"We are not leaving this room until you two hash things out, because this has got to stop," Tyler said.

Tyler had dragged Vera down to Alexis's, and then stood himself in front of the door with it locked. He was determined to get their problems co-existing under control, because, quite frankly, Stinko was right. Things had gotten out of hand and it was beginning to affect those around them. Vera was seated on a little stool, while Alexis was on the couch, fidgeting with her fake nails. Neither one had said nary a word since they'd been put in this tiny space together, and Tyler didn't see that changing for a while. But god dammit, he was determined. He'd stand here all night if he had to. Someone had to get Vera to cool her jets, and he figured that that someone was most likely to be him.

"Well," he said, sighing, "I'll start then, if neither of you are interested enough to do so. I'll be the adult for once and take the first step. Vera, why are you so adamantly against Alexis in almost every conceivable way one could be? What, really, has she done to hurt you? She hasn't damaged the companies reputation. She gets her work done, the kids love her, and that's all that matters. There's been virtually no complaints, save one overprotective mother who was more likely just a bitch than someone with an actual legitimate concern, so where do your issues with her lie?"

Vera shook her head and looked at her feet. Tyler sighed and scratched the back of his head, beginning to pace around the room. Alexis leaned back on the couch and crossed her legs.

"Okay, let's try it this way then...Alexis, why do you think Vera hates you?" Tyler asked.

"I could easily give you ten reasons right now," Alexis said, "but the biggest issue isn't why she hates me, but why she hates this particular version of me. When I was sober for a little while, she loved me. She was thrilled for me. She kept recommending me. But as soon as I do anything remotely associated with making myself feel anything at all again, she has the audacity to treat me like less than a person. So what do you have against what I do, Vera? That's the question."

Vera chewed her lip and thought about responding. She knew if she opened up about this, it would open up more about herself. Things about herself she wasn't sure she was ready to face, let alone have others know. Was it finally time to talk about these? Maybe, she thought, if it could help save her friend, it would be.

                                                                             ***

"Dad's getting worse," Maddie said, sitting in Lilian's car outside the diner, parked in the parking lot.

"Yeah but is his getting worse proven by efforts of your mother to make him do so?" Lilian asked, "that's the real question here, because we've been over this before. You and John have been over this even. Could be delirium, could be them trying to turn you against one another. Could be a million things. Do you think you have any proof she's doing anything?"

"No, and that's what sucks," Maddie said, slumping in the passenger seat, "if she is in fact doing something, she's doing it really well. And what if she is, but I can't prove it, and he dies and then I go the rest of my life being unsure whether he died cause of mom or not. What then?"

Lilian sighed and shook her head.

"I...I really don't know, honey," she replied quietly, "I wish I could tell you what to do, what the right answer would be, but I can't. I just don't know enough to make a guess. Do you have any reason to think your dad might be lying to you? Has he ever lied to you before? And has your mom?"

"Dad never lied to me," Maddie said, "...mom, though...mom's made a bunch of promises she's never kept. She's lied to me about a lot of things. Promising she'd take me somewhere, help me do something...do you think that's indicative of a possible secret?"

"That's a big word for a kid your size," Lilian said, smirking, "but it could be. I think you need to talk to your dad. I think you need to just sit down with him when she's not home, and just get any kind of answer out of him that you can. He's the only one who's going to be able to give you a concrete kind of proof."

"And what do I do if it's true?" Maddie asked.

A moment passed. Neither one spoke.

"...we'll figure it out," Lilian said, patting Maddie on the shoulder, "We always do."

                                                                           ***

Where to start?

Well, Vera thought, perhaps she could begin with her brother. How her brother had met a girl who, like Alexis, enjoyed using drugs fairly liberally and rather casually to increase the pleasure of life, and how she got her brother into it too. She could talk about how her brother became more addicted to the girl, who - after surviving a frightening period of near death - got her life together, quit doing her extracurriculars and then failed to help Vera's brother. She could talk about how her brother continued on this downward slump until the girl decided it was too dangerous for her to continue being around him, even in a helpful manner, because she could potentially fall back into it herself. She could talk about finding her brother dead on the couch. She could talk about how her parents had never gotten over their grief. But what good would it do? Alexis didn't have family. She'd never lost anyone to this sort of thing. The empathy that may come from such an admission would be, if nothing more, than base pity instead of recognizable recognition. She had to do it in a way that made Alexis feel important, not ancillary. Vera took a deep breath, and finally spoke.

"I'm scared you might die," Vera said, "I'm afraid that, one day, you'll be found here, in this room, OD'd, and they won't be able to save you. You're an extremely funny, talented, ambitious young lady and I'd hate to see that kind of shining light taken by something that you should have control over, not the other way around."

"Young lady? We're like the same age," Alexis said, chuckling.

"I don't hate you," Vera said, "I really don't, and I'm so sorry if I ever said I did or you ever got that impression from me, because it is so not the case. If anything, I care about you more than anyone else in this company. That's why I'm so bitchy, cause I'm so scared of something happening to you."

"I'm safe," Alexis mumbled, "I'm safe about what I do. It's recreational. I know what it is I'm doing."

"That may be so, but it doesn't mean it's not dangerous," Vera said, "you have to recognize that, even with knowing what you do, even with doing it fairly safely, it'll never BE 'safe'. You'll always be at risk of something going wrong."

Alexis leaned back into her couch, reaching up and running her hands through her hair as she chewed on her lip. Her eyes went from Vera to Tyler, who nodded at her, smiling, before heading back down to Vera. Vera, it felt, was finally being honest with her, and now Alexis didn't know how to respond. How does one act when a relationship that is nothing but combative suddenly becomes anything else? She just didn't know. She didn't know how to be friends with someone who so clearly, to this point, acted like she didn't want to be friends with her.

"I appreciate your honesty, and I appreciate you worrying about me," Alexis said, sitting upright now, "but, and I say this with the upmost confidence in myself - something I rarely have - that what I do I do safely, and I would never do it on the job. I am a user, not an addict. There is a distinct difference between those two things."

Vera nodded, listening.

"...I don't have a lot," Alexis said, motioning with her hands around her apartment, "but what I DO have is the ability to, for even just an hour or two, escape my sad sorry reality and feel sorta normal. It's nice. I'll never be better than this, and I've accepted that, so I take my little joys where I can find them. This is where I've found them. I'm sorry if that makes others uncomfortable, but it's the only thing that makes me comfortable. I'm glad you don't hate me though. That is nice to know."

Vera smiled, and Alexis smiled back. Tyler sighed, feeling relieved for the first time in months. If nothing else, they could perhaps walk away from today with the knowledge that they aren't enemies, even if they aren't friends. For Tyler, that was more than enough progress from one meeting.

                                                                                  ***

Maddie crept into her parents bedroom and flicked the bedside lamp on. She climbed up onto the bed and sat beside her father, who was breathing weakly. He opened his eyes and looked up at her, his chest rising and falling slowly, his eyes so empty of color. Maddie bit her lip to keep from crying when he tried to smile at her. When Lilian had dropped her off tonight, Maddie had taken her advice and decided - since her mother wouldn't be home until later - that she could utilize this time to get information from her father, maybe.

"You're not gonna get better, are you?" she finally asked.

"Not if things don't change," he replied weakly, his voice raspy, "she's keeping me sick."

"You're not lying to me, are you?" she asked.

"Why would I ever lie to you? I know I haven't been the best dad, I know I work a lot, but I'd never lie to you about anything," her father said, "...Maddie...how many times since I've been back from the hospital have I gone back to the doctor?"

Maddie thought for a moment, then looked back at her father, scared.

"...zero."

"Exactly, and that doesn't seem weird to you?" he asked, trying to sit up but coughing in the process; he continued, "I mean...if I wasn't getting better, wouldn't that mean I should go back? Have tests run? But no. I'm here, in this bed, and the only person who's been taking care of me is your mother. I know home life has been rough, especially since the party, but Maddie I need you to trust me, please. I'm going to die if you don't."

Maddie stared at her father, her eyes filling with tears. He made sound points, and he wasn't getting better which only further proved those points. That being said, if she did what he wanted...and she was wrong...her mother could be facing unfair charges. Then again, as Lilian had made her realize earlier in the day, her mother had lied to her a dozen times over while her father never had.

She was just a little girl.

She shouldn't have to save her family.

                                                                            ***

John couldn't make up his mind.

Standing in the chip aisle at the grocery store, he was beginning to realize just how much time and effort these days went into understanding the difference between chip variations, and how stupid it all was. He set his basket down by his feet and picked up two bags, trying to compare them, when he heard someone coming up behind him. He looked to his side and saw Lilian standing there, holding a basket of her own. They smiled at one another for a second, before he went back to chip analyzation.

"Didn't realize we shopped in the same places," Lilian said.

"I actually normally don't come here, but the store I usually go to is having renovations done," John said, "a section of their roof collapsed, so now I'm forced to seek food elsewhere."

"You could just become a hunter/gatherer," Lilian said, shrugging.

"Do I look like own a loincloth?" John replied, the both of them chuckling; he tossed one bag into the basket, then said, "besides, not all of this is for me. I'm picking up food to make for dinner and I'm gonna cook Alexis a meal. Poor girl looks like she doesn't eat well, so I figured it's up to me to rectify that."

"How dadly of you."

"I do what I can."

"What are you making?" Lilian asked.

"Not really sure just yet," John said, "I tried calling her a few times, but she didn't pick up. She must've been busy. Regardless, it would've been nice to have had some input from her, but I guess instead now I'll just have to guess and hope what I do is something she'll enjoy. And if she doesn't, I'll order in and I'll take what I cooked home to eat. Just wanna give the kid some company."

Lilian liked how John acted towards Alexis. She knew Alexis's family had been rather distant with her, and she knew she spent most of her time alone, so it was nice to know that someone out there was acting parental towards her, even if she was in her twenties. John and Lilian said their goodbyes, and John went to finish his shopping. Eventually he headed to checkout. He paid, carried his groceries to his car and started to drive over to Alexis's. She had given him a key the night of the Clownies, after he'd dropped her off at home, just in case, so he could easily get in without her. when John got inside the apartment, all the lights were on, so he knew she was here. He piled the grocery bags onto the counter and then sighed, shaking his head, hand on his hip as he looked around the room. He began picking things up, tidying after her.

"Hey kiddo, I'm here to cook something!" he shouted, but to no response.

He gathered up her dirty clothes from the floor and headed into the bathroom, figuring there'd be a hamper, which there was. He dumped the armful of dirty clothes into the hamper, then turned the bathroom lights on. He glanced at himself in the mirror before realizing his shoes were wet. He looked down and noticed that the entire bathroom was filled with water, like a pipe had burst and begun to flood. John groaned and turned to face the bathtub when he slipped. He reached back, grabbing the sink and saving himself, though twisting his back in the process. He groaned and stood back up, when his eyes finally landed on the tub. The tub was full. The tub was overflowing. And lying in the tub was Alexis, looking pale. A surge of terror shot through John's body.

John quickly shot over to the bathtub, stumbling on the floor, and began pulling her out. She was almost under the water entirely, her face just barely above the surface of the water, so she hadn't drowned. He tugged and got her from the tub. She was nude, so he quickly wrapped her in a towel and then raced to call an ambulance. As he waited on the phone, talking to the 911 operator, he never let his eyes leave Alexis. Was she dead? He had no idea. She looked pasty and lifeless, but he was no doctor. He hung up after giving them the address, then he sat on the soaking bathroom floor and pulled her toweled body into his arms, holding her.

And then he wept.

                                                                                ***

Jessie pulled into her driveway, the light over the garage softly flickering, when she noticed her daughter Maddie sitting on the porch step, the front door opened. Jessie parked and got out of the car, slowly approaching the house, but Maddie just backed up further away, as two cops, one male and one female, exited the house, while a stretcher carrying Maddie's father was wheeled past them. Jessie and her husbands eyes locked, and she knew then and there her life was over. Jessie looked at Maddie, and Maddie just shook her head, then stood up and went inside.

"Ma'am," the female cop said, bringing Jessie back to reality, even only momentarily, "we need to ask you some serious questions."

The car came to a screeching halt, and thus, the car behind it came to a screeching halt as well, nearly hitting it. As the horn honked blaring behind them, John - in full clown makeup but in a three piece suit - stopped, hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel as he turned and looked at the car full of supposed friends; Lilian, Alexis, Tyler and Vera.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?!" he screamed, "I can't take it anymore! All you fucking do is bicker! All you do is fucking bicker and play the victim and nobody ever learns anything or says they're sorry! Are you children or adults, because I can't fucking tell! Am I in a company run by children? This feels like a company run by goddamned children! Huh? Answer me!"

But nobody would answer him. John started breathing hard as everyone nervously glanced at one another.

"Everyone but Alexis get out of my car," he said softly but sternly.

                                                            3 HOURS EARLIER

"I've never even heard of The Clownies," Alexis said, looking at the envelope while sitting in the passenger seat of John's car while he drove to pick up the others; she was wearing a dress - a first for her - and had even gotta her hair and nails done, just because John had paid for her to do so.

"To be fair, it's not a particularly publicized event," he replied, "it's not like the Oscars or something. People don't have Clownie parties."

"Probably for good reason, because it sounds fucking terrifying," Alexis said, making him laugh.

"It's definitely someones worst nightmare for sure," John said, "so we have to pick Lilian up, and Tyler and Vera wanted a ride so we could all go as a group, so that'll be a neat little experience."

"So have you won a Clownie before?" Alex asked, turning the envelope over in her hand.

"Nope," John said, "never even been nominated. This is kind of a nice vindication for all my years spent wearing funny shoes and tight fitting pants."

"I wanna win an award for winning tight fitting pants. All I ever get is unsolicited harassment," Alexis said.

"Well, it's something," John replied, the both of them chuckling. After a short drive, they arrived at Lilian's. She was inside, still getting ready, so John and Alex waited in the car. John rolled down the window and pulled out a cigarette case from his jacket pocket and flipped it open, offering Alexis one, who happily took one. He lit them both and they started smoking while waiting for Lilian, exhaling their smoke out their respective windows. After a few minutes, Lilian finally emerged and slid into the backseat of the car. She was in a grey pencil skirt and a pretty puffy blouse, her hair done up in a bun.

"You look nice," Alex said.

"Thanks," Lilian said, sniffing the air and then waving her hand in front of her face, "ew, it smells like shit in here!"

"My car, my rules," John said, starting the car back up and pulling away from the curb, before tapping Alex on the knee and saying, "you're gonna have to direct me to Vera and Tyler's places, cause I don't know where they live."

"Not a problem," Alex said, "why are we picking them up anyway?"

"Tyler doesn't have a car, he generally uses ride share services, and Vera's car broke last week," Lilian said, checking her makeup in her compact, "actually, it's one location. They've been living together for a few months now."

"When did that happen?!" Alex asked, turning in her chair and looking back at Lilian, "why didn't I know about this?"

"Why would you? You don't really like talking to Vera," Lilian replied, shrugging.

"Still, we're in the same company, I should know these sorts of things," Alex said, settling back into her seat and continuing to smoke, putting one of her feet up on the glove compartment, "it's like she deliberately leaves me out of things. I don't get it."

"I'm sure it wasn't intentional," John said, "now come on, we're going to a party of sorts, buck up."

Alex nodded, smiling. He was right, she should try and be in a good mood, no matter how bad Vera made her feel. This evening was for John and Stinko after all.

                                                                              ***

The Clownies were being held in a small event center in the city, much to the groups surprise. It was apparently considered a big deal amongst the clown community, and to be invited, let alone nominated, was an honor of the highest regard. When they arrived, John refused to let someone else park his car, and then the group - John, Lilian, Alexis, Tyler and Vera - were escorted inside. The interior was beautifully decorated, with streams hanging from the ceiling, and filled with the most amount of clowns anyone had ever seen in one place.

"This is oddly terrifying," Tyler muttered, causing Alexis to nudge John with her elbow.

"Told you," she whispered, making him chuckle as he led them to their table. As they all seated themselves, a woman in her 40s with long brown hair, in a beautiful gown, waltzed up to the table and stopped at John's chair, tapping him on the shoulder. He looked up at her and smiled, waving politely.

"I was surprised you'd come," she said, "you usually don't like these sorts of things."

"Well, I figured it'd be nice for a change," he said, "guys, this is Elora."

Everyone greeted her almost in unison, then watched as John stood up and faced her. Tyler leaned in towards Alexis and lowered his voice while John and Elora spoke to one another.

"You think they've screwed?" Tyler whispered, "I get the feeling these two have screwed."

"Please, I don't wanna think of clowns bonking," Lilian mumbled.

"I believe you mean honking," Alexis muttered, making them all laugh, even Vera, to her surprise. Elora eventually said goodbye and headed back to her table as John sat back down at his own. He ran his hands through his hair and sighed, picking up his water glass and taking a long sip before looking at the group.

"What?" he asked, half smirking.

"What's the deal with you two, huh?" Lilian asked, "you guys a thing or?"

"If we were a thing, don't you think I'd have invited her with me instead of you guys?" John asked, straightening his tie.

"Is it true that the size of a clowns shoes is directly proportionate to the size of his-" Alexis started to ask, until Lilian put her hand over Alex's mouth, making everyone laugh. All in all, it seemed like it was going to be a good evening. But of course, appearances can be deceiving.

                                                                              ***

John and Elora had met several years prior, shortly after the loss of his family.

The clown community came together to help him for a bit; bringing him food, checking up on him, and Elora was one of the few that went the extra mile. She would invite John out on numerous occasions, if only to give him something to do besides moping. Elora would take John to dinner, to the movies, sometimes they would go clothes shopping just for giggles. John appreciated her company, especially because he had been unsure of continuing with his life after what happened, but after witnessing her kindness - and the kindness of the community as a whole - he knew survival was indeed worthwhile.

But all that being said, they'd never become romantically entangled. Why it hadn't happened never made sense to either of them, but they each sort of understood. While John's family had been taken in an accident, Elora's husband had died of prolonged illness, and perhaps what they needed most in the aftermath was just genuine companionship, not romance. They would swap stories about their loved ones, about their relationships, share photos of them together. To become romantically involved, it seemed, would almost break that solidarity in some weird way. Regardless, each was thankful for the friendship the other had extended unto them.

But that didn't stop everyone around them from recognizing how obviously right for one another they were.

                                                                             ***

"You come here often?" someone asked as they took a seat by Alexis while everyone else had gone to either mingle or gorge themselves at the buffet. Alexis sipped her drink and smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"To Clown Award Shows?" she asked. The man - roughly a few years older than her but still boyish and handsome - laughed and took a sip of his own drink.

"Right, stupid question," he said.

"You're not wearing makeup," Alex said.

"I'm not a clown, so."

"What are you doing here then?"

"Well, you're not wearing makeup either, what are you doing here?"

"I'm a guest," Alexis said, taking another long swig of her cocktail, "Came with Stinko."

"I'm a guest too," the man said, "I'm Brady."

"Alexis."

Just then they stopped and noticed John was standing back at the table. Brady stood up, grabbed his drink and politely excused himself. John seated himself back next to Alexis and started to eat from his plate as she looked at him, confused. She pointed at Brady, wagging her finger.

"Uh...I was kinda interested in that," she said.

"Don't be," John said, taking a bite from a chicken wing, "Brady's a loser. You deserve better. He just wants to sleep with you."

"Well I'm open for that, it's been a while," Alexis said.

"No, you're not," John said sternly, "...not with him. You want random hookups, that's fine, that's your business. Hell, even someone else here would be okay. But not Brady. He's a creep. Trust me when I say this, I am doing you a favor. He's not the kind of guy you wanna sleep with even just for the sake of sleeping with someone."

Alex nodded slowly, picking her glass back up and sipping it.

"...thank you I guess," she whispered.

Meanwhile, over at the buffet, Lilian and Tyler were piling their plates as Tyler glanced back at the table where John and Alexis sat. He shook his head and sighed as he shoveled more and more food onto his plate before looking at Lilian, who smiled at him, making him smile back at her.

"Vera seems...a little stressed out lately," Lilian said, "I was hoping if she came to a little social thing like this it might just ease her up, you know? Get her to loosen a bit. But goddamn that bitch seems impossible to please. I don't mean that in a derogatory sense, of course."

"You're not wrong," Tyler said as they finished gathering food and started heading back to the table, slowly so they could talk amongst themselves along the way, "she's stressed. She's stressed all the time, and nothing seems to make it better. She's not managing great, and Alexis's behavior bothers her, and she's...I shouldn't tell you this, but I am because you're my friend and I trust you, but...she wants a family. But she...she's worried about having that on top of everything else. She doesn't think she could handle it."

"Please, she could handle anything," Lilian said, scoffing.

"That's nice of you to believe. Regardless, she's also worried if she doesn't do it soon, she might not get too. Generally, in her family, women who try to get pregnant after thirty don't have much luck, and she's pushing 29. She's dedicated to us, to our company and to each of us individually, but she wants to be a mom," Tyler said, sighing, "...and she...she wants me to do it with her."

Lilian stopped in her tracks, her eyes wide.

"WHAT?" she asked, grinning in delight.

"Keep it under your hat, we're not exactly public about it," Tyler said, "but yeah, we've been seeing one another for ages now, we've gotten very serious, talked about moving in together. Either way, she wants me to father a child with her, but I don't...first of all, I don't know how good at being a father I would be, not to mention I don't think I'm personally ready for that level of responsibility either."

"Why not just tell her that?" Lilian asked.

"I have. Why do you think she's unhappy?" Tyler said.

Lilian and Tyler arrived at the table and sat down, beginning to eat. Alexis stood up and excused herself, heading to the bathroom. As she passed by everyone, entering the ladies restroom, she stopped in front of the mirror and checked her makeup. Standing there, admiring herself, she heard one of the stall doors open, and saw Vera walk out from inside, reversed in the mirror.

"...you look nice," Vera said quietly as she approached the sink.

"Thanks, so do you," Alexis replied.

Vera opened her mouth to say something, but must've decided against it, because instead she turned and exited the bathroom. Alexis, after making sure she'd left, entered the stall she'd used and locked it behind her. When she was finished, she washed her hands and headed back to the table. After a bit, they announced the nominees, and, much to nobody's surprise, John was in fact granted an award for his work. He was clearly beloved within the community, and seeing him up on stage, thanking them, giving a short speech, clutching the trophy they'd made for it, everyone couldn't help but clap ferociously for him. Alexis even stood up and whistled loudly, which made John blush.

All in all, it was a decent evening. At least until they got back into the car.

                                                                           ***

Driving home in the dark, after the awards show - Alexis sitting in the passenger seat once again while everyone was crammed in the back - John couldn't help but feel pretty good about how the evening went. He had the air conditioning on, the radio on soft classical music, and nobody was talking. Honestly, considering how argumentative this group was, that was probably a blessing. Vera unwrapped and popped a piece of gum into her mouth before leaning forward and offering one to Alexis, who politely declined.

"So," Vera said, "how are you doing lately?"

"Okay, I guess, why? Are you checking up on me? You're not my sponsor or something," Alexis remarked.

"No, but I am your employer, so your behavior reflects back on me," Vera said, trying hard to be nice; she added, "just, you know, let me know if you're using or something again because I can put you on leave or something. We could work something out. Paid vacation or even rehab, something to-"

"I don't need your pity masquerading as kindness!" Alexis snapped, making Vera leap backwards, best as one can in the backseat of a car, as Lilian grabbed her and held tightly, almost as if she were trying to keep Vera from attacking Alex in response; Alexis continued, "I'm doing fine, I'm doing great, okay! The one thing I wish I could have above all else was your genuine trust!"

"Can you blame me for being somewhat untrustworthy?" Vera barked back, "After all the damage you've caused?"

Soon enough, the car had once again erupted into an argument. Tyler rolled his eyes and sighed, glancing at Lilian who just shook her head. They were both getting very tired of this repetitive situation. It seemed like, lately, this was all that happened when everyone was in the same space together. Especially if that space included both Vera and Alexis. Vera clearly had some sort of personal vendetta, it felt like, and everyone was getting pretty goddamn sick of living with it.

The car came to a screeching halt, and thus, the car behind it came to a screeching halt as well, nearly hitting it. As the horn honked blaring behind them, John - still in full clown makeup and a three piece suit - stopped, hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel as he turned and looked at the car full of supposed friends; Lilian, Alexis, Tyler and Vera.

"What the fuck is wrong with you people?!" he screamed, "I can't take it anymore! All you fucking do is bicker! All you do is fucking bicker and play the victim and nobody ever learns anything or says they're sorry! Are you children or adults, because I can't fucking tell! Am I in a company run by children? This feels like a company run by goddamned children! Huh? Answer me!"

But nobody would answer him. John started breathing hard as everyone nervously glanced at one another.

"Everyone but Alexis get out of my car," he said softly but sternly. The back doors of the car opened slowly, as Tyler, Lilian and Vera piled out. After the doors shut, John sped off into the night. Lilian sighed, pulled out her cell phone and dialed Miranda's number. Standing there, hand on her hip waiting for her to answer so she could ask for a ride home, Tyler looked at Vera.

"What is wrong with you?" Tyler asked quietly, almost in awe, "why can't you just-"

"Just...leave me alone," Vera replied almost silently, as she walked a ways away. Back in the car, Alexis positioned the air conditioner in the front to blow directly on her face, her shoes still up on the glovebox door, her dress riding up a little as a result. John turned the radio off and took a deep sigh.

"...this can't go on," he whispered.

"Why didn't you kick me out?" Alex asked.

"Because you're not doing anything wrong," John replied, "listen to me, okay? I was an alcoholic and a drug user for a good portion of my life, around your age, and I do not regret it. I'm not saying it's great, and something everyone should experience, but it's something I am glad I lived through. But it's also not something anyone else gets to tell you to stop doing. You have proven you are not hurting yourself, or those around you, and if all Vera cares about is appearances, then fuck her. You are doing your job - well, might I add - and if she can't see past that, then that's on her, not you. That being said, I don't want you to think it's okay to live like that forever either. At a certain point you have to realize your body is going to just give up on you if you don't change something. It can only take so much."

Alexis nodded, listening, tears welling in her eyes. She looked at her shoes, her heels, and mumbled.

"...my dad never cared about whether i was doing it or not," she whispered, "...he was just happy i was out of the house."

"I already lost one little girl I cared about," John said quietly, "I won't lose another."

Alexis smiled, and nodded. If John wanted to be a father figure, far be it from her to stop him.

                                                                            ***

Lilian, tugging her shoes off her feet as Miranda walked beside her down the hall (they'd already dropped Tyler and Vera off at their respective homes), couldn't believe it. She was so tired of all the infighting. She felt Miranda kiss her neck, and she blushed, stumbling a little as she giggled.

"Stop, you're gonna make me trip and-"

That's when she saw Maddie sitting in front of her apartment door. Lilian and Miranda approached, as Maddie looked up at them. Lilian knelt down and brushed her hair from her eyes.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing here?" she asked.

"Daddy's getting worse, and I don't know how to stop it," Maddie whimpered, "...she's gonna kill him."

"...alright, come on inside, come on," Lilian said, gathering up the little girl and heading into her apartment; "we'll figure this out together."

"I have to say, it's nice to see you again after all this time," Mrs. Kearning said.

Lilian was walking down a hall, Alexis right behind her, right beside popular local pageant judge Amanda Kearning. Kearning had first met Lilian when she was a child, but had always wondered why she'd dropped out of the public eye and stopped doing pageants. Now, seeing her as a grown adult, coming back to the industry, Amanda could see she'd grown up to be as beautiful as she'd always assumed she would be when she was a little girl.

"Well, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't weird being here," Lilian said, smiling as a couple young girls in dresses ran past them laughing, heading to the main dressing room; "but, I figure that these pageants gave me so much when I was little, I wanted to kind of give something back."

"That's beautiful," Kearning said, before looking back at Alexis, who was absentmindedly chewing gum, and asking, "and what about you? Why are you here?"

"Because she drove," Alex said, pointing at Lilian.

"She's just my friend, along for the ride," Lilian said, her and Kearning chuckling together.

Truth was, Alexis had always struggled with her self image, and being at a place like a beauty pageant, especially one geared towards little girls, made her feel especially uneasy. Part of the reason she'd started doing drugs in the first place was simply to curb her appetite and help her stay skinny. As they continued walking, heading to the judges room, Alex stopped when they started to pass by a little girl sitting on a bench by herself, her knees pulled up to her chest. Alex knelt down beside the bench and looked at the kid.

"You alright?" she asked, as the girl looked up at her and Alex noticed her lazy eye.

"I'm not gonna win cause of my eye," the girl said weakly, clearly having been crying.

"Well, I think your eye is cool, and besides, you can see everything with it. Liars, cheaters, and all the beauty around you outside of this fake fashion show," Alex said, patting the girl on the shoulder, "trust me, you're the most beautiful girl here, and it's because of your eye."

The girl started to smile, and nod, taking Alex's statements to heart. Alex stood back up and jogged down the hall briskly, catching back up to Lilian and Amanda. A long time ago, Alexis had made a promise to herself to be nice to kids, only because nobody was ever nice to her as a kid. Nobody should have to feel that level of loneliness, especially a child, she thought.

                                                                               ***

Maddie slowly opened her parents bedroom door and snuck in quietly, looking around cautiously. Her mother was out of the house for the time being, but that didn't mean she wanted to leave any kind of impression that she'd come in here. She crept in on tip toes, careful not to wake her sleeping father. Maddie approached a dresser, where his leftover lunch sat on a metal meal tray, and she examined it.

The problem was, she wasn't exactly sure how to look for signs of poisoning or anything. How does one tell if one is being poisoned? Maddie left the tray alone and continued towards the bathroom, pushing it open as quietly as she could, so she could sneak in without him remotely stirring. Once inside, she walked over to the medicine cabinet and pulled it open slowly, knowing it was creaky. Nothing in here looked odd or out of the ordinary. Why would it? It'd be stupid to poison him with something from their own bathroom, in such close proximity to him, she thought. No. If this was really happening, and she was determined to investigate his claims, then she knew the poison had to be coming from somewhere else. Something else. Something she wouldn't be looking for.

Maddie sighed dejectedly and sat on the toilet seat lid, looking at her shoes. Could he just have been delirious? Or could what Stinko had been saying was true? That he was simply trying to get between her and her mother and cause a rift? But why would a parent do such a thing? None of it made sense to Maddie, and she began to doubt it ever would.

After a bit, Maddie finally stood up and walked out, creeping slowly and silently past the dresser once again, and she noticed her father rolling a little in the bed, mumbling something. She didn't even know which parent she liked, or if she liked either of them to be honest. Ever since the kid had died at her party, neither one had made any attempt whatsoever to see how she felt, or if she was remotely okay. They'd just...gone about their lives, business as usual. Maddie walked over to the bed and looked at her fathers sleeping face, chewing her lip anxiously. What was she supposed to do? Was she just making all this up in her head to alleviate the guilt of her parents not loving one another, or even seemingly her? Why did she even care, when it seemed like they didn't care about her?

Maddie didn't know what a family was.

And she had her folks to blame for that.

                                                                              ***

"So, what's it like to be the most beautiful girl in a building?" Alexis asked Lilian as they followed Kearning into the judges room.

"Well, I don't know about the most beautiful," Lilian said, "but I'm certainly right up there."

Alexis chuckled as she and Lilian seated themselves at a small round white table in the center of the room, clearly where judges ate lunch between pageants. Kearning walked to the counter and started warming up the pot of coffee as they talked.

"You know," Kearning said, "it's rare that someone who does pageants becomes a judge, and even more rare when it's someone who quit doing them. You're kind of an anomaly."

"I've been told that," Lilian replied.

"Lucky," Alexis said, "nobody's ever called me anything nearly that cool."

"You wanna be called something? I can call you something," Lilian replied, the both of them laughing.

"All I mean is," Kearning said, picking up her coffee mug and turning to look at the girls, "historically, people who quit pageants aren't all that interested in judging them later in life. You might be the first we've run into, well, besides..."

The girls looked at one another, then back at Kearning.

"...there was this woman a few years back, someone who ran in the same circuit you did actually. Her name was Ashley. I won't give you a last name, not that it'd be hard to figure it out after what she did. Anyway, Ashley became so disenchanted with the whole thing, that after she left the pageant scene, she wound up murdering her boyfriend, who just happened to be a fashion designer. Simply being around something even remotely adjacent to the thing that haunted her was enough to make her snap, I guess."

"Holy hell," Lilian whispered.

"Awesome," Alexis chuckled.

"...you're not gonna murder anyone, are you?" Kearning asked Lilian, slightly smirking.

"I don't like people, but I don't think I'm capable of murder," Lilian said, "so I'd have to say no."

"That's good," Kearning replied, laughing as she turned back to face to now warmed coffee pot, pouring herself a mug. The door to the room opened, and two other judges walked in; a youngish looking woman, perhaps a trainee, and a middle aged, but very handsome, man. He was wearing an ash grey suit, and his hair was combed neatly. He had small black round glasses hugging the bridge of his nose, and he stopped when he and Lilian's eyes caught one another. He then continued after a moment, talking with the woman he'd entered with, while Lilian felt her insides clench up violently.

Whether or not he recognized her remained to be seen, though judging by the fact that he stopped when he saw her gave Lilian the impression that he did recognize her, but more importantly, she recognized him. The same man, just older now, who'd come into her dressing room on her last pageant. The man whose actions eventually drove her to seek therapy. He was still here, he was still judging, and that broke Lilian's trust in the system. It shouldn't be surprising, considering the kinds of shit men in power get away with and have been getting away with forever, but it did. It did, for some reason, surprise her. She thought maybe someone, at some point, might've said something, but apparently not. Had he continued to do to other young girls what he'd done to her? This was something she both itched to know and feared knowing.

"Lily, Alex, this is Anna, our intern, and one of our longest running judges, Michael Brown," Kearning said, sipping from her mug after introducing them.

"Nice to meet you," Anna said, shaking the girls hands, while Michael took the pot from Kearning and poured himself a cup of coffee, then sipped it before speaking.

"You look very familiar, did you use to do pageant work or have you judged somewhere else or?" Michael asked.

"I used to be in pageants as a little girl, yes," Lilian said, curious as to whether he was merely pretending not to know her or genuinely unsure if he knew her; she continued, "but that was a long time ago, and I haven't done anything in the pageant circuit for years. I just figured it'd be fun to boost girls self esteem now as an adult who also did it."

"A noble cause," Michael said, nodding.

Alex looked from Lilian to Michael, then back to Lilian. She wasn't certain, but she just sort of got the feeling that something was off, and she'd find out what.

                                                                             ***

"Maybe I am making it up," Maddie said, sitting in the booth with John.

Maddie had taken up visiting the diner frequently, hoping to catch Lilian or one of her friends there. Lately, John - considering he didn't work nearly as much as the others seemed to - was the one most often around. He was seated opposite her, eating a sandwich, dressed in a collared button down shirt with flamingos on it and khaki pants.

"Maybe I just want something terrible to be happening so I can make sense of why my family sucks so much," Maddie continued, laying her chin flat on her arms on the table, sighing, "cause, like...why else would they suck if it wasn't for some awful reason?"

"Sometimes families just suck," John replied, "but you know, Mads, you have something not every kid with a sucky family has. You have a support group of adults who care about you outside of your family. You're a very lucky young lady, honestly. Some kids would kill to have what you have."

Maddie had never really considered this, but John was right. Even if her family did suck, she had adults she could turn to, and she was lucky in that regard. She had even begun to consider John more of a parent to her just thanks to his kindness and advice than her own father had ever been.

"...what if I'm the reason my family sucks?" Maddie asked in a small, sad voice, and John immediately stopped eating and looked at her seriously.

"No child is ever the reason their family sucks," John said sternly, "so don't you ever think that about yourself. You were brought into this world without your consent, and it is your parents responsibility to care for you, and if they fail, it's THEIR failure, not a failure on YOUR part."

Maddie smiled and nodded, then shut her eyes and rested on the tabletop as John continued eating his sandwich.

"Thanks Stinko," she said quietly.

"Anytime, kid," he replied.

It's true what they say, Maddie thought, clowns really do make you feel better.

                                                                               ***

Lilian was standing in the bathroom, trying to steady her breathing. She wouldn't even looked herself in the mirror over the sink, simply because she was terrified she'd see Michael standing behind her. She heard the door open and she heard Alexis enter and stop at the sink, next to Lilian.

"Are you okay?" Alexis asked.

"no," she said quietly, "i am very much not okay, actually."

"As soon as that guy came in, everything-"

"He was the one," Lillian said, forcing the words out of her mouth, even as disgusting as they tasted slipping past her lips, "he was the one who came into my dressing room on the night of my last pageant, he's the reason I quit altogether. He locked the door, he put his hands on me, down my stockings...if...if my mother hadn't come back, he...he might have..."

"Hey, shhh," Alexis said, putting her hands on Lilian's arm, "you're okay, you're safe. That's...that's fucking sick, but look at you now, back, stronger than ever, more than willing to face him down."

"I don't know what's worse, that he did it, or that he didn't remember doing it. How many girls has he done this to that he can willingly forget about some of them?" Lilian asked, looking at Alex, tears in her eyes, her lips trembling, "because...because he's still here. Somehow, I deluded myself into believing some kind of justice might come for his actions, but no, he's STILL. FUCKING. HERE."

Alex had never seen Lilian this shaken, and it honestly frightened her. For as long as they'd known one another, Lilian had always been the strong one. The one who didn't break down. The one who was, what the kids call, a boss bitch. So to see her so genuinely scared, so open and vulnerable, it broke Alex's heart. Alexis pushed her black hair from her face and choked on her words, unsure of what to say.

"Lilian," Alex said, "you're the coolest, strongest person I've ever known. You're, like...my hero. To see you be this scared only makes you cooler, cause it proves even someone as strong as you is capable of being scared, which only humanizes you moreso. Fuck this guy. Prove him wrong. Judge and save kids, not hurt them, like he is. You're the force field now between his awfulness and the goodness of the world, okay?"

Lilian looked at Alex, realizing that this dweeby, drug addicted weirdo was her best friend in the world, and threw her arms around Alexis, surprising her with a tight hug. Alex, stunned momentarily, finally started laughing and hugged Lilian back.

"I love you, man," Lilian said.

"Hey, I love you too," Alex said, "how could anyone not, really?"

Lilian had never really had a best friend. In fact, before working with these people, she'd never really had friends proper, so having one she could trust, one she could even call a best friend, was more than welcome honestly. She was thankful they were in one anothers lives, because she knew each of their lives would be lesser without the other one.

Who knew that a pirate and a princess would ever make such good friends?