Despite working at them for a living, Lillian had ironically grown to hate parties. Parties of any kind. Birthday parties, new years parties, you name a kind of party and Lillian hated it. Except for this party. This was the one and only social event of the year she looked forward to, and it was the company's annual Halloween party. This was the time she could wear whatever she wanted, instead of her princess getup, and she appreciated that.

Sitting in the car, riding with Alex who had asked her to carpool, Lillian was dressed as a Genie while Alex was dressed as a werewolf. Alex was applying eye makeup in the rearview mirror while Lillian drove, and she occasionally glanced over at Alex, somewhat scoffing.

"What?" Alex asked.

"Who ever heard of a werewolf using beauty products," Lillian said, making them both chuckle.

"Well," Alex replied, "most werewolves aren't as ravishingly beautiful as I am, so there."

Lillian laughed again, loudly this time, as she turned into the parking lot of the usual building the company rented for this event. After parking and getting out of the car, the two women started to head through the lot, towards the building. It was brisk out, and they could hear the shouts of a nearby house party as kids ran up and down the street in Halloween costumes, trick or treating. The sounds made Lillian remember why this was her favorite holiday.

"It's so easy to feel like a kid again when Halloween comes around, even when you're older," she said, "I mean, it's the only holiday that has absolutely no restrictions on it. Candy for everyone, we all get to dress up and it's entirely nondenominational."

"You make a valid argument," Alex said, pulling her werewolf mask down over her head, then looking at Lillian, asking, "How do my eyes look?"

"You know, I now understand why you were doing makeup, because it really does add to the effect," she replied. Just then Tyler, dressed as a golfer, jogged up to their side and began walking beside them. Lillian and Alex started chuckling and pointing at him.

"That's your costume?" Alex asked.

"It was easy," Tyler remarked, shrugging, "at least I'm gonna be comfortable all night."

"...shit, he's got a point. This thing is gonna make me sweat," Alex mumbled.

                                                                            ***

Happily walking down the street, her little braids bobbing up and down, young 9 year old Stephie Marks was having the night of her life trick or treating with her dad. Her mom had stayed home to hand out candy, and when she asked why dad couldn't do it, he'd told her, "because people don't trust candy given by strange lone men", which made her mom laugh. She liked it when her mom laughed. She liked it when her parents made eachother laugh. Honestly, there wasn't much in the world that Stephie Marks didn't like, except perhaps dark chocolate. She much preferred milk chocolate to that, and even white.

Stephie had picked out her costume months in advance, and not because it was difficult to make or anything - she was just dressed like a mermaid - but because she loved Halloween that much. Now, skipping down the street hand in hand with her dad, who was also skipping along with her, Stephie was thrilled to finally have her favorite holiday be here once again. At school that day, they'd spent the whole afternoon doing Halloween activities - reading spooky stories, watched a scary movie and having a Halloween parade around the school so all the kids could show off their costumes - and now it was the long awaited trick or treating.

"Stay in my sight, okay?" her father called as she skipping ahead of him.

Stephie raced up the stairs of one house, grouping herself with another bunch of small kids, and as the door swung open they all hollered "treat or treat!" and the woman who answered smiled at them all before dumping handfuls of candy in their respective containers. After she was finished, only Stephie thanked the woman profusely before running back down the steps to her father, who waved politely at the woman as he took his daughters hand and kept up with her down the street to the next house.

Yes, Halloween was the best night of the year.

                                                                           ***

Alex couldn't believe that most of the women here, all in their twenties or thirties, were dressed in fairly skimpy or sexy costumes, and now she felt especially out of place. Tyler patted her back and chuckled as Lillian continued past them to the snack table.

"Well, at least you can take some sort of solace in the fact that you aren't a sexy werewolf," Tyler said.

"Jokes on you, everybody would wanna sleep with a sexy werewolf," Alex said as they followed Lillian to the table. Alex immediately scooped up a handful of chips and, lifting up the mask, stuffed them into her mouth and chewed as Lillian picked up a small cracker with nice cheese and a small slice of meat atop it and nibbled on it.

"Did you not eat before coming?" Tyler asked, and she shook her head.

"No, I expected them to serve something here," she replied, "I mean, I wasn't expecting a five course meal or anything, but still you'd think a company this large and successful would've somehow found a way to manage feeding their employees for just a few hours. Hell, there's not even any Halloween themed cookies or anything."

"There's pumpkin pie," Alex said, pointing at a pie that hadn't even been opened, making Lillian roll her eyes.

"Great, yeah, cause pumpkins are used during Halloween. They really went the extra mile here, didn't they," Lillian mumbled, making Tyler laugh as Vera walked over to them. Vera was dressed like an elf from a fantasy book, and Tyler raised an eyebrow as she approached.

"Wow, you look fantastic," Tyler said.

"Thanks!" Vera said happily, pushing her hair behind her elf ears placed over her actual ears, "I wanted to do something different, as most years I don't really try very hard. I always liked reading fantasy novels when I was younger, so."

"You don't read fantasy anymore?" Lillian asked.

"I only read dirty magazines," Alex said, making everyone look at her until she quietly added under her breath, "...but, like, for the articles."

Vera, barely able to container her laughter at Alex, said, "I don't really have as much time to read anymore, and a lot of fantasy is in depth, complex and very lengthy, so it takes a lot of time and patience, and I just don't have those qualities as an adult."

"It's true, as a kid I had nothing but patience to sink time into things others considered pointless or trivial," Tyler said, "now I feel like my time is precious."

"It's because as an adult you realize you only have such a finite amount of it before you die," Alex said.

"You know, it's no surprise to me that you don't get invited to many parties," Tyler said at her.

Lillian wandered away from the group as they gathered around the snack table, and she noticed someone sitting on a chair near an office door, fiddling with their costume. Lillian slipped away from the group while they bickered amongst themselves and walked towards the person. They looked up as Lillian stood in front of them, and smiled down. The person appeared to be a teenage girl, and Lillian was surprised to see her here.

"My dad's around somewhere if you're looking for him," the girl said, and Lillian drug a chair next to hers and seated herself.

"No, you just looked bored, so I thought I'd keep you company. I don't like parties myself," Lillian said.

"Then what are you doing at one?" the girl asked.

"Well, I'm legally obligated to be here, since, you know, I work for these people," Lillian said, "Trust me, I sat out one one year and was firmly reprimanded because of it. They essentially told me if I didn't wanna be a part of the team, then I shouldn't be signed up with one, even though we all work separately and only ever see one another during times like this."

"You're not a loner. You came with people," the girl retorted, making Lillian glance back at the crew, still by the table, clearly discussing something intensely.

"I mean, those are actual friends, not just coworkers. But okay, that's fair, perhaps I'm not as withdrawn as I make myself out to be," Lillian said, her thoughts immediately leaping to that of Maddison and Rina. She had been more social lately, it seemed. She sighed and stood up, adding, "Well, I just thought you might like some company, but I can leave if you'd like."

"No, you...you don't have to go," the girl said, "It's nice not to be alone."

Lillian seated herself again and the girl shifted in her seat.

"So what's your dad usually dress as for work?" Lillian asked.

"A monster," the girl said softly, "not much of a stretch of the imagination, if you ask me."

This statement worried Lillian.

                                                                             ***

It was getting late, and Stephie's father wanted to begin heading home. The streets weren't empty, exactly, but they had certainly thinned, and he was getting tired. Stephie, of course, still had energy to spare, because children never run out of steam, especially on a long awaited holiday. He checked his watch and scratched his forehead before tapping Stephie on her shoulder while she dug through her candy bag while walking.

"I think we should start heading home," he said.

"Just one more house!" Stephie said excitedly, making him smile. How could he turn down that level of unbridled enthusiasm?

"Alright," he said, "but just one more."

He didn't really recognize this neighborhood, and that alone should've tipped him off that they'd gone too far from their usual route, but Stephie was having such a good time he didn't think much of it. He stopped and looked across the street at a house party going on, and he thought back to the kind of Halloween parties he and his wife used to attend before they had Stephie. Those days were long gone, now. These days their idea of a wild night was to stay up until 2am and eat a few bowls of ice cream apiece.

He turned back as he heard the sound of small feet shuffling up beside him and looked down, expecting to see Stephie, but instead seeing a little boy. He quickly apologized, and the mother understood politely, taking her little boy by the hand and leading him down the street. Stephie's father continued to turn in circles, looking everywhere in his immediate vicinity for his daughter, only to come up empty time and time again, and he began to grow worried. Where had she gone? Just one more house.

Just one more house.

It was something he'd regret saying for the rest of his life.

                                                                            ***

"Parents are dicks," Lillian said, "I mean, even the ones who seem to try for your best interests wind up being dicks, because they never ask you what you want, they just think they know what you want. So even if their heart is in the right place, their actions speak louder than words."

"It's embarrassing having a dad who works for parties for a living as a costumed character," the girl said, "everyone else's dads are doctors or lawyers or work in office buildings or are involved in some remotely kind of respectable career, but my dad just...does parties in a monster costume."

"I like to think that we perform an important service, bringing joy to kids," Lillian said.

"Funny how he can bring other peoples children joy but he can't make his own kid happy," the girl replied.

"I know what you mean," Lillian said.

"Do you? Because you sound just like every other adult who's tried to relate to me," the girl said, almost snapping at Lillian and surprising her now, continuing, "every therapist, school counselor, teacher, whatever...you all sound the same. Do you really understand, or are you just saying that to get me to let my guard down?"

Lillian was surprised, taken aback by this sudden vinegar, and didn't know how to respond. The girl stood up and took off quickly, walking into the crowd and vanishing. Alex took her seat, eating a piece of pie crust and looking at Lillian.

"You okay?" Alex asked.

"...I guess just because you're friends with one kid doesn't mean you can be friends with them all," Lillian said.

"Teenagers are scary," Alex said, finishing her pie crust, and then sliding a paper plate with another piece of pie on it onto Lillian's lap, smiling, "here, I brought you a piece before it was all gone."

"...thanks Alexis," Lillian said, smiling lightly; she couldn't deny that Alex was a real friend, and perhaps she should just be grateful for that. So Lillian spent the evening in the chair, talking with Alexis, occasionally dancing with her when Alex asked, and just overall having a surprisingly decent time. On the way back to the parking lot that night, she spotted the teenage girl screaming at her dad near their car, and as Lillian lifted a fairly drunk Alexis into the passenger side seat, she shifted and opened one eye.

"What's with all the screaming?" Alex asked, groaning.

"It's nothing," Lillian said, "none of our business."

And then she drove Alexis to her apartment, letting her spend the night, thinking she shouldn't be alone. As she drove past the teenage girl and her father, their eyes caught briefly, and she could see the teenage girl looked genuinely remorseful for how she'd acted, but it was too late now. The party was over.

Maybe next year.

                                                                             ***

Stephie, despite hearing her father say to stay in his sight, had immediately rushed up the porch of a house, and rang the doorbell. The lawn was well taken care of, the house looked nice and clean, and a man almost her fathers age, dressed well, opened the door to her. She held up her bag and said "trick or treat!", and the man immediately grabbed a bowl of candy inside near the door, dumping some into her bag. Stephie thanked him, then turned, her back to him, as she looked through her bag before heading back to her father. The man looked around, noticing how empty the streets were, and then swiftly placed one hand around her mouth, the other around her waist, and pulled her violently into his house, shutting the door behind him.

Stephie's father would eventually return home, much to his wifes shock, with a slew of policemen. They would stay up all night, waiting for the cops to find their daughter, only for morning to break with no sign of a return. It wouldn't be another week until they finally found Stephie, wrapped in a carpet and dumped in the back field of a nearby high school. She'd been strangled to death. Even days after that, her father, Jackson, could still hear the shrill sounds of his and his wifes screams when they were brought to the morgue to identify their little girl. No fingerprints or any other evidence was found, and no suspect was ever named.

Every night, before he fell asleep, Jackson would be lying in bed, trying to clear his mind but all he could hear was that sentence, destined to be forever haunted by four little innocent words...

Just one more house.

Just one more house.

Just one more house.

That blinding light, shining right in Lillian's eyes, making her squint upwards as she attempted to stumble onto the stage, in front of all the other little girls, facing the crowd in front of her. She could see her mother sitting in a first row seat, filming her with a camcorder, grinning happily. Lillian just wanted to scream and run away. She looked to the judges table, and saw one of the men adjust his microphone. He was a handsome enough man, in his early thirties, who had the look of a cool college professor. He lifted up his cards and cleared this throat.

"Lillian Phillips...please, in your own words, tell me why you think you deserve to be The Harvest Queen this fall?" he asked, making Lillian blink a few times, trying to figure out her response. She shouldn't have had to think; she and her mother had rehearsed this a million times over, and she knew the correct response to give.

And yet...

...that wasn't the answer she'd wind up giving, and the one she'd wind up giving would end her beauty pageant career for good.

                                                                             ***

Lillian had a week off.

For the first time in months, she had an entire week off, and she was grateful for it. She'd ordered in last night, stayed up watching crappy game show reruns and eventually passed out on her couch, chinese boxes littering her coffee table, her robe partially open. She only woke up because her landline rang, rudely interrupting her sleep. She groaned, rolled off the couch to her feet and walked across the room towards the landline hanging on the wall in the nearby kitchen of her apartment. She picked it up, still half asleep, and rubbed her eyes.

"Yeeeah, hello?" she asked.

"Lily! It's mom!"

Her heart sank.

"Hello," she said flatly.

"I'm in need of some help, if you'd be so willing," her mother said.

"Depends on what it is I have to do," Lillian replied.

"Oh, nothing, I just want you to come with me on some errands and give me your opinions on some stuff I'm buying," she said, which made Lillian feel a little bit better.

"Yeah, okay, that sounds...normal," Lillian said, making her mother laugh.

"I'll be there in a half hour, okay? I'm bringing coffee and donuts, and we can eat in the car!" she said, before hanging up without even saying goodbye. Lillian hung up as well, then stared at the phone. She picked it up and slammed it into the base a number of times before calmly hanging up one last time again. It sounded normal, sure, but it rarely if ever was.

Lillian got dressed; a plain white v neck t-shirt under some overalls and pulled her hair in pigtails. Seemed like she always regressed to being a kid when she was around her mother, which she was certain her therapist would have an absolute field day with if he knew. She packed a small pleather backpack full of some items (a book, some medication, a water bottle and some granola bars; just odds and ends for a day out) and tossed it on her back before heading to the parking lot of the apartment to wait for her mother.

When her mother pulled up in her car, Lillian almost didn't recognize it. After it slowed to a crawl, the door opened automatically and Lillian climbed inside, clicking her seatbelt tight as her mother leaned in and kissed her cheek.

"This car looks new," Lillian said.

"It is," Jane said, "Well, relatively new. Figured it was time for a little upgrade, considering I'd been driving that old car since you were a kid."

"Well it's nice," Lillian said, almost impressed, adding, "...so, what exactly is it you need me to do?"

"I just wanted to spend the day with my daughter," Jane said, "Is that too much to ask?"

"I don't know. Sometimes things don't go too well..."

"Well, I recognize that, but it doesn't mean we should stop trying," Jane said, making Lillian smirk, even if she remained somewhat hesitant. Her mother was nothing if not smooth, a trait Lillian herself had always admired and envied for herself. Unfortunately, she'd seemed to have been saddled with her fathers blunt awkwardness. Jane pulled out of the parking lot and began heading down the street, the late October sun shining down through the somewhat grey sky, warming Lillian's face. She shut her eyes, rolled the window down a smidge and took in the sound of the crunching leaves beneath her mothers tires.

"You doing anything for Halloween this week?" Jane asked.

"Um, I have to go to a work party, yeah," Lillian replied, "Why? Are you doing something?"

"I'm having a get together with some of the other women on my block," Jane said, "Nothing special, just something low key while their kids are out trick or treating, you know. That's actually part of why I needed your help today, I need to find a Halloween costume to wear."

Lillian genuinely smiled.

"Well, okay, I can definitely help with that," Lillian said.

She liked these good times. She liked them so much, she often forgot that most of her life with her mother had been bad times.

                                                                            ***

An hour before the show had started, Lillian had been in the dressing room with the other little girls and their mothers, but now she was the only one still in there. She was tired, she was scared, and she didn't want to go out on stage. Her mother had forgotten the camera, so she had to quickly run home to grab it, telling Lillian not to leave the room until she got back, something Lillian happily obliged to. Sitting there on the little couch, eating apple slices from a tupperware on the table and reading a book, there was a knock on the door. Lillian looked up at it to see the door slowly open, and that handsome young looking judge peer inside cautiously.

"Hey, just wanted to make sure nobody was still in here, you're all on in about an hour," he said, coming in and shutting the door behind him.

"I know, my mom forgot the video camera," Lillian said.

"Ah, okay then," he said, sitting down on the coffee table across from her. Lillian liked his cool grey suit, and his slacked haircut, his beard stubble, his green eyes. He was extremely charming, and she understood why he was one of the judges; he cocked his head at her and asked, "What are you reading?"

"It's a fantasy book about a time traveling cat," Lillian said.

"That's pretty cool. Do you have cats?"

"No, my dad's allergic. I want a cat, but I can't have one," Lillian said, "Maybe when I'm grown up I'll get a cat."

"That's a shame, cats are cool," the judge said, "Don't sit too long, or you might put a crease in your dress and, as a judge I have to say, that sort of thing is noticeable. You should get up now and then and just pace or something to keep it bouncy."

"Oh...okay, thanks, I didn't think about that," Lillian said.

She stood up and set her book down on the table, and then started pacing around the room. The judge watched her for a moment, as she stopped and looked at her makeup in the mirror. She felt weird, being so young and having to wear makeup, but it'd always been a necessary requirement for the pageants. Still, she hated the way it felt on her face. Suddenly she felt hands on her shoulders and looked up, expecting them to belong to her mother, except they didn't. The judge was standing behind her, looking at her in the mirror, his hands squeezing her shoulders. She felt uncomfortable as he pressed up against her from behind, way too close for comfort.

"You look fine," he whispered.

"...okay," she said.

"Trust me, I think you have the strongest chance to win," he continued, speaking softly, "you're easily the prettiest contestant, not that beauty is all that matters in these things, but it plays a pretty big role considering it's in the title."

She felt his hand running down her arms, but she didn't dare move or speak. She just stayed deadly still, as she felt his hand slide under the ruffles of her dress, and slide itself into her leggings, getting close to her front. Lillian shut her eyes tightly, wanting to scream but instead staying silent as possible as she touched her. Suddenly the door jiggled, and his hands were off her. The judge walked to the door as Lillian watched him in the mirror; he smoothed his hair, adjusted his pants and straightened his tie before unlocking and opening the door, letting her mother back in.

"...why was this locked?" Jane asked.

"Habit," the judge said, "I came to be with her so she didn't have to be alone. Actually I was just checking to see if the room was clear and found her her, then thought I'd wait with her until you came back. I lock doors at my house all the time, it's just a bad habit."

"...okay," Jane said quietly, adding, "Well thank you. We'll see you out there."

Lillian didn't take her eyes off the judge, who - as he shut the door behind him, winked at her - had made her skin crawl. She wanted to vomit, hide and cry. She felt disgusting. Jane came over to her and sat down on the table, twiddling with the camera until Lillian sat down beside her.

"...mom?" she asked softly.

"Yes?"

"...would you believe me if I told you something?" she asked.

"Of course," Jane said, putting a small tape into the camera and looking through the eyepiece.

"...I don't wanna do these anymore," Lillian said.

"Well, we'll talk about this after the show, okay?"

Lillian nodded. She wanted to tell her mother the truth, about what the judge had done, how he'd touched her, but she was scared. Instead she told her mother the truth about something else, which is how she wanted to quit pageants altogether. After the incident at the theme park, and now this...it just didn't seem as fun as it once had.

                                                                             ***

After they finished shopping, they headed back home, and Jane tried on the various costumes in the bathroom while Lillian wandered into her childhood bedroom. She stood in front of the shelf that housed all her trophies, ribbons and, of course, all the plastic crowns she'd accrued throughout her pageant years. Lillian stood and touched each one gently with her fingertips, feeling like she was a totally different person now, and yet still unsure who exactly she was. She felt like she'd lost herself, somehow, without ever even knowing who she had been to begin with.

The door opened and her mother stood there, dressed like a scarecrow. Lillian looked at her mother, and tried not to laugh, which only made Jane laugh as she came further into the room, leaning over in front of Lillian's childhood vanity table and checking herself in the mirror.

"God, I used to have the body for sexy costumes," Jane said, "Now it's a hit or miss."

"...mom, remember when we used to play dress up?" Lillian asked.

"Of course!" Jane said, pushing her curly bangs from her face, "while your father went to work, you and I played dress up all day, and that's part of why you wanted to do beauty pageants. I mean, I had a hand in that, obviously, having done it myself, but you were excited about the idea."

"I feel like I've been dressing up as someone else my entire life, and I've never figured out who I am," Lillian said, sitting on her childhood bed, turning over a tiara from a former pageant in her hands, "...I have to tell you something, something I never told you."

Jane turned and looked at her, before walking and sitting beside her.

"What is it? Are you gay?"

"...I don't think so," Lillian said, laughing, "No, not that I'm that interested in anyone one way or another these days, but, no, I'm not gay. No, um, the last pageant I did, remember? When I...anyway. When you came into the room, and that judge was in there...before you got there, he..."

Lillian clutched her overalls tightly, trying not to cry.

"...uh, he touched me," Lillian whispered, "and I've been in therapy about it for a while now, and uh, and I don't like having sex anymore, and...and I wanted to tell you then but you so badly wanted me to do well in that pageant and I'd already told you that I'd wanted to quit, and I just...it always felt like I was never good enough, no matter how much I won. I'm sorry."

"...are you okay, Lily?" Jane asked, reaching over and gently stroking her daughters pigtails.

"I'm not okay, mom, no. I'm really messed up. I don't know who I am. I spent my whole adolescence dressing up to impress others and now I spend my whole adulthood dressing up to make others happy. I never learned to like myself for who I was, because I never found out who I was, and it's made me wary of anyone, and I feel like I don't trust anybody, and..."

She sniffled and wiped her nose on her arm.

"...a few weeks ago, this friend of mine I work with, he did a party for a little girl and this classmate of hers died at her party, and I started to talk to this little girl and hang out with her because...because I just knew her parents weren't, and I knew what it was like to be a kid and be confused about something horrible that had happened around you, and...and I just didn't want her to feel like I'd felt."

Jane leaned over and hugged her daughter warmly, exhaling.

"You're a good kid," Jane said softly, "I'm sorry I wasn't such a good mom."

"You were fine, mom."

"No, I...fine wasn't enough, okay? I recognize that now. I have felt so bad for so long for pressuring you to continue doing something you didn't have your heart in, and...and now after hearing this, like, I feel guilty, like if I'd just let you be you, and let you quit before that show, maybe this creep wouldn't have-"

"No, mom, no, it isn't your fault, it isn't my fault, that's something my therapist has taught me. These things just happen and the only person to really blame is the asshole who did it, and who probably kept doing it to other little girls long after that," Lillian said, "...but thank you."

Jane smiled and kissed her daughter on the forehead.

"You'll always be my baby," Jane said quietly, "Even when I'm not a great mom, just know that I'll always love you. It wasn't easy for me, I wasn't ready to be a mom. That's why I always acted more like a friend than a parent. I was too young. I just...I wasn't grown up enough myself. I'm sorry, Lily."

Lillian hugged her mom back and the two just sat like that for a while. All in all it wasn't a bad day after all. As she left the room, she picked out a tiara from the collection as her new costume tiara. It was time for a change.

                                                                            ***

Standing on the stage, staring her near molester down, she waited, thinking of what to say. He tapped his mic again and repeated the question.

"Miss Phillips?" he asked, "Uh, please, in your own words, tell me why you think you deserve to be The Harvest Queen this fall?" he said.

"....I don't," she said quietly, which made people in the audience audibly gasp; she continued after a moment, "...I don't deserve to be The Harvest Queen. We're all equally pretty, and this is stupid and I don't wanna do it anymore."

Lillian unclipped the small microphone from her dress, dropped it on the stage and walked off, smiling as she did so.

She never did a beauty pageant again.

Lillian was sitting in the parking lot, amongst a large crowd, while ambulances and cop cars tried to make sense of the tragedy. Children were crying, parents were comforting their kids, and yet Lillian's parents were nowhere to be found, and she was seated on a bench outside the theme park by herself, watching them wheel a stretcher with a body bag atop it out the gate, towards the nearby ambulance. How had this happened? Why would anyone do this to themselves? These were questions that Lillian once found so hard to answer, but now, as an adult, completely knew the answers to.

And that scared her more than anything else.

                                                                              ***

Lillian was sitting at the bar of the bistro, drinking water while watching Rina wash some glasses. Lillian glanced around at the other people sitting at the bar, each one nursing their own drink or eating bar snacks or appetizers. Lillian looked back at Rina, who was stood in front of her, wiping one glass in particular down.

"How many jobs do you even have?" Lillian asked.

"I like to help my community," Rina said, shrugging, "and then when I'm not helping my community, I like to take advantage of it. I get off work in about 3 minutes, if you're capable of waiting that long."

"I've already sat here for a good 2 hours, so what's another 3 minutes really," Lillian said, as Rina smirked and placed that glass down and picked up yet another, wiping that one down, clearly just doing something to pass the time until she was off work; Lillian sighed and asked, "What do you wanna do?"

"I'm going to show you something really cool," Rina said, "Trust me, it's gonna blow your mind."

"I doubt that," Lillian said, running her hand through her thick hair, exhaling, "Not much blows my mind anymore, and if something does somehow manage to do so, it's often because it's something truly awful and disgusting."

"Well this isn't awful and disgusting, so I guess we'll see," Rina said, as her watch beeped, and she sighed, "Thank god."

Rina tugged at the straps on her apron and pulling it off, shoving it into the backpack she picked off the floor behind the bar. Lillian finished her water and watched as Rina came around the side of the bar.

"Aren't you going to tell anyone you're leaving?" Lillian asked.

"Why? I'm off work. This is someone else's problem now," Rina said.

Lillian followed Rina out of the bistro and towards the parking lot while Rina tried to pull the straps of her backup around her shoulders.

"Slow down, I'm wearing heels," Lillian said.

"Why are you wearing heels?"

"Because I worked today too, remember? I was at a party until about 5. They always make me wear heels, it's one of the few times in my life that footwear has been dictated upon me. Otherwise I'd never wear heels, but princesses wear heels, so I have to wear heels."

"What was the other time footwear was dictated upon you?" Rina asked as they reached her car and she unlocked it, tossing her backpack into the backseat as Lillian headed to the passenger side door and looked over the roof at Rina.

"What?"

"You said this was one of the few times in your life that footwear was dictated upon you. What was the other time?" Rina asked, and Lillian debated momentarily telling her about her mother, and about the beauty pageants, but instead she just shook her head.

"Nothing. Just other jobs, you know," Lillian said, "Forget it."

As the girls piled into the car, Lillian couldn't help but feel like crap. She was only a few weeks into this friendship, and she was already lying to her. What would Vera say?

                                                                           ***

"I always imagine pirates go out of style for some reason," Tyler said, sitting in the booth at the diner and cutting his sandwich in half while Alexis sat across from him, eating soup.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I don't know. Stuff kids like seems to go in cycles, you know? Like for a while all the kids will be into knights and dragons and stuff, and then for a while it's all space oriented, and I just...I guess I haven't seen a whole lot of pirate stuff for a while so I figured it was on the downturn," Tyler said, biting into his sandwich.

"Pirates never go out of style," Alexis said, "That's why I picked it as my costume. Because pirates are always universally cool. Action and adventure, mysterious islands and curses. Kids love shit like that."

Tyler scooted over as Vera sat down in the booth beside him, unscrewing the lid on her thermos and sipping her coffee gently as she looked between the two of them.

"What are we talking about?" Vera asked.

"What the most popular kid characters are for parties," Tyler said, "I was just saying that I'm surprised that pirates are still so highly sought after."

"Are you kidding?" Vera asked, pulling a small black book out of her cardigan pocket with a pen and opening it, "Kids love pirates. It's all excitement and violence. Kids love violence, no matter what someone might tell you. Plus, pirates get to be on their ship and go anywhere they want, do anything they want; kids like that level of freedom, and it allows them to use their imagination. Alex made the best choice of all of you."

"Thank you," Alex said, going back to eating her soup.

"What are you doing?" Tyler asked, nodding to the small black book Vera had pulled out.

"Going over your paychecks for this month," Vera said, "How many parties did you do this month?" she asked, looking up across the table at Alex.

"Like I keep track of that. I'd have to find all the addresses I've been given, and that stuff's all at home," Alex said.

"You guys are useless," Vera said, exhaling annoyed.

"I think Lil's got the most timeless character of us all," Tyler said, "I mean, honestly, a princess is never going to go out of style, especially since the United Kingdom ensures the monarchy will always exist in the real world no matter what."

"That isn't why she's a princess," Vera said, "Trust me, she doesn't want to be a princess, it's just what she's most familiar with."

"...what the hell does that mean?" Alex asked, giving Vera a strange look.

"Ask her sometime. Ask her about her mother. About the pageants. About the women who threw herself in front of the train at Disneyland. It'll make more sense," Vera said.

Alexis looked from Vera at Tyler, who just shrugged.

                                                                             ***

"Are we there yet?" Lillian asked, batting at the beads hanging down from Rina's rearview mirror.

"No, and stop playing with that like you're a cat," Rina said, grabbing the beads and pulling them off the mirror, shoving them into her coat pocket.

"What are they?"

"They're prayer beads," Rina said, "My mom likes me to drive around with them. She thinks driving isn't safe, and she's not exactly wrong."

"Your family religious?" Lillian asked.

"Not really. My mom is sort of, but even then not as much now as she was when we were kids," Rina said, "It's more of a superstitious thing...my cousin was killed in a car accident when I was young, and I guess that just scared her to death, so I've never driven without them."

"Wow, that's screwed up, I'm sorry," Lillian said.

Lillian didn't say anything else until they finally pulled up to a building and parked. Rina got out, as did Lillian, and together they headed inside. It looked like a library, and once they got indoors, Lillian realized that was exactly what it was. She was confused, but curious, so she just followed Rina quietly into the library, until they reached the childrens area, where she saw it.

A circle of chairs, most of them filled with someone, everyone wearing a costume of some kind. Lillian's brow raised in confusion, and she watched as Rina stopped by a nearby bookshelf filled with young childrens picturebooks and watched from afar. Lillian stood beside her and whispered.

"What is this?" she asked.

"It's a support group for people who do dress up," Rina said, "I figured you might find something here that would be of interest to you, even if you don't want to participate. I used to come regularly, back when I did cosplay and stuff. Not so much these days."

"This is wild," Lillian said, "But I don't dress up for fun, it's for work."

"Doesn't have to just be for fun. It's for anyone, with any reason," Rina said, "That includes you, if you have anything you'd like to share or talk about or whatever."

Lillian looked at the group, and she felt a gnawing in the pit of her gut. She wanted to talk. She wanted to talk about her mother, about the beauty pageants, about that day...the day she saw a princess die, but she couldn't do that with strangers. Hell, she hadn't even told Tyler about that stuff yet, and he was basically her best friend. She sighed and looked at Rina.

"...I can't do this," she whispered.

"That's okay, I just wanted you to know you had the choice," Rina said.

"Why'd you even care?"

"Because when we met you told me you were looking out for Maddison's best interests, but is anyone looking out for yours? You wanted to make sure she was okay after what happened, but has anyone ever made sure you're okay?"

"I mean, I have a therapist, but, I don't know," Lillian said, "I guess I just sort of bottle everything up and I never really talk about anything...I just instead want to ignore it, move on, forget about it. Try and pretend none of it is a part of me. But I know that's stupid. I'm the way I am because of what I've gone through...I've never told anyone this, but I used to do child beauty pageants, and I was the best at it. I won all kinds of awards and ribbons and medals and, god, I was the best."

"And?"

"I don't know," Lillian said, leaning against the bookshelf and sliding down, sitting on the floor, Rina doing the same, as she added, "I guess I just like thinking about it because it wasn't something I really wanted to do. It was something my mom was obsessed with, and she kind of made me do it. And then, the last one I ever did was The Little Miss Princess Pageant, and I just..."

Rina pulled the prayer beads out of her pocket and handed them to her. Lillian smiled weakly, taking them and squeezing them tightly as she tried her best to hold back tears, poorly.

"...I had a complete breakdown. I was like 12. Way too young for a mental breakdown, but I lost it," Lillian said.

"Pressure can do that to a child."

"It wasn't the pressure," Lillian said, "It was because, just a year before that, I saw a princess die."

That got Rina's attention.

                                                                             ***

Alexis had left, leaving Tyler and Vera alone in the diner. It was getting later, darker, and Tyler was starting to feel like he should head home himself. He sighed, picked his hat up from the table and set it atop his head before looking at Vera, who had taken Alex's seat.

"I guess I should be getting home," Tyler said, "I have a party in the early afternoon tomorrow. You need a ride home?"

"Naw, I'll be okay," Vera said, scribbling something down on a napkin, still clearly doing bookkeeping; she looked up at Tyler as he got out of the booth and looked down at her, she smiled and stopped writing, asking, "You want me to come over for a bit?"

"I think I'll be okay," Tyler said, "If Lil stops by, tell her I said hi."

"Will do," Vera said, watching Tyler leave the diner. As she saw him get in his car from her window seat, she couldn't help but feel sad. She wanted to go home with him. She'd wanted to go home with him for a while, but he always seemed uninterested, or simply too busy and tired. Vera had liked Tyler for a long time now, but she also knew how messy it could make things, having a relationship with someone whose career she also oversaw. So instead Vera sat in the booth and continued doing her paperwork, slowly sipping the coffee from her thermos well into the evening.

She didn't expect to see Lillian, and she was kind of relieved. She needed a break.

                                                                               ***

"You know," Rina said, "My family has always been supportive of me, so I guess I have a hard time understanding how someone can dislike their family, but you're not alone. Plenty of people want to disown their parents, and from what you've told me, you have genuine reason to do so."

"I'm just mad," Lillian said, looking at the prayer beads in her hand, illuminated by the overhead streetlamps as Rina drove; she continued, "I just wish she'd listened to me once I said I didn't want to do it anymore, and now my entire self esteem is based upon my physical appearance, my self worth tied up in how attractive I am and still being a princess in one way or another. I don't want to be a princess, but it's all I've ever known, really. Beauty and elegance."

Rina wanted to say something, but she wasn't sure what to say, so instead she just stayed quiet. Finally, after a few moments, she just whispered, "...you can keep the prayer beads. You need them more than I do."

This made Lillian genuinely smile as she looked out the passenger window.

"Thanks, Rina," she whispered back.

                                                                               ***

Walking through the parking lot, looking for her parents, Lillian couldn't help but feel confused and scared, lost and sad. She held her own hand, to keep herself from feeling like she was alone, but it didn't help much. After a moment, she saw the ambulance start up, about to drive away, when one of the EMTs threw something bundled up in the nearby trashcan. After the ambulance pulled away, lights spinning, siren blaring, Lillian approached the trashcan and looked inside.

She reached inside and pulled out the bundle; a mess of bloody cloth, glitter covered and wet with warm blood. She unwrapped the costume the woman had been wearing, throwing it back into the garbage can, and then she looked at the tiara she'd gotten from the bundle. Still perfect. Still pristine. She put it on her head and then continued looking around, still looking for her parents, feeling a little braver now.

After all...she was a princess, and princesses can do anything.

Even throw themselves in front of trains.