rachel through the nearby woods and down a path, she could hear the sound of water flowing, and once they broke through the clearing, she could see it was coming from a small waterfall in a hidden lake. The trees overhead acted as a wonderful canopy, and they could hear crickets singing all around them.
"How did you find this?" Ella asked.
"I was with a few other girls from Turtle Cabin and one of the older ones showed it to me, she said a camp counselor showed it to her and her friends a few years back," Rachel said, "Isn't it beautiful? Come on."
Rachel approached the water and stepped into it, shaking a bit at first as it was clearly colder than she'd expected, before finally submerging her entire body in it. She looked back at Ella, standing by a tree stump, still in her pajamas. Rachel waved at her, trying to get her to come in, but Ella merely clung at her pajama top even tighter, unsure of what to do in this situation. After a few minutes of watching Rachel swim, Ella approached the water a bit more and stuck her right foot in.
"Come on!" Rachel said, "It's nice!"
"Is it really cold? It feels really cold," Ella said and Rachel shrugged.
"I mean, at first, but you get used to it," she replied. Ella waited a few more moments, and then took her pajamas off and, just in her underwear, walked slowly into the lake. It was freezing, but it was also refreshing, and she felt like she was feeling water for the first time. Ella put her hair up in a bun and looked around.
"Why did you bring me here?" Ella asked.
"Because you're like your fish, you wanna make friends, but you're stuck in a tiny little suitcase," Rachel said, "So I'm making it easier for you. Besides, anytime I try and talk to you in a group, those other two always make sure there's drama."
"Yeah, Amie's...I don't know," Ella said, "I mean, from what she's told me, she has every right to be angry, but I don't think she realizes she's not the only one who feels like that. Gilly feels just as bad about her home life. I think it's because they're too similar, they can't see how much they actually have in common."
"Probably," Rachel said, "But you're spending all your time at camp making sure they don't fight instead of having fun for yourself."
"I have plenty of fun!" Ella said, just as Rachel filled her mouth up with lake water and spit it at her, making her squeal and cover her face. With that, Ella started splashing at Rachel, the both of them laughing and playing. Ella thought back to all the times she'd gone to the beach. She used to enjoy it, she loved the sand and the water, all the birds, but these days...the last few times had been so awkward and she felt so uncomfortable in her skin, around all those people.
"Camp is the first time I've been in the water in a while," Ella said after the splash fight stopped, the two of them now just wading, treading water.
"Really? I try and go swimming at least once a week," Rachel said.
"I used to like going to the beach, but I don't know, as I've gotten older, I feel like people are judging me, you know? Like, they stare me up and down and I feel so weird, and unwelcome. It makes me hate how I look."
"Welcome to the wonderful world of puberty," Rachel said, "I know that when I got my period over a year ago, that's exactly what my mom told me. They are judging us, Ella, because society expects girls, even girls as young as us, to look a certain way. We're the latest model, Girl 2.0, with faster downloads from the internet."
Ella smirked, scratching her forehead, "I just mean...I wish it didn't make me feel so uncomfortable in my own body. I should be able to go swimming without-"
"Yeah, I know. But guess what, you can't. You can't go swimming, you can't wear any outfit, eat certain foods, without being judged, leered at, commented on. You're a walking art installation," Rachel said, "And it sucks."
"...I don't want to get older," Ella whispered.
"Well, hey, it's not all bad," Rachel said, swimming closer, "I mean, there's some good things about growing up that I've discovered. People take you more seriously, and treat you with a little more respect...at least my parents do. Also, I can't wait to go to college and have, like, a career doing what I love. That's pretty exciting."
"I guess..." Ella said, "I don't know. I don't like change, really, and growing up is nothing but change. Plus I..."
Rachel cocked her head to the side, seeming interested, so Ella went on.
"I don't know, I've been having these dreams. I talked with Gilly about it a few nights ago, but like..." Ella stopped, unable to find the courage to go on before she caught the moonlight breaking through the overhead canopy and slicing across Rachels face, lighting up her eyes. Ella continued, "I really...in my dream, I'm often like...seeing this girl, and she's really pretty, and she kisses me and then I wake up."
"I had those," Rachel said, taking Ella by surprise, "I only had it about three times, and mine were a bit different, it was this girl in my homeroom class, but it always ended like that. With us kissing. I invited her to dance with me last year at the end of the year dance, but she didn't really...I don't know, she just said no and sort of walked away."
Rachel glanced away and wiped her nose, before going on.
"But I mean, it's not like I was too heartbroken, I barely even knew her. Besides, there's lots of cute guys at my school too, so it's not like I didn't have someone to dance with," Rachel said, smiling again.
"Well, I'm glad you have a workaround," Ella said sternly.
"Hey hey, whoa, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset," Rachel said, "I'm just sharing!"
"I know, I'm sorry. I'm glad you were still able to have a nice time," Ella said, "But for me, I have never really thought any guy was cute. That's why I spend most of my time indoors these days, just hanging out with Gordon, because...it's like, all the girls I know wanna do now. We used to do things together and now they just wanna watch guys play sports or go to the mall and look for boys, and I..."
"You don't?"
"I...don't...like boys," Ella said, the words finally making sense to her brain as they left her lips, "Oh. I don't like boys."
Rachel swam closer, smiling at her.
"There's nothing wrong with that," Rachel said, "This isn't like when our grandparents were growing up. It's so much more accepted today, to like the same gender, and you're not alone cause you know I do too."
Ella looked at Rachel again, swam closer to her and, bobbing up and down gently in the water together, she reached out and put her hands on Rachel's shoulders. Ella could feel her heartbeat thudding, her breath shortening, and she leaned closer, shutting her eyes, pressing her lips against Rachel's lips. They kissed for what felt like minutes, but was likely only seconds, and when it ended, Ella couldn't bring herself to look at her again.
"What's wrong?" Rachel asked.
"I don't feel like I'm cool enough or something," Ella said, "I don't know."
"You're totally fine, Ella," Rachel said, giggling, "And you're not alone. We're all here together."
Ella blushed, and the two of them spent the remaining time sitting on the shore of the lake, talking about school, the first time Rachel accepted her feelings for girls and how Ella could accept herself better. After it finished and her hair was dryer, Ella put her pajamas back on, and Rachel took her back to her cabin. Before heading inside for the night, Rachel gave her a quick peck on the cheek, making her blush deeper, and then headed to her own cabin. Ella started to climb back up to her bunk, but stopped and looked at Gilly, realizing that something was different when she'd kissed Gilly than kissing Rachel tonight. Ella tapped Gilly on the shoulder, and one of her eyes slowly lifted open.
"What?" Gilly asked groggily, before burping.
"I'm glad you're here," Ella said, smiling, and Gilly smiled back.
"I'm glad I'm here too," Gilly replied, "Otherwise I don't know where I would be and that would be so scary, right? Not knowing where you are? How would you find yourself?"
Ella laughed and pushed Gilly on the shoulder, telling her to go back to sleep. With that, she got into her top bunk, settled in and went to sleep.
She didn't have the dream that night.
She had rolled over time and time again, hearing Gilly snore softly under her bunk. Ella leaned over the bunk and looked at Gilly, who was asleep with a bag of chips on her chest, and her sleep mask covering her eyes.
"Pssst," Ella whispered, "Gilly? Are you up?"
No response except she mumbled and rolled over, then hugged the bag of chips like a teddy bear. Ella laughed to herself at this sight, and then noticed the tapping sound. She looked around, unsure of where it was coming from. She heard it again.
*tap! tap tap!*
Finally her eyes caught sight of a hand with salmon colored nails tapping at the cabin window. After a few seconds, Rachel's face peered in through the window, and when their eyes locked, Rachel smiled and waved, then made a "come here" gesture with her hand before disappearing again. Ella slowly crawled out of bed, and landed softly next to Gilly's bunk, waking her for a split second. As Gilly's eyes fluttered open, her breath barely a whisper, she asked Ella what was going on, and Ella told her she was going to pee and to go back to sleep. With that, Gilly rolled back over and went back to sleep, as Ella headed to the door. Once outside, she heard the bush beside her rustle, and saw Rachel coming out in black, high waisted shorts and a tank top.
"What're you doing?" Ella asked, "It's really late. If you get caught out here-"
"Come with me, I wanna do something," Rachel said, grinning.
"...what...do you want to-"
"Just come with me, it'll be cool, I promise!" Rachel said, taking Ella by the hand and pulling her away from the cabin. As Ella followed Rachel through the nearby woods and down a path, she could hear the sound of water flowing, and once they broke through the clearing, she could see it was coming from a small waterfall in a hidden lake. The trees overhead acted as a wonderful canopy, and they could hear crickets singing all around them.
"How did you find this?" Ella asked.
"I was with a few other girls from Turtle Cabin and one of the older ones showed it to me, she said a camp counselor showed it to her and her friends a few years back," Rachel said, "Isn't it beautiful? Come on."
Rachel approached the water and stepped into it, shaking a bit at first as it was clearly colder than she'd expected, before finally submerging her entire body in it. She looked back at Ella, standing by a tree stump, still in her pajamas. Rachel waved at her, trying to get her to come in, but Ella merely clung at her pajama top even tighter, unsure of what to do in this situation. After a few minutes of watching Rachel swim, Ella approached the water a bit more and stuck her right foot in.
"Come on!" Rachel said, "It's nice!"
"Is it really cold? It feels really cold," Ella said and Rachel shrugged.
"I mean, at first, but you get used to it," she replied. Ella waited a few more moments, and then took her pajamas off and, just in her underwear, walked slowly into the lake. It was freezing, but it was also refreshing, and she felt like she was feeling water for the first time. Ella put her hair up in a bun and looked around.
"Why did you bring me here?" Ella asked.
"Because you're like your fish, you wanna make friends, but you're stuck in a tiny little suitcase," Rachel said, "So I'm making it easier for you. Besides, anytime I try and talk to you in a group, those other two always make sure there's drama."
"Yeah, Amie's...I don't know," Ella said, "I mean, from what she's told me, she has every right to be angry, but I don't think she realizes she's not the only one who feels like that. Gilly feels just as bad about her home life. I think it's because they're too similar, they can't see how much they actually have in common."
"Probably," Rachel said, "But you're spending all your time at camp making sure they don't fight instead of having fun for yourself."
"I have plenty of fun!" Ella said, just as Rachel filled her mouth up with lake water and spit it at her, making her squeal and cover her face. With that, Ella started splashing at Rachel, the both of them laughing and playing. Ella thought back to all the times she'd gone to the beach. She used to enjoy it, she loved the sand and the water, all the birds, but these days...the last few times had been so awkward and she felt so uncomfortable in her skin, around all those people.
"Camp is the first time I've been in the water in a while," Ella said after the splash fight stopped, the two of them now just wading, treading water.
"Really? I try and go swimming at least once a week," Rachel said.
"I used to like going to the beach, but I don't know, as I've gotten older, I feel like people are judging me, you know? Like, they stare me up and down and I feel so weird, and unwelcome. It makes me hate how I look."
"Welcome to the wonderful world of puberty," Rachel said, "I know that when I got my period over a year ago, that's exactly what my mom told me. They are judging us, Ella, because society expects girls, even girls as young as us, to look a certain way. We're the latest model, Girl 2.0, with faster downloads from the internet."
Ella smirked, scratching her forehead, "I just mean...I wish it didn't make me feel so uncomfortable in my own body. I should be able to go swimming without-"
"Yeah, I know. But guess what, you can't. You can't go swimming, you can't wear any outfit, eat certain foods, without being judged, leered at, commented on. You're a walking art installation," Rachel said, "And it sucks."
"...I don't want to get older," Ella whispered.
"Well, hey, it's not all bad," Rachel said, swimming closer, "I mean, there's some good things about growing up that I've discovered. People take you more seriously, and treat you with a little more respect...at least my parents do. Also, I can't wait to go to college and have, like, a career doing what I love. That's pretty exciting."
"I guess..." Ella said, "I don't know. I don't like change, really, and growing up is nothing but change. Plus I..."
Rachel cocked her head to the side, seeming interested, so Ella went on.
"I don't know, I've been having these dreams. I talked with Gilly about it a few nights ago, but like..." Ella stopped, unable to find the courage to go on before she caught the moonlight breaking through the overhead canopy and slicing across Rachels face, lighting up her eyes. Ella continued, "I really...in my dream, I'm often like...seeing this girl, and she's really pretty, and she kisses me and then I wake up."
"I had those," Rachel said, taking Ella by surprise, "I only had it about three times, and mine were a bit different, it was this girl in my homeroom class, but it always ended like that. With us kissing. I invited her to dance with me last year at the end of the year dance, but she didn't really...I don't know, she just said no and sort of walked away."
Rachel glanced away and wiped her nose, before going on.
"But I mean, it's not like I was too heartbroken, I barely even knew her. Besides, there's lots of cute guys at my school too, so it's not like I didn't have someone to dance with," Rachel said, smiling again.
"Well, I'm glad you have a workaround," Ella said sternly.
"Hey hey, whoa, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset," Rachel said, "I'm just sharing!"
"I know, I'm sorry. I'm glad you were still able to have a nice time," Ella said, "But for me, I have never really thought any guy was cute. That's why I spend most of my time indoors these days, just hanging out with Gordon, because...it's like, all the girls I know wanna do now. We used to do things together and now they just wanna watch guys play sports or go to the mall and look for boys, and I..."
"You don't?"
"I...don't...like boys," Ella said, the words finally making sense to her brain as they left her lips, "Oh. I don't like boys."
Rachel swam closer, smiling at her.
"There's nothing wrong with that," Rachel said, "This isn't like when our grandparents were growing up. It's so much more accepted today, to like the same gender, and you're not alone cause you know I do too."
Ella looked at Rachel again, swam closer to her and, bobbing up and down gently in the water together, she reached out and put her hands on Rachel's shoulders. Ella could feel her heartbeat thudding, her breath shortening, and she leaned closer, shutting her eyes, pressing her lips against Rachel's lips. They kissed for what felt like minutes, but was likely only seconds, and when it ended, Ella couldn't bring herself to look at her again.
"What's wrong?" Rachel asked.
"I don't feel like I'm cool enough or something," Ella said, "I don't know."
"You're totally fine, Ella," Rachel said, giggling, "And you're not alone. We're all here together."
Ella blushed, and the two of them spent the remaining time sitting on the shore of the lake, talking about school, the first time Rachel accepted her feelings for girls and how Ella could accept herself better. After it finished and her hair was dryer, Ella put her pajamas back on, and Rachel took her back to her cabin. Before heading inside for the night, Rachel gave her a quick peck on the cheek, making her blush deeper, and then headed to her own cabin. Ella started to climb back up to her bunk, but stopped and looked at Gilly, realizing that something was different when she'd kissed Gilly than kissing Rachel tonight. Ella tapped Gilly on the shoulder, and one of her eyes slowly lifted open.
"What?" Gilly asked groggily, before burping.
"I'm glad you're here," Ella said, smiling, and Gilly smiled back.
"I'm glad I'm here too," Gilly replied, "Otherwise I don't know where I would be and that would be so scary, right? Not knowing where you are? How would you find yourself?"
Ella laughed and pushed Gilly on the shoulder, telling her to go back to sleep. With that, she got into her top bunk, settled in and went to sleep.
She didn't have the dream that night.